Well my dulcimer teacher thought I did great tonight at class. He said he could tell I had been practicing and I was the only one he didn't have to correct anything on the whole evening. Plus he liked the McSpadden I had bought, and even asked if he could play it. (I let him play it but I am soooo possessive of it. ) So I guess my self-confidence is back.
Why is it that I base my self-worth on what others think, when I know that is totally subjective. One day I'm great and the next day I'm not. Just based on whether someone said something nice to me that day or not. I guess that's what co-dependence is, but what the heck do you do to change it. I can be really assertive and say I don't give a #$% what anyone thinks, but the truth is I really do. When I was working, if someone told me I did a great job, or had an amazing idea, or whatever-the slightest praise- and I ate that up. But criticism does me in. Totally.
I had a counselor say once to think of in what context I could handle criticism well. There isn't one. I guess that means I'm extremely thin-skinned. I just hide it well around others, usually.
Plus I have this super-long memory. If you ever said someone really mean to me, even if it was twenty years ago, I still remember the exact words you said. My first ex-husband said a LOT of mean things to me, and I still remember those in great detail. And even though I proved to MYSELF that I was not the things he said (stupid for one), it still bothers me to think that someone else thought that.....
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