Hoochie Mama

I have this neighbor I used to walk with, years ago. She called me Friday at home and on my cell and left messages that she really needed to talk to me. So I called her. Well she said she's started selling Mary Kay and she's in this contest and she has to do some facials on people. She said would you let me do a facial on you? It won't take but a few minutes, she says. So I said, sure, how about Saturday. Well yesterday I forgot it, of course, and went to take a Saturday afternoon nap. When I woke up, my husband and son had been bombarded with calls from her. So I called her back and asked when she wanted to meet. She said to come on over. I asked if I should take off my makeup, and she said, "Well I wasn't going to do a facial today. I was going to do an interview, but if you want a facial, we can do that, too." I'm thinking....interview??? But I said I'd help her out, so I trudge over there. She's there, her "friend" from Mary Kay is there, and they both start on me about selling. I listened to their sales pitch and told them I'm not interested in selling Mary Kay. I came to get some lipstick. ha. "But what do you see yourself doing in five years???" I said, "Retiring and sitting on my butt." But would you not like to get your products at wholesale? "Nope. I'm willing to pay full price so I don't have to sell Mary Kay." Finally the "friend" huffed back to her car, and it's time for the facial. I try so many cleansers and toners and moisturizers I can't keep them straight. If I did like one, I'd never figure out which one it was. Then she says we'll do COLORRRRRR, like it's some top secret government project. Fifteen minutes later, I am handed a mirror. The lighting was very dim in her dining room, but I did figure out that if I ever am really strapped for money, I make a pretty decent looking whore, if you cake on enough make-up. I bought my lipstick, paid her, and came home. When I came in the back door, my husband died laughing. He added that in addition to being a pretty good lady of the evening, I'd also make a pretty decent clown. ha. We both giggled while I used a half a jar of cold cream getting the stuff off my face. But hey, at least I know if these idiots in my office get the best of me, I now have two other careers to fall back on.......