The Forbidden Subject

In our home, hubby is pretty sure he will be able to retire May 31. Which means he is sooooo close, but so far away, like that last semester of school, remember? And the days seem to crawl by. And right now, he absolutely despises his job. Hates it. And every day said job seems to heap on him even more reasons to hate it, usually in the afternoon, at close to time for him to go home. So to say he comes home grumpy would be an understatement of epic proportions.

And when he gets home, he gets his dinner plate and sits down in the recliner to watch...::::::drumroll:::::the NEWS. Of which he always has an opinion, and those opinions become rants when he's grouchy. And not one of his opinions is the same as mine. You see, he and his mom are of a different political party. They are hard line Republicans. (Here I am,an Alabama native,and I'm the liberal in the house, go figure.)

Meanwhile, here I am in this place of my life. I have simplified my life to the point where it is very manageable to me. Most days are calm and peaceful. I read. I may write a little. I watch my soap. I look at cooking videos on YT. I cook dinner. I manage anxiety without needing meds.

So in comes my Tasmanian Devil from work. And we are watching the news. And he voted for Donnie. And he will not admit that he has any regrets over it. What he does say is that all media is unfair to poor Donnie, and anything said against him is a lie.

I gave up trying to change his mind. He has not given up on changing mine. And I decided long ago, that I refuse to waste my breath arguing with anyone over anything. I will state my opinion, but arguments, no. No way. Hell no.

So when the news comes on, and the ranting begins, and goes on and on and on. I keep my mouth shut a long time. A LONG time. I really do. But sooner or later, I reach my limit, and say, "Well...I disagree. I feel....(insert comment of the day)" And I wave the red cape at the bull.

He immediately wants to argue. And that's fine. But it takes two. And I won't argue. Which makes things worse. He goes on and on, and then I say, "Well, like I said, I disagree." If it goes on and on long enough, I have said, "You are not going to change my opinion. I am through discussing this." That makes him furious. I think what he really needs is to vent because his day was so crappy. And I love him and want that for him. That's why I let him go on so long. But I have my limit on how much my peaceful life can be disrupted. I have given up my voice so much of my life.

Now where is his mom in all this? Well, sometimes they gang up on me. That's just the truth. But not too long ago, I stood up, teared up, and said I felt ganged up on. I walked out of the room. They both looked like deer in the headlights. They had hurt my feelings, and I don't think either of them had considered that they were hurting me.

Now his mom will sometimes try to calm things. Like last night's discussion was over whether confederate statues should be taken down. I was yes. I was adamant. He was of the opinion that it's history. If you keep removing history every time someone is offended, etc etc. His mom said perhaps the difference in opinion here is where you are from. She reminded him that my having grown up here, I've seen more and lived more of the bigotry and hate and have a different perspective because of it. That defused things. Sometimes she is helpful.

I know marriages are not easy. The older people get the more they get set in their ways. That is true. And I love him and respect him. I love and respect me, too. Took a long time to get there. And neither of us is going anywhere.

My retirement goal is to keep my life peaceful. If that means living in another room during news, so be it. We have another tv. 😜👍

Saturday Stuff

We went to breakfast at Waffle House and then took the dog to the vet for his heartworm shot. It is raining hard here this morning, but we needed the rain.
After seeing my therapist R for 3 years, she decided to open her own clinic as a ministry at her church. Her father was a pastor, but she was never preachy with me. When I was seeing her all those years, it was at a Christian counseling group, which was fine with me, as I consider myself a Christian, just not one of "those Christians." The first time I saw her she asked if we could pray together at the end of our sessions and I said no. After that, there was never any religious pressure.
Anyway, like I said, she decided to move her practice to her church and I made one trip out there to see her. I was not comfortable with that at all!!! For one thing, it was 15 miles from my house. I had to check in through the church office. Plus, it was a super busy place and loud.
So, I changed to another therapist, D, at the office I'd been going to. She's close to my age. She has dogs. I like her. So there have been three therapists in my life.
The first one walked me through major MAJOR codependency issues. We tackled all kinds of issues from my life but not the BIG thing, as I had decided if I never gave a voice to the BIG thing, it would not affect me. (It was affecting me BIG TIME.).
Therapist number 2 found out and tiptoed slowly into the rape discussion. She began by handing me a textbook with a PTSD diagnosis and having me read it to myself and "just consider it." We went from there. I came to realize how my life had gone from a pretty fearless life as a business owner with a social life before the rape, to a fearful of everything isolated hermit after. And we dealt with telling my family. (They were great.).
Therapist 3 is helping me combat the physical reactions to getting out by myself and claim my independence back. So it has been a process and each therapist has been exactly what I needed at the time. "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." I can actually see a not too distant future where I won't need therapy anymore.
My husband is retiring this summer, and the other big news of the day is his letter arrived that he needed to submit his retirement package. He's been waiting on it for months but the government is slow about everything.

Beginning Again

I mentioned to Amy the other day that I miss blogging, and so I decided to start again.
I just got back from a 3 week visit to Seattle to see my middle son. We had a really nice time. The day I got there, the cherry tree outside his balcony was in full bloom. I even got a few pictures of it. It was a good thing, too, as the next day a big wind storm blew every blossom off of it.
I had some great seafood, got to take Uber rides (how cool!) and saw some good movies. I even took a tour of FB where he works.
While I was there, my youngest son and his wife had their first baby, a little boy, and my third grandchild. I haven't gotten to hold him yet, but his other grandmother is still there with them. He is doing well, had a few feeding problems at first but was able to turn that around with help from the lactation consultant.
If you're looking for a good book, I just finished "The Orphan's Tale," and it was really good. I loaned it to my mother-in-law and she liked it, too. It's set during World War 2 and is about two women who are trapeze artists in the circus.
My daughter is doing well, too. She starts a new job in May at a local community college. She is keeping her work from home job but will only be doing it a few hours a week. Grandson B is six years old and in kindergarten. He has his first loose tooth. My granddaughter, C, is 9 and in fourth grade. She is taking piano, has been for awhile, and has her second recital next month.
I was taking piano but gave it up. I seemed to hit a spot where everything seemed above what I could do. I got frustrated and gave up. We bought a piano, so I need to take it back up at some point, maybe with a different teacher. I loved the teacher I had but she had three pre-schoolers, including a baby who liked to bang on one end of the piano while I was having my lessons.
My sister and her husband just split up after over 45 yrs of marriage. He's had a gf for the last 5 yrs, and my sis put up with all his promises and lies a lot longer than I would have. It's all final now and she is trying to move on by herself. If you have followed my blog in the past, you know that she didn't speak to me for over 15 years. After our mom and dad died, she started talking again. We get along fine now. Talk once a week or so, go out to lunch every few months. (I hate talking on the phone!)
I hate every day that Trump is in the White House. Living with two Republicans doesn't make it any better. However, our Governor resigning in disgrace, and Bill O'Reilly getting fired has made April a little better.