December Out of Town

Even though i have been fighting depression a long time, and have had many frightening times when the thought of how much of a relief death would be, nothing scares me more than when you find out your child is depressed. I used to blame myself. Of course he got this from me, since I'm the obvious nutjob in the family, right? But since I began to speak out more openly about it, others in the family have begun to come forward on both sides of my childrens family to say they have fought this dragon too, so i dont feel quite as much that some odd gene in me caused a curse on my child. I have one son who has depression, and he has been on meds and under control for many years, but they stopped working, and I'vee been in a battle with the doctor to get him an appt sooner than January. He saw the doctor today, and we now have hope through new meds. I am staying with him right now, as he called me last week and said he didnt think he should be alone. He didnt have to esplain that to me as i knew exactly what he meant. So i am here until i am convinced he is ok. My sis sent me two texts checking on him and i replied and added i love you, sis at the end. She does not reply to that part. But you know, i feel great saying it regardless. Im tired of pretending i dont care about people who hurt me. I do care or it would not hurt. Well, i seem to be sleeping a lot. My son has gone back to work, so i am going to get. Much needed nap.