Playing Hookey

I'm having a problem with waking up in the middle of the night wide awake and can't get back to sleep (hot flashes are hell). I think being tired all the time is why the stress at work is getting to me. So I decided to take a day off. I'm playing hookey.
I slept until 9:15. I'm still in my nightgown. I'm watching Dr. Phil on Tivo and playing on the computer. And feel like this is the best day I've had in a long time.....
Honestly (and why should I be anything but honest on here), I'd have already quit my job except for two reasons. One is the people at work wondered why I came back to work in the first place and made an unofficial bet to themselves about how long before I'd quit. The other thing is I am giving most of every check to things my kids need. The check I get tomorrow bought a dulcimer for my youngest and a plane ticket for the older one to travel to see his girlfriend. My older son is in college full-time, using his savings to pay tuition and books, and his girlfriend lives in another state, so since I don't want him to quit school, I help them see each other.
So today, I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, thinking about how much my desk will be piled up with work when I get back tomorow, and also how little I want to do any of it.
But at least I remember how good it felt to play hookey from school. Just wish I still had my Granny here to take care of me and make my lunch. :-)

Wouldn't it be cool.....

If we had remote controls for people? Of course, they would need a "power on" switch, for that lazy girl at the office who sits and paints her fingernails instead of answering the phone, and a "power off" switch for the chatty one who never shuts up. But even better than that, how about a pause button? You know your boss walks in...."Did I not tell you I needed this completed by (PAUSE!).....yesterday....Oh, I see it's on my desk...Sorry!"
Then of course, you'd need the rewind one. Someone does something really stupid, and the more you think about it, the funnier it is. Just rewind and watch it over and over. Better than instant replay in sports, I would think. Then how about a record button for the cute things your kids do. But my original button that would have to be added would be the "stupid button". Someone asks you a really dumb question (Stupid button pushed) "Oh Sorry, that was really a stupid question wasn't it? Dumb dumb me...!"
I thought of this idea when I was driving home from work yesterday. Which tells you how my brain is pretty much mush by five o'clock. ha.
Update: My boss says the drunk lady "quit" after he talked to her. Uh hum.
What I am looking forward to most this week? It's payday Friday (only get paid every two weeks). What am I dreading the most? Having to work until Friday before I get another weekend!
I haven't mentioned the hearing aid deal lately. I picked up the one I had ordered. It didn't fit right and had this horrible rushing air sound, so I sent it back to them. Then I decided since it looks like any hearing aid you get will have to have numerous adjustments (that's what other hearing aid wearers have said) I decided to get one locally instead of a hundred miles away where the first one was ordered (I was seeing a ear specialist there). Yesterday I went to the new place closer to work, and they were so nice and so helpful. I had a new impression made and my new high tech, has all the latest technology (beam me up Scotty) hearing aid will be ready in a week to ten days.
In the meantime, my doctor had written to my boss to request the company buy me an amplified phone. (According to the ADA, employers have to make reasonable accomodations for disabilities) My boss said to find out exactly what the doctor thought was best. So I go back to my boss and tell him the doctor said any phone that will work with our phone system as long as it is "hearing aid compatible" (which means it has a magnetic flux that makes the hearing aid turn off all other sound except for the phone when you are talking on it. Cool huh). My boss said, well I ordered a twenty dollar amplifier for the office phones we have now....(Guess I should be grateful he got anything, but what happened to him waiting to see what the doctor recommended like he said????) So I guess we'll see how that goes. I did notice that when wearing the first hearing aid, every time I put my cellphone near my head, I got bad static)
Ok, enough on hearing aids....someone push the rewind button...the remote stuff was funnier.

I'm Not Making This Stuff Up

Our boss called a staff meeting. Monday mornings are hectic. I, myself, have four reports due by 9 AM that I can't get the updated info for until 8AM. But the boss just has to have this meeting, and he went through the office rounding everyone up. After we are all assembled, he begins a kindergarten type game of our getting to know each other. What is your favorite food etc? I wanted to scream.
Then, one of my co-workers interrupted him. I noticed she looked really bad, like she was sick or had very little sleep. She started to talk, and she was babbling and making no sense. I asked the girl next to me if perhaps that lady was having a reaction to some medicine. She looked at me like I was from some other planet, and said, "No....she's DRUNK!" I didn't recognize it. I felt really naive. They sent her home. Drunk at 8AM is a pretty bad sign I guess.

Mistaken Idea

I guess I've had the mistaken idea for a long time that the world revolves around me. When everyone at work is grouchy, I think there is something I should have/could have done to make them happier. When I dress I'm sure if I wear the same pants I wore two days ago, but with a different blouse, someone will notice and wonder why. If someone honks their car horn in traffic, I immediately wonder what I did wrong. And if there is a lapse in the conversation when I enter a room, I figure they must have been talking about me. Oh I think I've always been like this. But last week made it even clearer. My book came out that my short story was in. I took it to work. I was so proud of it. I had a daydream in my mind that I'd show it to one person and before long everyone in the office would know and be so excited for me. I showed it to one person who said, "Oh, that's nice. Leave it on my desk and I'll look at it later if I have time." I went back to my desk to pout. Later that morning, I had convinced myself that she was just having a bad day, but everyone else would be excited for me. So I got it from her desk and went to the back office and told two nurses there. They had about the same reaction. That time I went back to my desk, book in hand, put it in the drawer with my purse, and didn't take it back out. I realized it was a lot more exciting to me than everyone else. But it started me thinking. Does anyone really notice what I wear? Whether or not my car was washed lately? Whether or not there is dust on my coffee table? Does anyone really notice anything? Or is everyone like me, so wrapped up in worrying what others think of them, that they don't think anything of others? It's certainly something to think about......

Hoochie Mama

I have this neighbor I used to walk with, years ago. She called me Friday at home and on my cell and left messages that she really needed to talk to me. So I called her. Well she said she's started selling Mary Kay and she's in this contest and she has to do some facials on people. She said would you let me do a facial on you? It won't take but a few minutes, she says. So I said, sure, how about Saturday. Well yesterday I forgot it, of course, and went to take a Saturday afternoon nap. When I woke up, my husband and son had been bombarded with calls from her. So I called her back and asked when she wanted to meet. She said to come on over. I asked if I should take off my makeup, and she said, "Well I wasn't going to do a facial today. I was going to do an interview, but if you want a facial, we can do that, too." I'm thinking....interview??? But I said I'd help her out, so I trudge over there. She's there, her "friend" from Mary Kay is there, and they both start on me about selling. I listened to their sales pitch and told them I'm not interested in selling Mary Kay. I came to get some lipstick. ha. "But what do you see yourself doing in five years???" I said, "Retiring and sitting on my butt." But would you not like to get your products at wholesale? "Nope. I'm willing to pay full price so I don't have to sell Mary Kay." Finally the "friend" huffed back to her car, and it's time for the facial. I try so many cleansers and toners and moisturizers I can't keep them straight. If I did like one, I'd never figure out which one it was. Then she says we'll do COLORRRRRR, like it's some top secret government project. Fifteen minutes later, I am handed a mirror. The lighting was very dim in her dining room, but I did figure out that if I ever am really strapped for money, I make a pretty decent looking whore, if you cake on enough make-up. I bought my lipstick, paid her, and came home. When I came in the back door, my husband died laughing. He added that in addition to being a pretty good lady of the evening, I'd also make a pretty decent clown. ha. We both giggled while I used a half a jar of cold cream getting the stuff off my face. But hey, at least I know if these idiots in my office get the best of me, I now have two other careers to fall back on.......

Excuse me, Can I move my desk OUTSIDE?

I love that show Office Space. Never expected to be working around the loonies though. Now I find I am. Our General Mgr is out of the office doing training. That left the Patient Care Manager (I'm her secretary) in charge. We also have a girl who serves as "office mgr" which means she orders office supplies, faxes things, sends in our payroll, etc. My boss asked the Office Mgr to call HR for her to get a pay range because she was going to hire a new nurse (who was sitting there at the time waiting to fill out her new hire paperwork). Well, the office manager yelled at her, "I don't have to do what you say. You're not my boss. The GM is my boss. I'm not your Peeee-onnnnn anymore!" So the fight was on. My boss said she's not going to be left in charge if she's not in charge, etc, so she got on the phone with the GM. The Office Mgr said she wasn't going to be told what to do by someone who was not her boss, so she called the GM. Then someone called the REGIONAL mgr and she pulled our GM out if his training class about the conflict in our office. A lot of people very aggravated, all at one time. Our GM does his typical "I have no balls" act, and tried to speak to each person on the phone saying whatever they wanted to hear, and taking no stand on any of it. When confronted by HIS own boss that he had to handle it, he said he'd do it when he got back in town (another week). In the meantime, the two women in our office are not speaking, so they send each other EMAILS when they want something. Well email is a wonderful thing. But it sure does cause some breakdowns in communication, if you are not sure what the other person is asking. My boss asked me if I needed any office supplies as she was going to EMAIL the office manager. I said yes, I need 25 binders for charts. Three days later, a huge order from Staples comes in, and the office mgr unpacks it all, but no binders show up in our office, so I asked her. (See, I can ask someone directly without email!) She said no one told her I needed chart binders..... So I trudge back into my office, and ask my boss. She sends an EMAIL back into the other room and says where are the binders I requested.....The office mgr says they are in the storage room.....Boss passes this on to me. I search the storage room but there are no cheap burgundy binders like we use for charts. There are three giant boxes of white expensive ones with the plastic sheet protectors on the front. Hmm....Now I'm confused....So I trudge back to the office manager's desk and said Are we switching to white binders for charts? No.... Then what are the white ones for...."Well your boss just said binders, she didn't say they were for charts..." I said, "They're for charts....but I don't care what color they are...I'll use them. Thanks." (My attempt at smoothing over the situation." She replied, "Well now my budget is shot to hell because you can't figure out what kind of binders you two need." I shook my head and trudged back into my corner. This all brings me to my questions. When did grown people revert back to being children, and will they ever grow out of this? Or is this my lot in life until my own retirement. If I ran the world (company), I'd have a cure for all this....I'd call them both in, tell them they are acting like spoiled brats, they have to learn to get along, and if they don't play well together, I'll call their mothers to come get them....Oh wait....That is what I say to children..... :-) Now I understand why old people turn off their hearing aids......

You Know You're Old When....

You know you're old when.... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
You know you're old when.... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
You know you're old when... A sexy hottie catches your attention and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
You know you're old when...... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
You know you're old when... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
You know you're old when... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
You know you're old when... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today. You know you're old when...... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
And finally...you know you're old when...... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!!!!

The link at the side for "HerStory- What I Learned in my Bathtub" is the book my short story was published in. The book will be released October 3, but Amazon is taking pre-orders. It will be the first thing I ever got published. I have two other things that were accepted but the books haven't come out yet. My short story is called, "I Want to Sing".

Yes I Really Did This....

Because Alaskan Amy says people sometimes aren't REAL in their posts about their lives, and she's right, and because my friend Cathy from Tennessee insisted I tell this one, I'm going to be both real and brave and tell about my latest most embarrassing moment. Because my blood pressure medicine has a diuretic in it, by the time I make the 40 minute commute to work in the mornings, I usually have to GO immediately on arriving. Unfortunately, one morning last week, I had several people there early waiting for me and each of them needed something NOW, so my bathroom break had to wait. Well by the time I realized I couldn't wait anymore, and rushed back to the bathroom, I had a small spot that had escaped on the underpants. I dried them as best I could, but then the thought occurred to me that I sure didn't want to go around smelling like pee all day. I looked around and spied some citrus air freshener and sprayed those panties good. A few minutes later, at my desk, my crotch felt like I had caught fire, and I realized maybe the air freshener was not such a great idea. I hurried back to the bathroom and splashed water like I was dying, but it didn't seem to help. I ended up throwing away the underwear and going au naturale under my slacks all day, coated with some butt salve I found in our med supply room that we use on older patients. This is the stuff in life that happens that is much funnier than anything one can make up.

Real Women Stand UP

If you've never seen the movie "Real Women Have Curves", you should. In it, a young girl rebels against what society says she should look like. It's a great study into what we buy into with today's advertising. If you haven't read, Dove is now featuring an ad with "Real Women", women of different ages, different sizes, with freckles, without, to show us that "beautiful" is not just something others have and we'll never achieve, but something we've had all along!
Check it out. I'm ready to jump on this bandwagon. It's time we stood up to those people who push their ideal of what women should look like and cause inferiority and eating disorders as a result! C'Mom Women! Get REAL. www.campaignforrealbeauty.com

Sausage with Eyes???

I went to the ear doctor and after they made a plastic mold of both ears, they told me to come back in two weeks. I will be wearing two "Cros" hearing aids, behind each ear, one on my bad side with a microphone will send the sound to the good side which has a receiver. Then I can hear people no matter which side of me they stand on, and supposedly can answer the phone on either ear, hear BOTH headphones, etc. Neat, huh. (Sometimes when I am typing my posts, it won't let me "enter" to a new paragraph. When I push enter, my cursor disappears. If anyone can figure this out, let me know.) I am going through Diet Coke withdrawal. My son had two in his frig in his room, and he gave them to me and I shared with hubby. Two hours later, I'm wishing I had that diet coke back from him. Isn't that terrible? It must be some commandment about not coveting your husband's Diet Coke. Won't be the first commandment I blew all to hell. ha. Back in the early 90's, I received an email from Travelzoo, which at that time was a new company just beginning to have stock, and they offered a free share to anyone who visited their site. Their idea was that if you "owned stock" in their company, you would refer your friends to it, etc, thus helping them get off the ground. I forgot all about that one share of stock.....Lately I read an article how some guy sold his "free share", so I decided to look into it. I wrote to them, and they had my email on record, so they sent me a form to fill out. I did, and today I got a check for $180 bucks. Not bad for a free share. So I decided to buy me some clothes. I ordered a pair of brown boots and a tan suede jacket I found on sale. I recently had my color thing done online (it's free. Write beautibydi@aol.com), and found out I am suppose to be wearing tans, browns, rusts, deep purple, etc (warm colors) so I'm buying that color stuff. The best part about it is if you stick to a certain color palette everything can go with other stuff you have. And as Andy Paige says, don't buy anything you can't wear with at least three other things. Andy would be proud. We met my daughter when we went to get the hearing aids, and we had lunch at Macaroni Grille. She came in wearing gray slacks and a pink cardigan and she looked so cute! Of course it's easy to look cute when you're a size 8! She told me when she was little that she was never going to be fat, and she eats right and exercises and has always been little. It also may help that she was always little for her age, weighing only five pounds a a premie. I can blame all my fat cells on my mother, because in pictures of me at two, I look like a sausage with eyes!

Some People Have No Reason to Live......

What is it about some people? I've been working in this office for a little over a month now, and I'm beginning to learn the office dynamics. In other words....who hates who...which people are in which clique, and other quirks. We have this office loud mouth that NO one can stand. She is LOUD and obnoxious and did I say, LOUD? She has an accent like redneck trailer trash, and she butchers her English so badly at such a high volume that everyone desperately wants to install a volume switch on some portion of her anatomy.
Then there's our office whiner. Everything is wrong, no one appeciates her, no one knows how hard she works, how can anyone understand how bad her job is, gas is too high, our toliet paper in the bathroom is not the kind she likes, and if her attitude wasn't bad enough, she's also the office "crier". I think crying is a good thing, but not all the freaking time. And not over stupid stuff. She went into our General Mgrs office to cry over how much it cost to fill up her tank that morning. She boo-hooed for ten minutes. Then you walk by her office and she will stop you and start crying over how far she is behind on her paperwork. I'm thinking, if you hadn't stopped me, you could have been through by now? Duh?
In the midst of all of this, we still have some pretty cool people to work with. I guess all good boxes of chocolates contain a few nuts, huh Forest?
Tomorrow morning I get fitted with hearing aids. I have to be in Bham at 930. I'll give you an update later. Have a great weekend!

Oh Coolllllllllll

I am a "Starting Over" addict. I love that show. When my mother-in-law came in July, she had to sit through watching it with me every day. She has since written that she's addicted now, too, and never misses a day.
One of the girls from the first season of the show, Andy Paige, was always dressed so pretty and her makeup was great. When I found out she used to be a plus sized model, I loved her even more. Well she now has her own website called www.centsofstyle.org and her motto is you can buy a terrific complete outfit for under $100 dollars, including accessories, if you just know where to look. Well now she's started this accessory bundle thing, where she puts together a purse with matching jewelry, etc. each month that you can order. I had to have the "To Russia With Love" one. Even if you're not into the accessories, she gives great tips for how to apply makeup.
Check it out. I'm so excited I found it. Can you tell?

Attention WalMart Shoppers

My husband and I went to WalMart today, just to get a couple of things. Why is that impossible? Has the management of WalMart put some subliminal messages into their roll-back prices signs? Or maybe on their commericals? I know that never, not once, have I ever went into WalMart and came out with just the one thing I went to get. I end up with it and a buggy (yes in the South we say buggy, not cart!) full of stuff I just thought I couldn't live without. And we NEVER take things back. Oh sure, we say something is not going to work and should be taken back "the next time we go over there." But because the "next time" was also an impulse and not planned, we never have the stuff we were going to take back with us.
Actually the thought of going into WalMart and only buying the one thing I went to get is a PAINFUL thought. WalMart somehow gave us all the idea that they have such low prices, this is the one place we can afford to splurge. (Oh my God, I've always wanted one of those food choppers they have displayed in the aisle...DVD's for $5.99? Oh God, Honey have you heard of any of these movies? No? Me neither...but hey, for $5.99, even if they suck......I need to buy...what was that I said the other day.....I needed it really bad....What was that???? Oh yeah, mascara I think......Here it is....Hm....look at all that eye shadow...I'm working now..I need more makeup selection....why not....I wonder where my husband wandered off to....I'll call him on my cell...Honey, where are you? In sporting goods? But you don't play sports...they had a good deal on what? It was originally how much? Hm....well get a couple. Someone in the family will be able to use them!) And on it goes...
The thing is, we never feel guilty about WalMart splurging. It's kind of fun to get home with so many bags and get to look at all the stuff you've bought. Even if you never use half of it.
And if you don't have a place to put any of it? Hey, WalMart has a great storage solutions department. Maybe some of those plastic bucket things...I'll have to remember I need those the next time I stop by WalMart.....

Ten Signs Of Office Burn-out

1. Your garbage can is your "in box".
2.) You answer the phone at your office, "Hell."
3) Someone asks how your day is going and you tell them to #$%* off.
4) You'd rather spend time with the copier than your co-workers.
5) Thinking of the upcoming weekend is how you get through Monday.
6) You are so stressed during the day you forget to take bathroom breaks.
7) You head out the door for a date and instinctively put on your badge.
8) Your can't remember what the world looks like outside your cubicle.
9) You tell your computer screen what idiots your co-workers are.
And the number ten sign of office burn-out.....
10) You keep thinking how nice it would be to go to jail so you could rest.

What'd you say?

The doctor's office called yesterday and said the MRI of my brain was negative. (Does that mean they didn't find a brain? ha!) They transferred my call over to the audiologist and her news was not as good. She said I have minor hearing loss in the left ear, and severe hearing loss in the right. She also said with the right ear, I have only 60% sound recognition, which means when I hear a sound, I can't figure out what it was. This mostly affects words. You may say bubble and I hear trouble. She wants me to get a hearing aid.
Now with all the ear surgery, and mess I've had, you'd think insurance would pay for this thing. But so far, all we've gotten is no. And we have good insurance. I think that's very unfair.
The good news is I've hung in there with my hair growing out, so it will hide my ear, so no one will notice it. I see the audiologist next week.
When the other aides at work found out yesterday about the one that got fired, they were all scared to death. They didn't complain about gas prices or stick around in the office long, like they usually do. They just headed out to see patients. I can understand their fear. When one of your own friends gets fired, you feel very vulnerable. My boss said if she fired me, she'd have to quit too, because she'd have too much work. Amen to that.
TGIF!