Old Me, New Me

My sister and mother are coming today to visit. I have lived here since March of 2000, and this is the first time my sister has been here to visit. I figure my mom is dragging her here, but well, there ya go. I have been noticing a big difference in the "old me before years of therapy" and the "me now" in how I react to things. The old me would have worried about what she would think about my home, what I was wearing (she has been known to made snide comments in the past about both), etc. The old me would have spent two days cleaning.

But the now me went to play cards all day yesterday at the senior center. The new me got up this morninng and made the beds, dusted the coffee table, and wiped down the toilet in the guest bathroom. I think it looks fine, and the new me cares more about that than what anyone else thinks.
The old me would have picked out her clothes today with the thought in mind of "What will she say about this one? Will she think this is too bright?" The new me thought, I like this shirt, it's comfortable, I'll wear it.

Last week when I went to play cards, one of the ladies asked if I would take over the calling tree for reservations (we have to tell the senior center how many we will have because of the lunch). I hesitated and she was very convincing, so I said ok. I figured I will give it a try, so what. Then later in the week, another lady who also has handled this task called, very upset. Who had given me this to do? Why was it given to me instead of to her? She said, "It's not that I don't think you can do it, it's just that I've done it a long time."

The old me would have thought, Oh my, what's wrong with me, she thinks I can't do this, she doesn't trust me, etc. But the new me said, "I didn't want to do it anyway, so you're welcome to have it. In fact, I'll run the notebook by your house in a few minutes." The old me would have avoided going around that woman again, because I felt insecure and had my feelings hurt. The new me went in yesterday, hugged her, and had a ball playing cards.

One of my children reminded me the other day, when I was whining about them leaving home, that when they were teens, I was so wrapped up with a "idiot man who will remain nameless" that they felt neglected. The old me would have been crushed, and would have immediately tried to justify my bad behavior. The new me thought about it a minute, then said, "You are right. That's how it was. I'm sorry, and I wish I could go back and have that time again." Old me, new me. I made mistakes. I can't change them. I can say I am sorry, and do what I can to do better now. Maya Angelou says, "I did then what I knew. And when I knew better, I did better."

Now you can say what you will about therapy, and I realize I spent boo-koos of money on it, but I got results. It took a long time but I do see the progress. Not only that, but my husband sees it.

We were with some friends the other night, when they brought up the Octomom and how she should have her children all taken away from her. I told you my best friend has a huge family, limited money, etc, so I have a difference perspective on this from most people. I also loved kids and may have had a larger family myself had circumstances been different. So when they said her children should be taken away, I added, "I disagree. I think even though she may have shown bad judgement, she still loves her kids, and her kids love her. To take them away now would only hurt the children by dividing them up with people they don't know. If you took away the kids of everyone who had them and couldn't afford them, over half of the kids in America would be in foster care. You can hate her, but don't take it out on the kids. Give her the help she needs to care for them. That's how I feel."

My husband's mouth fell open, and the ladies (aren't women wonderful to talk to) just jumped in and kept the discussion going, actually considering the children's side of things. When we got home, my husband said, "Not only are you out socially now, but you feel confident enough to offer a differing opinion, even when it may not be popular. I am proud of you."
I'm proud of me, too.

Grouchy as Hell

I should have married a Democrat. If I have to watch another Presidential address with my husband's commentary yelled in the background, I'm going to kill him. I told him tonight he sounds like he's been listening to way too much Limbaugh.

My son in Seattle has not found a job and his funds are running low. He is coming home, and has to drive across the country pulling a U-Haul trailer. So he offered to fly me out if I would ride back with him. I'm going March 24, and we are leaving the 26th coming back. Driving down to San Francisco and then across, due to snow and road closings.

Kindle came out with a second version, announced today. I want one, but I won't get one. I LOVE my Kindle, and at what I paid for the first one, it will have to last awhile. I carry it in my purse all the time, and never get stuck in a waiting room without something to read. If I finish a book, no problem...just start another.
I feel terrible. I have been on the antibiotic for a week now, and although my headaches are gone, I feel like someone ran over me with a truck. My step-mother said antibiotics do her the same way. How can the cure make you feel as bad as the illness? Add to that, I have been having major hot flashes this week, and I've been pretty miserable.

We went to play cards tonight, and some of the ladies wanted the heat turned up. I was about ready to take off my clothes, but decided it would scare too many people.
So yes, I'm burning up, grouchy as hell, and feel like crap. Menopause sucks.

Six Words-- What Are Yours?

HarperCollins has a new book out called "Not Quite What I Was Planning" (I know you should underline books but there is no underline button on this blogger thingie) by Larry Smith, in which people write their life stories in six words. For example, one man wrote, "Seventy years, few tears, hairy ears" which of course, illustrates for us clearly that he has had a long life with a few bumps along the way, yet has managed to keep his sense of humor. I also liked this one, "After Harvard, had baby with crackhead." Whew.
It made me think how I would sum up my life in six words, since I have never been a person of few words. I tend to talk things to death, as my ex-husband once said, and was right.

Maybe I would say something like "Novel Life, Skipping Pages and Skimming."
I feel like no one would believe the things I have experienced in my life, but it would make a great novel, and I've done my share of skipping over things I should have paid attention to, and skimming through parts I should have lingered on.

I also thought of "Rooting for Outcasts, Feel Like One." As the counselor once said, I always have a heart for the victim or black sheep of society. Am I not the one writing to a death row inmate and defending people just because they are attacked by others' comments, even when I feel they may deserve it?

How about "Wife, Mom, Homemaker, Looking for Wings." Even though I am happy with my life, I would always like to do something really important and soar for awhile.

I also like, "Mind Open, Eyes Closed, Charging Ahead." That would explain why I get off on such tangents and hit so many brick walls.

One more, "Chocolate, naps, living the good life."

Now, here is your challenge. Tell me some of yours!

The Weekend Again

My husband has been home all week sick with a cold and ear infection. So far, I haven't gotten it. He went to the doctor Monday, was given an antibiotic, was no better and went back today. He now has another antibiotic to take WITH, not INSTEAD of the first antibiotic (ever heard of such a thing?). Our weather has been so screwy, it's no wonder everyone is getting sick. In the 60's one day, below freezing the next, etc.

I posted awhile back that I write to a young man on death row, and that I used to work with his mom. He recently wrote and asked me to call her, gave me the number, and said he was worried because he hadn't heard from her in so long, no card at Christmas, etc, and wanted to know if she was ok. I called and the number he gave me was disconnected.

I remembered another lady who was a good friend to her, and called her to see if I could find out anything for him. I left her a message on her machine, and she called back and left me a voice mail saying she told his mom he was worried, his mom has changed her number, and that is it. Didn't say the mom would contact him or anything. I didn't expect her to give me the new number, as it may be unlisted or something (even though we used to be really good friends and just lost touch when we both took other jobs, never had any kind of a falling out). Now I wonder if she is upset that I am pen pals with her son or something.

I think it was Amy who commented awhile back that maybe his mom had just written him off. I guess that is possible. I guess I will just tell him I passed along his message but was not able to find out anything else.

The carpet guys cleaned my carpet yesterday, and now that it is dry, it looks dirty. I am on my "I hate carpet" kick again, and had a long talk with the other ladies at cards the other day about hardwood vs laminate vs tile. I have to admit I am leaning toward a vinyl or resilient floor for my living room. When my mom retired and built a new house on the river (which my sister now has), she put vinyl throughout. She said it was so much easier to keep clean, which it was. My grandmother had vinyl tile throughout her house when I was growing up. I have looked at Trafficmaster Allure flooring that looks like wood. I really think that is what I am going to do. Especially after talking with the guy at Lowes about what they recommend to care for laminate. (I thought laminate could be mopped; he says no, you need this kit and this stuff, and this, no mopping.)

We went tonight to see Defiance at the movies. Good. Really good. When we got there, I waited in the lobby while hubby got tickets. He came in and said the heat was out in the theatre showing our feature, but he got tickets anyway. I almost froze to death. Brrr.

Dead Tree Readers

I belong to a yahoo group for the Kindle, the e-reader I got from amazon about a year ago. I love my Kindle, carry it everywhere in my purse, always reading in waiting rooms, in the car, etc. However, I'm not against reading regular books, as some books are not available on the Kindle. I find I usually read three or four on the Kindle and then one from my bookcase. (I'm trying to get from four bookcases to one.) However, some people on the yahoo group are really Kindle-ites.
Today I read a post where a reader refers to his mom who prefers paper and ink books as a "dead tree reader" "behind the times" and "living in the dark ages."
With book stores being added to the stores with falling profits, and news articles reporting that young people are not leisure readers, I am just thrilled anyone likes reading. Out of my three children, I have one reader. Thank goodness my "reader" is also raising my granddaughter to be a "reader" too.
I can't imagine my life if I had not loved reading from a young age. It was a form of escape for me during a lot of hard times. I still have mental lists of hundreds of classics I want to read before I die.
Yesterday I spent the day with my dad. His Alzheimers is about the same. He told me about when my uncle was a POW in Germany, although he began by saying HE was he POW, but eventually the story evolved to being about my uncle and not him. My step-sister passed away Friday night and we went to sit with Daddy while my step-mom went to be with her son-in-law and the rest of the family. Daddy reminded us when we got there that Shirley died. Then in awhile he said my step-mom was at the hospital sitting with Shirley because she is in bad shape. I keep thinking I could be like him one day. My husband reminds me that my mom is about the same age and sharp as a tack and I could also be like her.
Anyway, I plan to kick up my "want to read" list and get moving on it. We are going to the funeral home this afternoon. For many years my rule has been that I dont go to funerals. But I am better emotionally now, and I think it will be ok. My step-sister was 65 and died of a stroke. I wasn't very close to her as she was married and had children of her own when my dad and her mom married, but she was a nice lady.
I started keeping a prayer list in a little organizer in my purse a few weeks ago. It started with three names, is now up to nine, one came off (my granddaughter is feeling better after her ear infection.) It seems like so many people are struggling with finances, sickness, and other troubles right now. I feel very blessed to not have any needs of my own on the list right now. No needs but a lot of thank you's. I guess God still loves us "dead tree readers", too.

Oh My!

My hubby and I were watching the View last night (we Tivo'd it) when we witnessed Sigourney Weaver flashing America. Just to be sure, my husband checked the screen closer and she was not wearing underwear. (I was laughing too hard to object.) I don't get the whole commando thing. That is just gross. It seems like one look at that set with cameras aimed straight on and the couch that has to be voted "most uncomfortable ever" that she would rethink the whole skin tight dress idea.

Reading and Ruminating

Not much new around here.
I got to babysit my grandbaby for awhile Saturday. My daughter and son-in-law drove down to put up a new kitchen light for me, and afterward they went out for a little shopping. My granddaughter was feeling bad with a cold, and she mostly sat in my lap while I rocked her. She slept for awhile and watched Yo Gabba Gabba the rest of the time.
My youngest son has started back to college. He went for a semester right out of high school before he began his career as a DJ. Now he wants to go back and take some computer classes and his basics.
My son in Seattle has not found a job yet. He has to make a decision soon about moving. I'm just praying things work out for him. I know he wants to stay there if possible.
My daughter had a birthday!
My husband and I have been using the E-Mealz meal planning service again. We were doing Kroger's since that is where we usually shop, but decided to get off our fat butts and lose some of this weight we've put back on, so beginning on Thursday of next week (when we buy groceries again) we are switching to a Weight Watchers dinner menu. I'm not going to WW. I know enough about what I SHOULD be eating to plan my own breakfast and lunch, and then I will use the planned dinners.
I got new glasses because we have a new vision plan on our health insurance. They are frameless and very light and drive me nuts. (No, not big like Palin's) I guess I'm used to heavier frames as these feel like they are falling off my face all the time.
I finished reading Revolutionary Road. I would say it's a book that the reader will remember for a long time, but it's also a downer. I think the movie with DeCaprio and Kate Winslet will be good. I can see them playing those characters. I also finished Suze Ormans 2009 Action Plan.
Now I'm reading World Without End, which should keep me busy for awhile!
We found this little cafe way out in the sticks that is only open for dinner three nights a week, and has the best steaks I've ever tasted. We are going there with one of our neighbors and her friend on Thursday night. How about that--! Me! Socializing with the neighbors for more than cards!

Mo Mo Mo Money

We decided to pay off our credit cards this year if at all possible. Then we will be totally out of debt. I watched the Oprah show with Suze Orman yesterday, and we sat down last night and listed our expenses, which are wants or needs, etc. We canceled HBO, our spring water service, and the cleaning lady (all wants). We decided our TIVO is a definite need, and so is eating out three days every two weeks (we get paid every two weeks) as long as we don't eat at pricey restaurants.

My husband said he can give up eating lunch out every day if he takes leftovers from dinner.
This came about because my son called to borrow tuition money the other night, and I didn't have it to give him. I felt really badly about it. Like most people, I waste a lot of money, especially since we have a Starbucks now.

Also, I lost weight, got rid of all my fat clothes, gained the weight back, and now have nothing to wear. ha. But you all would be proud of me. I went to the thrift store and bought three blouses still new with tags for five bucks each. I've never been good at saving money, so this is a really good challenge for me.

I told my husband I really do believe that God helps those who help themselves, and after our talk and resolutions on budgeting last night, he called today to tell me his cost of living raise is going to be on next week's check. Not much but a blessing, none the less.

I have to say that writing to the death row inmate has made me a lot more appreciative of what I have. I feel really superficial when I complain about my weight and dieting when he has lost so much weight since his trial because of not having enough food. I complain about having to go out around people when he has no freedom. I complain about having to take medicine when he stays inside in the winter for fear of getting sick and not having the medical help he would need. I think I really need to stop being so ungrateful and complaining so much. My worst day is so far above his best day.

I had to tell the cleaning lady that I can't have her come for awhile, and she was so nice about it. She didn't say it but I got the impression I'm not the only one of her clients cutting back on cleaning help. I would feel worse except I know she has people waiting to get her to clean for them, because she does such a good job. When I was playing cards today, several of the women were talking about their cleaning help, and I asked what they pay for their townhouses, since they are the same size as mine. They pay between 50-60, and I was paying 90. So I guess if we can get someone to clean later on, I'll shop around a bit more.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out a system to my cleaning, so I don't have everything to do in one day. I figured I can do some on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and use Thursday as my day for doctor visits and other appointments. Tuesday and Friday mornings are my card days, but since Friday is just until noon, I figured I can get something done that day, too. A lady I know recommended doing my weekly stuff, and then each week concentrating on one room and giving that room some extra cleaning, decluttering, etc. That way every six to eight weeks, the house has a really good cleaning. I have said before I love laundry, but I hate mopping and wiping baseboards. Also my vacuum is sucky around the edges of the carpet, and I hate using the brush thing to clean that. I like dusting and cleaning mirrors. Isn't it funny how some people like some parts of house cleaning that other people hate. Of course, there have been times that I have hated it all.

Reading, Ranting, and the Ridiculous

Books read so far in 2009:
The Rock Orchard by Paula Wall-- it's about the women of the Belle family and other characters in this small town, at the diner, the doc, the preacher, etc. Started out great and I thought for the first ten chapters it was going to be the best book I've ever read, but then the author sort of lost it and tried to package everything up too quickly. I was very disappointed. First half of book 5 stars Last half 2 stars, total score averaged 3.5

Follow the River by James Thorn- Based on a true story about a woman abducted by Indians who tries to make her way back home. This was an old yellowed copy I bought at a used book sale and found tucked into the back of my bookcase. VERY good book. Unbelievable what this woman had to go through, but you won't be able to put it down. They actually made a movie out of this, but the book is better according to what I have read about them both. I'd give this one a 5.0. I would read this over again.

I'm learning to tell people no when asked to do something I know I don't need to do. It's hard for me to say no to anyone. It comes back to that "what if they don't like me" thing. But I figured out if I try to please everyone, then I don't like me.

My MIL leaves tomorrow. I thank you all for putting up with my belly-aching about her being here. I'll shut up now, until she comes back in July.

I have beautiful new tile in my kitchen, and now my light fixture seems to have konked out. It's fluorescent, and I hope it is just a matter of needing bulbs, but it's never acted like this before. It comes on but barely, more of a faint glow, very faint. In the South, we still believe men should fix things (I know my daughter is shaking her head. Ok, old people in the South still believe this.) My husband is not a fixer. That can be very frustrating at times. However, he is great at running errands, so I guess that makes up for his lack of fixing talents. I'm going to try replacing the bulbs tomorrow. I'm still trying to train him about the umbrella thing. Now that's something every man should know about. Men get the car when it's raining and pick up the women at the door. At the very least, they have an umbrella to hold over you. Geez. Where was he raised? Oh yeah, not here.

Since I got my bathroom scales and started watching my weight, I've gained two pounds. Maybe just watching it is not enough. ha.

Pet peeve: Robin McGraw writing books. She is an expert on aging because? Don't tell me it's because she looks so great for 55. If I had her money, I'd look good, too. Really, Dr Phil has taken nepotism to an all time high level. His son is now an expert on bullies, his wife on aging, etc. And how did Dr Phil think himself an expert on wt loss. He has two chins.

Tick tock tick tock............

I think I've pretty much blown all my NY resolutions by now. Must be a new record. I haven't walked one day, had three pieces of pizza tonight, have already ordered three books from Amz (read one and a half though, still behind the buy/read ratio)...On the other hand, I did go to church today, have been nicer to my husband, and have been good to myself. How do I know I've been taking care of myself, you ask?

Well, MIL is still here. I haven't killed her or lost my cool with her. I pretty much have only talked to her when I have to the last few days. She hasn't noticed though. I figured out as long as she thinks everyone is doing things the way she wants, she is happy. And as long as I can call her names in my head, I'm happy. Win-win. Ok, yes I am a bit afraid of what I'm thinking accidentally coming out my mouth (It's your turn to deal the cards, you old witch!) but so far I've been able to handle it. I know. I know. I need more church. ha.


Even women at Sunday school are giving me pity looks when I drag her with me into class Sunday after Sunday. One lady leaned over to her this morning and said, "Are you still visiting?" MIL said yes. Then the lady said, "Thought maybe you had moved here." I won't even tell you what I was saying in my mind at that point.

I gave MY mom a big soft terry robe for Christmas last year. This year she wrapped it back up and gave it back to me (it was not my only present from her.) I loved it. I'm wearing it now. What other family could have a member give you back your present and say it was way too big for her but she figured it would fit my fat butt just fine, and me be happy about it? One of my best presents, actually, besides my son-in-law and daughter giving me the kitchen backsplash and my George Foreman grill. I just hope I'm not going to have to cook anymore for my MIL before she leaves...She's leaving Wednesday, counting the hours........

New Year Resolutions

1. Lose weight. I bought scales. I weighed. I almost passed out.

2. Begin walking at least two mornings a week. I figure that's a good attainable amount of days.

3. Don't buy anything on credit and don't buy another book until I read what I have.

4. Save more money for Christmas next year.

5. Clear all clutter downstairs and quit griping about the upstairs. I can be happy if I really try, with half the house being clutter free.

6. Go to church regularly.

7. Be nicer to my husband.

8. Spend more time with my friend, Dawn. She would love to have a regular weekly lunch, which I should be able to do, and know I would enjoy it.

9. Enjoy the time I have left with my parents. Let the past go and see my sister.

and 10.
Take care of myself emotionally. Speak up for myself. Express my honest opinion when asked instead of going along with everyone else. Allow myself to rest when I'm tired without guilt.

Put the Christmas Tree in the Dumpster

Christmas is over. Thank God! I know that's not how we are suppose to feel at Christmas, but for a person who thinks I'm responsible for everyone having a good time, it's all just too much.
My son is here visiting, and still hasn't found a job, so he's understandable depressed--which makes him grouchy and irritable, which he takes out on everyone. He has informed me that my mother-in-law and husband both get on his last nerve, and that he never gets to spend any alone time with me because they are always around. He said he realizes if he stays living in another state, and always comes home at Christmas, this is how he will be, since she comes every year at summer and Christmas. I am driving him myself to the airport today. We are going to stop and have breakfast somewhere and just enjoy a tiny bit of talking alone.
The problem with the MIL is she has an opinion on everything, and knows everything and wants you to know that she does. Example, I was making a french toast casserole with blueberry/maple syrup topping for Christmas morning and she stood over me reading the recipe and saying, "I don't like nutmeg..Leave that out." etc. etc.
I guess I should count my blessings that she doesn't live around here. I just find it aggravating that she has never been invited to my house to spend six weeks of every year up my butt but she persists in doing it anyway. (Sorry. I'm mad.)
On a lighter note, I loved seeing my granddaughter enjoying her Christmas this year. At eighteen months, she's just now old enough to get excited over it all, and she did.
I loved seeing all three of my kids together. It's the only time of the year when they get to see each other.
Ok, enough light, back to the griping. My husband's pack-rat-ishness is a big peeve of mine. He insisted that I made a huge mistake by throwing away two rolls of wrapping paper (that each had maybe a foot of paper on them)away, and dug them out of the trash to put into our overflowing attic that is so full now we can't find anything in it. The thoughts I had should make me ashamed but they had something to do with living long enough to be a widow and being able to throw all this junk away.
Yes, I know that's bad, but now that my blog is private, I am going to tell the truth, no matter how ugly, so hang on! I do love my husband. I also loved living by myself. If I could have him living across the street, that would be perfect.
I got a new laptop. My youngest son wanted to try it out. As soon as he left, I turned it on and got Trojan Virus warnings. My other son spent all day trying to get all the bits of it off. He got rid of the virus with virus scan software but I still had some kind of worm on there (that's what he called it) that made webpages keep opening on top of the one I am looking at.
Well MIL is getting out of the shower so I better post this before she asks to read it. ha.
Hope you all had a great Christmas. I'll do a separate post on NY resolutions.

Please Go HOME

My mother-in-law has been here since December 19th. She is not leaving until January 7th. Need I say more?

Cutie's Christmas Pic

Our year has almost come to an end. My son from Seattle is here visiting. My mother-in-law also arrived and will be here a few weeks. I've been doing a lot of cooking with the deal that my husband will do the dishes, but he seems to be falling behind. In other words, I can't see the sink. ha. I will end up doing them this afternoon and then suggesting we eat out for a couple of meals until he figures out he only gets cooking if he holds up his end of the deal.
This has been a good year, even though we've had some bad things happen. I was in the hospital and my son lost his job, but hopefully both of those things will lead to positive changes. I am looking forward to the New Year and new beginnings. New chances to do things better.
My granddaughter is getting so big! She recently had her eighteenth month pictures taken so I couldn't resist putting one on here. And my daughter says if all goes well, I may have two grandchildren next Christmas. :-)
The lady next door has been out looking for her Yorkie. He's seven months old and got out of the back yard when he was taking a potty run this morning. I walked around the town homes a bit but didn't see him. It's so cold out here today, and I hope he's ok.
I got a new laptop. It's the Dell Inspiron Mini 9, really cute and only two pounds. Fits in my purse. It's my early Santa gift.

Blog Going Private

I've decided to make my blog private at the first of the year. I've had several years of not having to worry about it being located by people I'd rather not read it, but there's always that nagging doubt. I've decided to make it readable only to famiy, friends, and other faithful readers. If you would like to be able to continue to read it, just email me at decaturauthor@aol.com, telling me who you are and a bit about why you want to continue to read (unless I know you).
As my extended family continues to discover the internet, and I choose to rag on my husband's boss's wife at times, I figured this might be safer.

No More Shoes!

I went to see my therapist today (first time since September). This is the lady I've been seeing off and on for years, and she works in the office with my psychiatrist. Since the whole mania thing came up, I've been worried about it, so I decided to go see her and talk about it. After a long relentless discussion with her asking me a billion questions, she says no, I'm not manic. At least she doesn't think so. (The doctor will have to confirm that in January.)

She reminded me of the big breakthrough of confronting my mom on the phone when I was in the hospital, and finally telling her how I feel about things. Since then I've felt very peaceful. It's like regardless of what happens with my mom and sister, I feel good about things now. I spoke my peace. I apologized for my part. I told my mom I needed to have her tell me she loves me (and she does now every time we talk.) I overcame a huge hurdle.

The therapist feels that is the reason my depression is gone. She thinks that's the reason that I feel more confident. And she said she's seen in her practice that as low as your issues seem to hold you captive, that's the distance you usually swing the other way once you've dealt with them.

I told her I was afraid the depression would come back, but she doesn't think so. She said to continue being active, getting out socially, exercising, and eating healthy, and my new habits should keep me healthy.

I can't tell you how much better I felt just talking to her. It's hard to enjoy feeling good when you are always worried that the other shoe is going to drop.

Frankly My Dear......

Yesterday, we went to a luncheon for a lady at my husband's office who is retiring. It was at a local restaurant. They had set up ten or so round tables, and three long tables put together along one wall to be the head table. They informed us since my husband is a team supervisor we had to sit at the head table. Fine.

I went down to the end and sat next to the last seat. My husband took the last seat. Then my husband's boss and his wife came in and she sat next to me. Since we've been married, he's had a couple of bosses, with people transferring and moving through the ranks, so I don't know this lady very well. But of course, I wanted to be friendly.

So we started talking about the holidays, family, etc. It's very noisy in there, so we had to raise our voices above the din, BUT, this lady was yelling in my ear. Not only that, but she thought she was hilarious, and laughed raucously every time she said something. She also had a mouth any sailor would be proud of and threw in LOTS of words my Daddy would wash my mouth out for saying.

I ran out of things to say to her pretty quickly, and had no idea how to respond to her colorful language, but thankfully she didn't seem to notice and was able to carry on the conversation all by herself.

Later, I commented to my husband in the car that she was loud and cussed a lot. He said, "Yeah, she's not a very dainty, ladylike person." Listen, there is dainty and ladylike, and then there is just pure old common MANNERS. I admit (and this may rile some of you) but the Scarlet in me did have the thought of "Damn Yankees." Now that's an expletive my daddy would approve of.

So here's your thought for the day from Rita Rudner: "I don't cook. I don't understand baking. Like you mix flour and water together and you get glue. Then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake. Where does the glue go?"

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

Ok, so I admit everything tastes great to me right now, but of all the baking I've been doing, these are the best freaking cookies I've ever had in my life. I used golden raisins, but otherwise followed the recipes exactly. I baked them exactly thirteen minutes, and even though they still looked awfully soft, after cooling on a wire rack they were perfect. I took some last night to the clubhouse, and everyone that bit into one said, "Oh my God, these are GOOD." I got the recipe on Zaar. Enjoy.

Makes 36 cookies
Whisk together and set aside
* 2 cups all purpose flour
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon baking powder
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
Cream wet ingredients
* 1 cup unsalted butter, softened
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 cup dark brown sugar
* 2 large eggs
* 2 teaspoons vanilla
Then stir in
* 3 cups oats (not instant)
* 1 1/2 cups raisins
Directions
Preheat oven to 350°.
Whisk dry ingredients; set aside.
Combine wet ingredients with a hand mixer on low.
To cream, increase speed to high and beat until fluffy and the color lightens.
Stir the flour mixture into the creamed mixture until no flour is visible.
(Over mixing develops the gluten, making a tough cookie.) Now add the oats and raisins; stir to incorporate.
Fill cookie scoop with dough.
(Use a #40 cookie scoop; it measures 2 tablespoon of dough) Press against side of bowl, pulling up to level dough.) (Note: I don’t have a cookie scoop but used an ice cream scoop and it worked fine.)
Drop 2-inches apart onto baking sheet sprayed with nonstick spray.
Bake 11-13 minutes (on center rack), until golden, but still moist beneath cracks on top.
Remove from oven; let cookies sit on baking sheet for 2 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool.

Please Let This Be What Normal Feels Like

My husband was off Friday so it was a long weekend for us. We did a bit of Christmas and grocery shopping. He also helped me to complete some secret shops. Today we went to the Christmas choir program at the church.

Tomorrow night we have cards at the clubhouse; Tuesday I have cards at the senior center; Wednesday, I'm going with him to a luncheon for a lady in his office that is retiring; Thursday, he is going with me to the Senior Ctr for their Christmas party. Thursday night is the party at the clubhouse for our Sunday School classes (We've only been there once but they invited us and since it's here at the clubhouse with many of our card playing buddies, I thought we'd go). Friday morning is card playing at the clubhouse again. Normally (although I'm not sure what is normal for me anymore) having something to do every day would be absolutely exhausting for me to think about and render me totally frozen in doing anything at all. Now, though, I look forward to these things. I look forward to Christmas even.

So my husband and I were talking today, and he commented how well I am doing off my anti-depressants. I said, "Yeah, and I feel so good. I have energy. I look forward to getting out around people, shopping, decorating for the holidays. This week I'm going to do some holiday baking. My only problem is I have no desire to go to sleep without my Ambien, and I really hoped I could quit them by now. Also, I feel like I'm always hungry and never full." The minute it left my mouth, it hit me what I had just said, and he immediately said, "Sounds like you're manic." Then I remembered all the times my doctor had asked me that checklist of things that included most of what I recited to my husband. So it could be mania, or at least hypomania, which is a lesser degree. I don't know. I only know that for the last two months, I've felt FANTASTIC.

If it is mania, that would mean I have some version of bi-polar, with the highs and lows. I don't know. I hope not. All I know is I hope whatever this is, it lasts a long time. And I hope I don't have to go on any medication. I see my shrink again in January. I only have to go every three to four months now. I just want very badly for this to be my new normal. I'm really enjoying my life right now. I'm not going to mention any of this to him when I go. I will answer his questions truthfully, but hopefully, he will just think I'm doing great.

Trivial Pursuit

Today is cleaning lady day, which means I spend the morning straightening up everything and then spend the afternoon watching for her to get here. It gets later each time. Who knew having a cleaning lady could be so stressful. I'd like her to be through when my husband gets home, so when she gets here, I have to leave. If I stay, because we used to work together and she thinks I'm a good listener, she talks instead of cleaning. I like talking with her, but hate seeing the clock tick closer and closer to my husband getting off work and no housecleaning getting finished. It's like hairdressers. I never liked the ones who talked. I like the ones who are fast, who throw you in the chair, cut like crazy, are a wizard with the blow dryer and WA-LA! You're done. Pay. Out the door.

I played cards at the senior center yesterday. It was fun. We looked like a large convention of Christmas sweaters. I know Christmas sweaters are suppose to be ugly by fashion standards. (Even Ebay has whole groups of ads on UGLY Christmas sweaters) but I think a giant Santa across your chest is much more fashionable than a plaid shirt tail hanging out under a t-shirt. Tim Gunn may disagree, but if he joined our card players, we'd have him in a Christmas sweater before you know it.

Still no job for the son in Seattle. Keep praying. I want to say pray he gets one in Alabama, or at least Nashville, but he'd like to get one there. Right now, he'd just like to get a job period.

Gas here is down to $1.63. That's unreal. I hope it holds through the holidays.

My son-in-law is going to put me up a tile backsplash when they come for Christmas. I am so excited to have something besides painted sheetrock between my cabinets. I've wiped splatters until there's not a lot of paint left. I got tile in my guest bathroom a couple of years ago, and I love it. I know I will really enjoy having this backsplash too. Someday I'm going to rip out this living room carpet and put down either new carpet or new hardwood or laminate. Reading about Cathy's made me want it even more. It sure makes a room look clean.

I feel bad as I post this, talking about such trivial things on my blog when so many people are facing such hard things this Christmas, but my life right now is about trivial things, and that is a blessing in itself. I think it's only when things calm down in our own lives that we take the time to look around and see the problems others are facing, and we feel for them. Especially at Christmas.

Yes, we went to church Sunday. My husband actually liked the sermon. I wish I could say I did, but I actually did too much daydreaming to be able to comment. I'll try to do better next time.