New Look for the Living Room

They delivered our new king mattress set yesterday (yea Target). We worked all weekend moving one bed upstairs for the guest room, bringing the king bed down, and cleaning out the attic. We have a walk-in attic that is bigger than my living room, and it was FULL. I couldn't understand why because I'm not a hoarder. So since my son moved out, we got in there and started sorting.
It turned out we had SIXTY-TWO empty boxes. Some big, some small. I guess my son put every box for every single thing he bought in four years up there, just in case he needed the box for a return. After we took all the boxes to the recycling center, our attic is practically empty.
I went to Tuesday Morning (love that store) and bought some new sheets for the king bed, a new throw for the sofa, a slipcover for the sofa, and a couple of plants. I moved all the living room furniture around. I finally found a furniture arrangement I actually like. ha.
Anyway, here's a couple of pics of how it turned out.
I'm bidding on a comforter set, but a lot of people want it, so it is "iffy" if I will be able to afford the bids or not.

Stopping the Downward Spiral

I've been friends with Dawn for thirty-two years. She knows me and I know her better than probably anyone else does. When she is in pain, I feel that pain. She's in pain now.

In the last year, she's had a grown daughter turn away from her, a major home fire, infidelity, divorce proceedings, the people at her church turn against her because she was too needy, trying to find her way in a new church, a move, financial problems, a broken ankle, and a host of other things. If you looked at the list of "major life events" that counselors like to quote when deciding how much stress a person has, her life would include about everything on the list.

I spend as much time with her as I can. I usually have more free time than she does, but I make myself available for her visits or phone calls whenever she needs to talk. Lately, I've seen her slowly crumbling and I seem at a loss to stop it. When she comes by to visit lately, she always cries. Or she comes in looking like she's been crying for hours. She tries very hard to put into words what is bothering her, but most of the time she's at a loss and says things like, "I don't know what's wrong with me lately" or "I usually handle things better than this." I try to talk to her, try to encourage her, try to offer words of wisdom (which for me is really reaching!), but I see her spiraling down.

I wonder if it's menopause, because she's two years behind me in age, or if she's about to have a nervous breakdown, or if it's just something she'll pull out of when her life calms down. But since I've had one friend commit suicide, there's a part of my gut that feels this dread, and I feel helpless to know what to do.



I've been at the place where she is. I had a completely different set of problems than she does, but it wasn't the magnitude of the problems, but just the fact that I became unable to cope with things I used to breeze through. I had a guy tell me once that I needed to take better care of myself because some day I would "hit that brick wall that's been looming." He was right. I ended up in a crying heap in the psychiatric hospital for two weeks, being the guinea pig for medicines to determine what would help, what would hurt, and talking to strange doctors who asked questions I had no answer to, like "Who are you mad at?" I spent two weeks there. I made some major life changes with the help of my family, and I came out feeling a lot of anxiety and, for the first time in a long time, hope that my life would be easier now.
During my breakdown, my friend, Dawn, visited me regularly. She encouraged me. She told me I would be ok. Now I'm trying to say those things to her, but I still wonder if any of it is going to prevent her hitting her brick wall. And I'm very scared for her. And I have no idea what to do.

Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

Busy week. My husband left Monday morning, and I spent all day Monday cleaning, so I could sit and enjoy a clean house and no cooking this week. Monday afternoon and Tuesday, my friend came by and brought her six children. Tuesday night, my daughter came to escape an in-law problem. (We've had fun!) And today, Wednesday, my hubby called to say he's coming home tomorrow because they finished up early. Tonight, my daughter and I are going to my son's apartment, eat Italian take-out and watch, "The Grudge." It hasn't been the week I envisioned but then life usually throws in some things more interesting than our plans anyway.

Bunnies, Babies, and Books

My hubby leaves tomorrow on his trip. We spent part of the day shopping for some last minute things he needed to take. I plan to spend tomorrow doing some heavy duty cleaning around here.

Since my son moved out, we now have an extra bedroom, bath, and a huge walk-in closet. Hubby is a collector of all types of military planes, ships, tanks, etc. and plans to spend his retirement putting them together. He's got about twelve huge storage tubs of them. They filled our bedroom closet, filled underbed storage boxes, and were spilling over into the bedroom. I was feeling like I was in a war zone (pun intended).

Now he's moved them all upstairs and I've got closet space again, so I can do some more organizing. I realized I've always had this freaky feeling when I started straightening up because there was no place to put anything. Now that I'm getting things in better order, it's not a big deal because I have a place where the paperwork goes, the magazines go, etc. The one thing I've been holding out on was my books. I have way too many bookcases and know I have to pare back somehow, but it's traumatic. ha.

My daughter and SIL came over yesterday and we went to a baby sale. I found a high chair to keep here for the wee one when she arrives. My husband went nuts buying Fisher Price toys, for the baby (he says, but he was playing with them. ha ha) After our shopping, we went to lunch with my son and went back so my daughter and SIL could see his new apartment. He has the living room fixed really nice, and even has a projection tv with surround sound, so it feels like being at the movies, but more comfortable! He bought some dishes yesterday because he was tired of eating on paper plates.

I know today is Easter, and we didn't have anything special for lunch or go to church. We are having boiled shrimp later, and as expensive as fresh shrimp is around here, I guess that qualifies as special. And we watched The Ten Commandments so we're not complete heathens.

What Turns Me On...That's Easy...Air Conditioning!

Someone slap me the next time I declare something "better not be that high next time." Our central air ended up being the compressor. We had to get a whole new unit. This was was $2500, so there went my anniversary present but at least we're cool now. Broke but cool....
My husband is going to be gone on a business trip next week and I have some time to myself. I'm going to not cook ANYTHING, not wear MAKEUP, sleep and eat when I WANT, have total control of the REMOTE, sleep as much as I want, and do whatever I please! For someone as introverted as me, this can be my anniversary present. ha.
I went to see the counselor today. Just when I think I'm figuring out this counseling stuff, she throws something on me that totally confuses me. Today she decided I needed to start recognizing emotions and I had to complete sentences like, "I feel worried when...., " "I feel scared when..." "I feel overwhelmed when...." I guess a normal person could do that, but I sat there like a deer in the headlights and had no idea what to say.
Then she asked me, "What does worried feel like. Describe feeling worried to someone who doesn't know what it is. Give me a picture of what worried would be."
She also gave me a sheet of paper on which she had drawn a "guilt bag" and I'm suppose to fill it in with things I feel guilty about. It's a big paper but she said I could turn it over and write on the back if I needed to. ha. See, she knows me pretty well by now. Guess I'm easy to figure out to everyone but me.

Where'd I Park the Car?

Oh, Lord, it's hot in Alabama. And even hotter now that our freaking central air unit decided to konk out. Last night, trying to sleep with no air and hot flashes was miserable. The repair guy is suppose to come check it this morning. He came last August, replaced some parts and charged $945 dollars! It better not be that high this time. The unit is only nine years old!
I got into this cleaning and tossing mode, and now I think I'm getting too carried away with the tossing! I feel so good to see one thing cleaned out, I go back and throw out even more and even more. My husband better glue himself to his chair and hang on to the dogs. ha.

I really like going to my therapy appointments, and figure as long as my insurance continues to pay for it, I'll go. I'm becoming much less of a wimp, and starting to recognize wimpy behavior when I do it (or others do, Amy :-) I'm starting to be able to think of what assertive comments should be made when people are rude or pushy or mean, instead of thinking of them an hour after my chance to say them is gone. Now if I can just get myself to SAY them when I THINK them, I'll have half the battle won, right?
I used to think I had to have everything figured out by the time I turned fifty. But I'm realizing now that part of the freedom in being fifty is realizing you don't have to figure it all out. And realizing things like I'll never be skinny, so I might as well just relax and enjoy being what I am. And that yeah, I've made some mistakes but that doesn't make me a bad person, just adds character to my personality, like a house with built in bookshelves and crown molding. It keeps me from being so BORINGGGG ! Of course, the people reading this may disagree. :-)
Turning fifty also means you take a drug store of medicine every day, my body makes the same noises as my coffee maker, and I lose my car instead of losing my keys, but it has it's good points. Actually I do lose my car a lot, especially if I drive on "automatic" to Walmart and park there without thinking. I come back out and look at this gigantic parking lot and my brain shortcircuits and I don't have a clue where I parked. What's really funny is when my husband is with me and NEITHER of us can remember. Getting old is a lot more fun when you have someone else losing their mind at the same time. And it's much easier when you can laugh at it.

Dog Found in Dumpster

I wrote an article for Associated Content about a dog that was found here locally in a dumpster. You can read about it here.
Since I wrote that, a jury voted to convict the scumbag on SECOND degree animal abuse, and the MAXIMUM sentence for that is six months. I'm furious.
If you visit the site, please vote for my article.
I can't believe someone could do something like that to an animal and get six months or less of jail time, if he serves that at all. It's ridiculous.

Proud Mama Bragging

My son, Chris, aka Jason Cage is a DJ in Little Rock. His show just got syndicated, and now he's also in Charleston. Check it out at www.93sx.com
My middle son came by yesterday at lunch and brought me red roses and told me he appreciated all I had ever done for him. Aren't they pretty? Then I got a hug!
And my daughter is growing more pregnant by the day and is the cutest thing with her big tummy. I'm so proud of my kids!

Time Flies...

When I was a teenager, I met a guy through one of my aunts. Their family was friends with her family, and even though they were in another state, a lot of visting was done back and forth between them. This was the summer I was fifteen, I think. Well, this guy was so cute, and we had it bad for each other for awhile. We even talked about getting married "when I was older" which seemed very far away. He joined the military and I don't remember exactly how it all feel apart, but my memory is we just sort of drifted apart through my high school years. However, he was my first love, and you know how you don't forget that. I still have all his letters and pictures, along with a lot of other stuff I've saved through the years. (Chances are if you ever gave me a card, I still have it.)
Well, his sister found me through classmates.com, and we have been writing, sharing stories of kids and grandkids, etc. She told me her brother is now "single again" and I told her I'm very happily married. We've exchanged a lot of pictures of our family.
Well, she sent me a pic of her brother now. For over thirty years, I had pictured him the way he looked then...which was like this...


and like this:



and like this (Yes, the girl in the pictures is me.)



Well, when she sent me his picture now, I sat and stared forever and my only thought is, Oh my, I must be old.
Here is him now.



I guess it's better to keep memories as memories. At least in them, I felt young.
And yes, if you're thinking that one picture looks like we were at a motel, we were. We shared adjoining rooms with his mom, dad, sister, my aunt, another aunt, two cousins, and us. So no hanky panky. I was such a good girl then. If I had it to do over, I'd jump his bones in a second. Can't believe I passed that up....

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Sanjaya on American Idol

My husband and I are American Idol junkies. We cheer for Melinda and boo Sanjaya every week. I guess we're not the only ones who couldn't figure out why he's still there when he obviously sucks as a singer. Well my son, the DJ, has taken this anti-Sanjaya thing to a whole new level. He's vowed not to BATHE until Sanjaya gets voted off. This could get really ugly. Check it out at www.jasoncage.com

C'mon! Be Practical !! ( I hate when people say that.)

Oh well....it was a good dream while it lasted. But as is usually the case with me, practicality overrules indulgence. My husband and I had a "talk," and decided what we needed was a bed for the upstairs bedroom so that we'd have more room for family during the holidays. There went my Target shopping spree, by way of a mattress set. Again, need overrides want. What I wanted was to go to Target and walk the aisles with the gift cards burning in my palms while I picked up and looked at thousands of things before carefully picking out what I wanted to buy. Then carrying the bags into the house and sitting down on the couch and going through each of them one by one.
On one hand, I hate shopping. I hate going to the store to buy something practical, like a coat, or groceries, or garbage bags, or mattresses. But I love shopping when it's just for the pure joy of deciding what I want, not what I need.
I shouldn't complain too much though, because I know what kind of shopper I really am...the guilty kind. Two weeks after I would have had my major Target shopping spree, I would have looked around at the things I bought and thought...Gee, I didn't really NEED that. If I hadn't bought that, I could still have the shopping spree to look forward to. I don't have anywhere to put the stuff I bought anyway. I would wish I had my gift cards back...And so I wouldn't have enjoyed it much long term anyway.
We get a new mattress set, and put the $300 bucks toward that. There's a nice pillow-top Sealy set he thinks would work well.....
Oh well. I do still get to eat at Red Lobster and buy a few books from B & N. So all is not lost.

Gonna Shop Till I Drop

My husband has a credit card he's had since before we married. He's paid it off a couple of times since, and then put a few more things on it, etc. I've never paid much attention to that account, but we knew we had it in case we got out somewhere and had car trouble or something. He pays the bills, so I rarely look at the statements.

Well I was cleaning off the table after helping my son move today, and came across the credit card statement. It said he had earned 38,903 premium points and had never redeemed any. I asked him about them and he said he'd always seen that on there, but really had no idea what you get for them, or how to redeem.

I went online and found the website where they could be redeemed and he said I could spend them any way I wanted...So get this...I bought a $300 Target Gift Card, $50 Red Lobster Gift Card, and a $30 Barnes and Noble Gift Card!!! He loves Red Lobster so he was happy with that. I love books! And there is a new Target opening in our town in October so I can go shopping!!!! I told him this can be my anniversary present and he said great, because he didn't know what to get me. I am so excited. One minute I had $4 in my purse and $9 in MY personal bank account, and the next minute I've got shopping money!

Moving Day

Today my middle son moves into his new apartment five minutes from his new job. He's been working all day and packing until late at night all week, and said he'll still have to come back and pack more boxes later, but at least we can get the big items moved today while he has a u-haul trailer rented. (Yes, I know he bought a new pickup but putting something in it could possibly scratch it, ya'll.....That's what he said.) A friend's son is going to help for some extra cash and my husband will pitch in, so hopefully the three men can handle getting a sofa sleeper couch down the stairs of our townhouse. Thankfully his new apt is on the bottom floor.
We have been busy planning the baby shower for the end of April. We, being my friend Dawn and I. We have family and friends who enjoy eating so we decided to have "real food" instead of the nuts, mints route. So it looks like so far....sweet and sour meatballs, pigs in a blanket, rolled sandwich wheels, cheese ball and crackers, fruit tray with dip, veggie tray with dip, boiled shrimp, petit fours, cookies, and punch. I'm not sure how well all that goes together but hopefully they will all like it. I know have thirty onesies and four large sets of fabric markers to have the guests decorate a onesie for the baby.
I have been taking some clothes by a consignment shop here as I've been cleaning out the closets. I usually use up my credit buying cute little dresses for my grandchild to wear when she arrives near July 1. I took a dress by there a month or so ago, a white silk dress that was VERY expensive (very very) because it's too small for me now, it's not something I have any place to wear anymore. So I thought I'd sell it. I went by there and they have it marked for like nine dollars. I almost died. So I came home and kept thinking about it. I mean rationally I know I'll probably never wear that dress again, but it was the most expensive dress I'd ever owned and would make a perfect mother-of-the bride dress with the sheer overlay over the silk (more flattering for fuller figures you know. ha). Well to make a long story short, I went back and got the dress yesterday and brought it home and hung it back in the closet. I decided my peace of mind was worth more than nine dollars and it would have driven me nuts to sell it for that.
I'd never be a good professional organizer...They'd say I really want to keep this, and I'd say ok, no problem!

And On it Goes.....

I have been wheezing all night and coughing my head off. They cut our grass today, and I thought that was what was messing me up but my husband reminded me that our step-daughter spent today with her cat and probably has cat dander on her. So it could be that. Whatever it is, I wish it would get better. Cough cough, wheeze wheeze! This is miserable.

I got the first copy of Letters to My Mother, where one of my story appears. I ordered a gift wrapped copy of it for my mom for Mother's Day, which is about when it is due to be released. I think authors just got some advanced copies or something because Amazon is still saying pre-orders only. I've got several of "my books" on my book shelf now, but I still get excited every time I open one and see my name on the contents page. It makes me sound like a real writer, which even now I don't see myself as being. I guess I think a real writer would be writing books, and since all I do is short stories right now, I don't qualify. I got the final editing for the book coming out by Chicken Soup in August. That one is about my granny telling me about the change of life, and that is really one of my very favorite ones I've ever written. Sometimes I am amazed as to what sells, because some I didn't really think were all that great.

We've become American Idol junkies. I like several of the girl singers and not any of the guys. The girls are WAY out-singing them this season. We are sort of late getting started as viewers, as our first season was the last one with Taylor Hicks. But we are usually late catching on to most things. For example, my daughter just explained to me today what the letter saying I needed to renew my domain meant. It was for a page my son made me for my writing stuff. I thought we paid for that every month, but that was hosting, not domain. That stuff is like Greek to me.

Yes, we still watch Lost, but only because Sawyer is hot. I remember my ex MIL saying one time she thought some guy was hot. I remember rolling my eyes. She said, "Hey, I may be old but I still know a good looking man when I see one." Amen.

My son is busy packing boxes to move to his new apartment. He went by there yesterday and got the keys. He came home telling me how his one bedroom apartment has a side by side refrig with water and ice on the door. No apartment I ever lived in had anything that nice. And he even has a built in microwave.

Preparing One Nest and Emptying Another

My husband and I went with my daughter and son-in-law to see the pediatric surgeon that is on the team who will do the baby's corrective surgery. She talked to us a long time about the things that could happen, even the rare things that can occur, but said it's impossible to really predict how well a child will do until they are actually delivered and assessed. They have all the latest equipment available, including the ECMO machines (heart/lung bypass machine) if we need that. They seemed very knowledgeable, and had a one-to-one ratio of nurses to babies in the NICU. These nurses stand at the baby's bedside, not sit at the nurses station like you see in most hospitals. Each baby we saw had a nurse standing over it, constantly monitoring that child. Right now, they had two babies there with CDH, one who needed very little intervention when she was born three days ago, and who underwent the corrective surgery today. She's doing great and is at the best end of the spectrum. On the other end was a CDH baby who has been there since September, a little boy. This hospital says although it's normal for them to average about 15 CDH babies per year, for some reason they've had fifteen births with this since December! They think there is a link to some sort of toxin but the verdict is still out on that one. Makes me wonder if there isn't some problem in that area.
Anyway, all the people are very nice. They gave us much information, and gave my daughter several books and good website addresses for information. They offered her their phone numbers and email addresses to write anytime they have more questions. We toured the NICU and it wasn't as frightening as I expected. Several times I felt like crying when the doctor was talking to us, because I dread what my daughter will be facing if her baby is sick, but I know she's upset too. I guess we'll just cry on each other's shoulders when we need to and deal with what we need to do to get this baby here, well, and home.
My nest will soon be empty. A week from this Saturday, my son who graduated from college in December will be moving into his new apartment nearer to his new job. He's excited. My husband and I have been married four years this month, and have never really lived alone. I know the empty nest thing would be really hard if I didn't have him. But I miss them all every day. I watched my daughter today as a young woman talking to the doctor and thought it seemed like yesterday she was the premie in the hospital nursery. I can still remember the sounds, sights and smells like it was yesterday, and it's been twenty-nine years. Twenty-nine YEARS. I still can't believe that. Time goes by so fast.
My daughter's best friend is due in October, and she's asked me to babysit her baby during the day while she works. I'm really looking forward to it. It's been a long time since I've had a baby to hold and rock. It will fill in the times between when I can see Claire.
Our list for the baby shower is growing. I think it will be a lot of fun. I've gotten games and some of the decorations. I went by party city and got even more ideas of things I want to get. I need some ideas for party foods. C'mon, Amy, I know you're our chef--what do you suggest?
We have hearty eaters in this family, so I wanted more than just a veggie tray and chips and dip. I need some ideas.

Another Dumb Survey

No, that dog is not mine, but he looks just like one of mine. I thought this picture was precious.
I got this survey from a friend. So if you're reading it, you're tagged. So gimme your answers!

What is the biggest lie you ever told your boss? Probably that I was sick when I was just tired and sleepy or that I wasn’t gossiping about his freak wife.

What do you pretend to like but secretly hate? Watching 24, eating Mexican food

What is the one thing you wish you had said to someone in rebuttal but didn’t think of at the time? No, our marriage didn’t fail because I gave up too easily. It failed because you’re an ass.

If you were invisible and could spy on someone, who would it be? My therapist. She knows all about me, and I know nothing about her.

How many skeletons are in your closet that you would never tell anyone? My closet is stuffed, but I don’t feel as much need to keep secrets as I did when I was younger. I think it’s getting easier to admit I screw up.

What things turn you on? Hot fudge sundae with whipped cream and nuts. Yellow roses with pink tips. New furniture. Doing laundry.

What turns you off? Cleaning bathrooms, mopping floors, driving.

What would you like to change about your significant other? His talking to the tv all during the shows. Drives me nuts.

If you had a day to do whatever you liked, how would you spend it? Would you be alone or with someone else? In bed sleeping, reading, snacking. Alone.

What is your secret fear? My children dying before me.

When you are in your lowest level of self-esteem, what one thing do you say to put yourself down? You’re lazy.

What do you like most about being the age you are? My heart still beating.

What is one term you hate? Age-defying. The only thing that defies aging is dying.

What do you wish you did more of? Winning the lottery!

Amnio Results Are Back

My daughter called again today and they finally got the results back from her amniocentesis and everything is normal, so other than the CDH, the baby has no problems. We meet with the pediatric surgeon on Thursday and I'll let you know more then. We are so relieved!

Redneck Treehouse?

We went to the baby sale and really racked up. My hubbie and I bought a porta-crib/playpen thing to keep at our house for the baby. We also found an infant seat with the toys hanging down, some children's books, and some cute baby toys. My daughter found a new infant tub, some maternity clothes, and a nice baby swing. I found a high chair I really wanted but it had no price. It turned out someone had spotted it before me and removed the tag so she could come back and get it later. Oh well. Better luck next time.
We had lunch at Steak and Shake, then went to a huge indoor flea market near here. I think there were four warehouse type buildings stuffed with vendors and all we saw was JUNK JUNK JUNK. I can't imagine why anyone would actually buy any of that stuff.
I saw a Gilmore girls show this week and they had a baby shower. They bought a white onesie to decorate with fabric paint for each guest at the shower. Then they gave them to the mom-to-be. I thought that was a really cute idea, so now I'm looking for a place to buy a large number of onesies. So far it looks like Walmart has the best prices.
My family doctor still thinks there's a good chance I have something called hemochromatosis. My sister has it and two of her children. Since menopause, I've had a lot of the symptoms. I see a hemotologist this month to find out. It won't kill me but it sure needs to be treated before it gets any worse, if that's what it is. The way it is treated is by giving blood OFTEN, and that depletes the iron in the blood, which my body stores too much of, at least it does if I have this disease. I'm still hoping they are wrong. Not that I mind giving blood, but it sure does sound like a hassle to have to go that often.
My son, the DJ, called me the other night and said Hey, You're on the radio! Then he proceeded to ask me about whether I loved him or his sister best. The clip is on his website, and click on the podcast that says call to my mom or something like that. I told him he would definitely not be in the top of three if he kept making me do stuff on the radio. I sound like such a redneck.

If Women Ruled the World....

Still no results on my daughter's amnio. Now they are saying three to four weeks and it will be three next week. Several people have written asking why I hadn't said anything about it in my blog. I'll be sure to post something as soon as we know.
My daughter is coming today and we're going shopping for baby things at a huge baby yard sale they have here in our town twice a year. All the new moms bring things to sell and there is a lot of buying, selling, and trading going on. Most sell the clothes their babies have outgrown and buy sizes that will fit now or in the future. They also have great deals on furniture from what I'm told. We'll see.
Well I'll post more later today.