Twelve Things

I've been told when it comes to my blog posts, I'm either way up or way down. Today, I'm down, and I don't know what to write. So I'm going to write this entry in a list.

1.) I haven't seen my youngest son in months. He called night before last at 10 PM and said he was on his way to my house. He got here at 5 AM (or he said, as I was asleep). He slept until 8, then I heard his cell ringing. Ten minutes later, his dad pulls up, they load both their motorcycles on a trailer and head off to Florida for a vacation, towing the trailer. He did hug me before he left. He also left me a handful of his publicity photos. That's ok, since I'm his biggest fan. He's a big time DJ with a syndicated show, for those of you who don't know. To me, he's my baby that stays way too busy, and I miss him.

2.) Since Hillary is not going to be our Dem nominee, I am undecided how I will vote. I'm waiting to see who he chooses as a running mate, and who McCain picks.

3.) My husband says I'm down farther than he's seen me. My therapist says I'm down farther than she's seen me. They talked alone this week. My husband came out and told me I can hire a cleaning lady every two weeks, and he's been being very sweet to me. I don't know what she said but I hope she says it often.

4.) His mom is coming for three weeks. She will be here Wednesday. I'm on my second round of antibiotics for a UTI, feel like crap. So needless to say, her visit is not really exciting for me right now.

5.) God saw fit to give me mercy and the family reunion was canceled on it's scheduled date for rain, on its rain date for rain, and it didn't rain either day. So maybe I'm off the hook.

6.) I heard of a writing contest from one of my former editors. No entry fee, just prizes for the winners. She was entering it, and she's the best writer I know, so I thought I'd have not a shot in hell, but before I left for Seattle, I polished up one I had written some time ago and submitted it. They got tens of thousands of entries, I have been told, and mine is number 5 right now. I didn't know until I got an email that said, "We're sure you have realized you're one of the top contenders, so please take some time to submit an avatar." That was the first I had thought of it since early May when I submitted my story. So we'll see. But I do feel honored.

7.) I hate Rush Limbaugh.

8.) I put my white coverlet and seablue dust ruffle on my bed and hung new sheers on the windows. It feels like summer in there.

9.) My book club is reading The Memoirs of Cleopatra by Margaret George. I got it in the mail yesterday. It's ginormous. It makes Pillars of the Earth look skinny. It better be good.

10.) I have to get another cellphone. I can't read the screen on this one anymore, even with new glasses.

11.) My youngest son came in on his visit, looked at me and said, Geez, You've got hippie hair. (Huh?) Then he said I look like Lisa Loeb with my new glasses. I had no idea who Lisa Loeb was. I looked her up. She looks ok to me, so i guess it was a compliment, but the hippie hair I'm not too sure of.

12.) It's 9 AM. I've been up for an hour. I'm going back to bed.

A Day in the Life

Night before: Check calendar book in purse and feel relieved that I don't have to leave the house until Wednesday for a therapist appointment, so I have another day at home.
6:45, Wake up, Go look. Husband has already left for work. Both dogs are up, which means he gave them their morning medicine. I grab a Coke Zero and head for the recliner in my nightgown. I sit in a daze, sipping, waiting for my caffeine to kick in.
7:00 Flip on tv, for the noise. Browse once again to see that there is nothing on I want to see. Check email. Usually forty something emails that mean nothing. Some book club chat, some classified message board posts that I subscribe to and never buy from. If I'm lucky, there's a comment from my blog or an actual real email from someone I know.
8:30 After wasting an hour and a half cruising the internet mindlessly, I get up to take my own medicine and get another Coke Zero. If I have low carb popsicles in the freezer, I'll have one for breakfast. If not, I'll skip it. Take medicine. Put on something comfortable. Play with dogs, one who is jumping and licking my face, one who is sitting totally frozen allowing me to stroke his back gently before slinking back into his bed under the coffee table.
10:00 Watch the View. Listen to the Hot Topics part, turn it off during the movie star interviews.
10:45 Realize I really should eat something, since I took medicine on an empty stomach. Go look in frig. Nothing in there I want. Grab an handful of almonds and go back to get another Coke Zero.
11:00 Look at house and think of the cleaning I need to do. Then I think of how I did all the laundry on Friday, so I am not a completely lazy bum, and maybe the dust can wait another day. Look at the counter in my husband's bathroom and how much it needs cleaning. Cuss because it's too covered with his junk. Realize it would take me thirty minutes to clean it off in order to get to the actually cleaning part. Think of putting it all in a garbage bag for emphasis. Decide to just forget it. Go back to recliner.
12:00 All My Children- Highlight of my day now.
1:00 Starting to feel very sleepy, since doc has me back on allergy medicine. Decide a nap is a great idea. Go back to bed. Sleep until 3:30 or so.
3:30 Stare into freezer and refrigerator for possible things to cook for dinner. Everything I think of sounds like too much work. I should cook. Decide I'll sit down and think it over. Have the "I should cook, but I don't want to" argument with myself. Get another Coke Zero.
4:00 Call husband at work. Tell him to bring home supper. I don't care what. I'm not hungry anyway. Whatever you want is fine (as long as I don't have to cook it.)
4:30 Play with dogs. Flip on tv, nothing on. Check email. Same story as this morning.
Pick up book. Read until husband comes home. Get another Coke Zero.
5:45 Get up, spend fifteen minutes tidying living room and kitchen. Hang up clothes in bedroom.
6:00 Husband comes home. Eat whatever he brought. Realize I'm reallllly hungry. Have dinner with another Coke Zero.
6:30 He flips through the channels, looks at what is due to be Tivo'd tonight, nothing I want to watch. So he watches the History channel or Star-something (Battlestar, Star Trek, Stargate, as long as there's a star name in it.) I read and pet dogs and sometimes blog.
10:00 He starts falling asleep on couch. I get up and take Ambien with another Coke Zero.
10:30 I let the dogs out, bring them back in, tuck them into their beds, and wake him up to go to bed. Then I check calendar to make sure I don't have anywhere to go the next day. If I do, and it's optional, I think of an excuse to cancel. If it's the therapist, I show up.
If I'm lucky, the phone won't ring all day. If I'm lucky and the phone does ring, it will be one of my kids or my husband, or my friend, Dawn.
11:00 Before I go to sleep, I decide tomorrow I will eat better, clean the house, and stay out of the recliner.
Next day, same thing. And I'm content with this life. So..there ya go.

New Little Peanut

I saw the therapist twice last week. I see her once this week, with my husband going along. She wants his opinion on how things are going. I guess she doesn't believe me when I say "fine" anymore.
I have been feeling the empty nest so much lately. My son moved to Seattle, my daughter moved an hour farther away and my little doggie died at about the same time. Our other little dog, Boo, has been missing his pal and looks for him around the house. I decided I needed a new baby, some baby that also needed me.

I called a lady that owns a local rescue shelter. She had a Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix that she had gotten from a shelter in South Alabama on his "last day." He came to the shelter with a huge purple bruise on his neck, underweight, and infested with fleas. She got him shaved down, got rid of the fleas, got him on a good dry dog food, and found out he has low thyroid and needed thyroid meds. His main problem was fear. He was desperately afraid of everything and everyone. I went to get him on Thursday, took him to our vet and got him registered there. We've been giving him his thyroid medicine, and a lot of petting. He will not come to us, but if we gently pick him up, he will sit in my lap and let me pet him for a long time, but he never relaxes, lays down or puts his head down on me. He spends most of his day in his bed.

My daughter and son-in-law came by with the baby Saturday, and this little pup, Peanut, seemed to take more interest in being out and walking around while they were here. He is eating tons of dog food, and hopefully is gaining weight. He will be beautiful when his hair grows back. I could kill whoever abused this little guy. He weighs 5.2 lbs, but should be closer to 6.5-7 when he gets up to normal weight.
I ordered both of the dogs a little vest so that I can walk them without any pain to the neck area. I saw it on QVC and it's really cute. Be sure to watch the video.

My daughter was trying to figure out a way to take the baby and go with me to Seattle in October, but figuring out working her flight schedule around her brother's work schedule and car seats, etc. got her discouraged. Also, I told her I couldn't take him to work and drive his truck to pick her up. Seattle traffic is unreal. He had a wreck just driving on the interstate his first month there. It seems like all airlines and cab companies should provide infant seats when needed. Anyway, I really wish she could have come with me.

They took the baby out in the boat this weekend. She's so cute, with five teeth now!

My step-daughter mentioned a month or so ago, that she'd like to get together with her dad for Father's Day. She asked what we would like to do. We offered to pick them up and go to a movie and lunch. Then the night before, she canceled with some vague excuse about errands to run that they had been "procrastinating" about. He was so hurt, he got choked up talking about it. Then he got angry. I just felt so sorry for him. He said he had no family except for my kids, me, and his mom. And he's such a good man to all of us. I sent a card and called my dad. He sent a card and called his, even though his dad walked out on him and his mom when he was little. I suggested we go to eat and go to a movie anyway, so we did. We saw The Happening. It was "Eh, so-so."

My Granddaughter's First Birthday Cake

Break a Leg?

My worst nightmare is having a social situation coming up I know I have to attend. My granddaughter just had her first birthday. My daughter had a big birthday party with a lot of my son-in-law's family, her friends, her father and his new wife, and my husband and me. So right away I have two reasons to freak- 1) being around a large group of people I don't know well and 2) sitting for hours with my ex and his wife.
So my two choices that I saw were 1) be the wicked witch of all grandmothers and not go to my granddaughter's birthday, or 2) take two Valium, leave my house, and attend.

The party was yesterday, Saturday, and my angst had been building all week. I'm just seeing the therapist every two weeks now, and this was not her week. Friday morning I woke up, after having terrible nightmares, and I was walking the floors freaking. I called to see if I could get in with the therapist only to find out they are closed on Fridays (the one time I've ever called because I actually needed to talk to her, and they are closed!) so then I freaked even more. I called my friend, Dawn, and she said she was having a bad day, too, so let's go to lunch. We did and she talked me down to something near sane.

Of course, no matter how stupid this sounds, I wanted to look good because my stupid ex was going to be there. No matter how long you've been divorced and how much you hate the SOB, you want him to still see what he let get away because he's such an a-hole. I did my hair, bought a new outfit, did my makeup, and off we went.

My friend, Dawn, called me on the way to say she was praying for me. I told her thanks, I needed all the help I could get, prayers were welcomed and I also had an Ativan in my purse as a backup plan B.

Well, we were the first to arrive, so we were able to secure a place of comfort on the couch as the others wandered in. I had no idea the ex and his wife had arrived until I walked right up on them when I went to see my granddaughter in her high chair. I hadn't gotten a close up view of his new wife in, well, never I guess. I'm fat, but she's fatter. My ex had gotten very, very fat with a solid grey beard, so I felt a great sigh of relief and more appreciation of my husband. But then a strange thing happened.

My ex and his wife took their place on a couch off to the side, and it's obvious they know NO ONE AT ALL. They barely know their son-in-law, don't know any of his family, any of their daughter's friends, and very little about their daughter. They looked pitiful sitting there, and I felt sorry for them. So, I went over and sat down and started talking to them. They looked surprised but immediately looked relieved that someone they knew (whether or not they liked me was irrelevant) was talking to them.

We talked about the kids, the grandbaby, our parents, the weather, vacations, and anything else we could think of. I even got up and got them drinks. Then after holding the grandbaby for awhile, I took her over and asked if they would like to hold her. His wife took her and they both ooohed and awwwwed over her.

My husband sat by me on the couch for moral support. I got through it. I came home, and I immediately fell asleep at 6:30 on the couch. I slept until bedtime and my husband woke me up to go to bed. As he covered me up, he said, "His wife looks so much older than you do." I smiled. Then I slept until 9 AM, which I never do. It wiped me out because it was such an emotional drain, but I did it, and I was very proud of myself for accomplishing it.

My friend, Dawn, said the dreading it is always worse than the actual thing you dread. I don't know if that was true in this case. She also said she had thought that if I had broken a leg, that I would have had a third option on attending, but she didn't want to mention that to me, for fear I'd find a way. I told her I had already seriously considered that option, since the "I'm sick" had been way overused in the past.

Next weekend is my father's family reunion. I don't know that I will go to that. I feel it's a little more optional than this event was. I wouldn't have to have a broken leg to skip it.