Put the Christmas Tree in the Dumpster

Christmas is over. Thank God! I know that's not how we are suppose to feel at Christmas, but for a person who thinks I'm responsible for everyone having a good time, it's all just too much.
My son is here visiting, and still hasn't found a job, so he's understandable depressed--which makes him grouchy and irritable, which he takes out on everyone. He has informed me that my mother-in-law and husband both get on his last nerve, and that he never gets to spend any alone time with me because they are always around. He said he realizes if he stays living in another state, and always comes home at Christmas, this is how he will be, since she comes every year at summer and Christmas. I am driving him myself to the airport today. We are going to stop and have breakfast somewhere and just enjoy a tiny bit of talking alone.
The problem with the MIL is she has an opinion on everything, and knows everything and wants you to know that she does. Example, I was making a french toast casserole with blueberry/maple syrup topping for Christmas morning and she stood over me reading the recipe and saying, "I don't like nutmeg..Leave that out." etc. etc.
I guess I should count my blessings that she doesn't live around here. I just find it aggravating that she has never been invited to my house to spend six weeks of every year up my butt but she persists in doing it anyway. (Sorry. I'm mad.)
On a lighter note, I loved seeing my granddaughter enjoying her Christmas this year. At eighteen months, she's just now old enough to get excited over it all, and she did.
I loved seeing all three of my kids together. It's the only time of the year when they get to see each other.
Ok, enough light, back to the griping. My husband's pack-rat-ishness is a big peeve of mine. He insisted that I made a huge mistake by throwing away two rolls of wrapping paper (that each had maybe a foot of paper on them)away, and dug them out of the trash to put into our overflowing attic that is so full now we can't find anything in it. The thoughts I had should make me ashamed but they had something to do with living long enough to be a widow and being able to throw all this junk away.
Yes, I know that's bad, but now that my blog is private, I am going to tell the truth, no matter how ugly, so hang on! I do love my husband. I also loved living by myself. If I could have him living across the street, that would be perfect.
I got a new laptop. My youngest son wanted to try it out. As soon as he left, I turned it on and got Trojan Virus warnings. My other son spent all day trying to get all the bits of it off. He got rid of the virus with virus scan software but I still had some kind of worm on there (that's what he called it) that made webpages keep opening on top of the one I am looking at.
Well MIL is getting out of the shower so I better post this before she asks to read it. ha.
Hope you all had a great Christmas. I'll do a separate post on NY resolutions.

Please Go HOME

My mother-in-law has been here since December 19th. She is not leaving until January 7th. Need I say more?

Cutie's Christmas Pic

Our year has almost come to an end. My son from Seattle is here visiting. My mother-in-law also arrived and will be here a few weeks. I've been doing a lot of cooking with the deal that my husband will do the dishes, but he seems to be falling behind. In other words, I can't see the sink. ha. I will end up doing them this afternoon and then suggesting we eat out for a couple of meals until he figures out he only gets cooking if he holds up his end of the deal.
This has been a good year, even though we've had some bad things happen. I was in the hospital and my son lost his job, but hopefully both of those things will lead to positive changes. I am looking forward to the New Year and new beginnings. New chances to do things better.
My granddaughter is getting so big! She recently had her eighteenth month pictures taken so I couldn't resist putting one on here. And my daughter says if all goes well, I may have two grandchildren next Christmas. :-)
The lady next door has been out looking for her Yorkie. He's seven months old and got out of the back yard when he was taking a potty run this morning. I walked around the town homes a bit but didn't see him. It's so cold out here today, and I hope he's ok.
I got a new laptop. It's the Dell Inspiron Mini 9, really cute and only two pounds. Fits in my purse. It's my early Santa gift.

Blog Going Private

I've decided to make my blog private at the first of the year. I've had several years of not having to worry about it being located by people I'd rather not read it, but there's always that nagging doubt. I've decided to make it readable only to famiy, friends, and other faithful readers. If you would like to be able to continue to read it, just email me at decaturauthor@aol.com, telling me who you are and a bit about why you want to continue to read (unless I know you).
As my extended family continues to discover the internet, and I choose to rag on my husband's boss's wife at times, I figured this might be safer.

No More Shoes!

I went to see my therapist today (first time since September). This is the lady I've been seeing off and on for years, and she works in the office with my psychiatrist. Since the whole mania thing came up, I've been worried about it, so I decided to go see her and talk about it. After a long relentless discussion with her asking me a billion questions, she says no, I'm not manic. At least she doesn't think so. (The doctor will have to confirm that in January.)

She reminded me of the big breakthrough of confronting my mom on the phone when I was in the hospital, and finally telling her how I feel about things. Since then I've felt very peaceful. It's like regardless of what happens with my mom and sister, I feel good about things now. I spoke my peace. I apologized for my part. I told my mom I needed to have her tell me she loves me (and she does now every time we talk.) I overcame a huge hurdle.

The therapist feels that is the reason my depression is gone. She thinks that's the reason that I feel more confident. And she said she's seen in her practice that as low as your issues seem to hold you captive, that's the distance you usually swing the other way once you've dealt with them.

I told her I was afraid the depression would come back, but she doesn't think so. She said to continue being active, getting out socially, exercising, and eating healthy, and my new habits should keep me healthy.

I can't tell you how much better I felt just talking to her. It's hard to enjoy feeling good when you are always worried that the other shoe is going to drop.

Frankly My Dear......

Yesterday, we went to a luncheon for a lady at my husband's office who is retiring. It was at a local restaurant. They had set up ten or so round tables, and three long tables put together along one wall to be the head table. They informed us since my husband is a team supervisor we had to sit at the head table. Fine.

I went down to the end and sat next to the last seat. My husband took the last seat. Then my husband's boss and his wife came in and she sat next to me. Since we've been married, he's had a couple of bosses, with people transferring and moving through the ranks, so I don't know this lady very well. But of course, I wanted to be friendly.

So we started talking about the holidays, family, etc. It's very noisy in there, so we had to raise our voices above the din, BUT, this lady was yelling in my ear. Not only that, but she thought she was hilarious, and laughed raucously every time she said something. She also had a mouth any sailor would be proud of and threw in LOTS of words my Daddy would wash my mouth out for saying.

I ran out of things to say to her pretty quickly, and had no idea how to respond to her colorful language, but thankfully she didn't seem to notice and was able to carry on the conversation all by herself.

Later, I commented to my husband in the car that she was loud and cussed a lot. He said, "Yeah, she's not a very dainty, ladylike person." Listen, there is dainty and ladylike, and then there is just pure old common MANNERS. I admit (and this may rile some of you) but the Scarlet in me did have the thought of "Damn Yankees." Now that's an expletive my daddy would approve of.

So here's your thought for the day from Rita Rudner: "I don't cook. I don't understand baking. Like you mix flour and water together and you get glue. Then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake. Where does the glue go?"

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

Ok, so I admit everything tastes great to me right now, but of all the baking I've been doing, these are the best freaking cookies I've ever had in my life. I used golden raisins, but otherwise followed the recipes exactly. I baked them exactly thirteen minutes, and even though they still looked awfully soft, after cooling on a wire rack they were perfect. I took some last night to the clubhouse, and everyone that bit into one said, "Oh my God, these are GOOD." I got the recipe on Zaar. Enjoy.

Makes 36 cookies
Whisk together and set aside
* 2 cups all purpose flour
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon baking powder
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
Cream wet ingredients
* 1 cup unsalted butter, softened
* 1 cup sugar
* 1 cup dark brown sugar
* 2 large eggs
* 2 teaspoons vanilla
Then stir in
* 3 cups oats (not instant)
* 1 1/2 cups raisins
Directions
Preheat oven to 350°.
Whisk dry ingredients; set aside.
Combine wet ingredients with a hand mixer on low.
To cream, increase speed to high and beat until fluffy and the color lightens.
Stir the flour mixture into the creamed mixture until no flour is visible.
(Over mixing develops the gluten, making a tough cookie.) Now add the oats and raisins; stir to incorporate.
Fill cookie scoop with dough.
(Use a #40 cookie scoop; it measures 2 tablespoon of dough) Press against side of bowl, pulling up to level dough.) (Note: I don’t have a cookie scoop but used an ice cream scoop and it worked fine.)
Drop 2-inches apart onto baking sheet sprayed with nonstick spray.
Bake 11-13 minutes (on center rack), until golden, but still moist beneath cracks on top.
Remove from oven; let cookies sit on baking sheet for 2 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool.

Please Let This Be What Normal Feels Like

My husband was off Friday so it was a long weekend for us. We did a bit of Christmas and grocery shopping. He also helped me to complete some secret shops. Today we went to the Christmas choir program at the church.

Tomorrow night we have cards at the clubhouse; Tuesday I have cards at the senior center; Wednesday, I'm going with him to a luncheon for a lady in his office that is retiring; Thursday, he is going with me to the Senior Ctr for their Christmas party. Thursday night is the party at the clubhouse for our Sunday School classes (We've only been there once but they invited us and since it's here at the clubhouse with many of our card playing buddies, I thought we'd go). Friday morning is card playing at the clubhouse again. Normally (although I'm not sure what is normal for me anymore) having something to do every day would be absolutely exhausting for me to think about and render me totally frozen in doing anything at all. Now, though, I look forward to these things. I look forward to Christmas even.

So my husband and I were talking today, and he commented how well I am doing off my anti-depressants. I said, "Yeah, and I feel so good. I have energy. I look forward to getting out around people, shopping, decorating for the holidays. This week I'm going to do some holiday baking. My only problem is I have no desire to go to sleep without my Ambien, and I really hoped I could quit them by now. Also, I feel like I'm always hungry and never full." The minute it left my mouth, it hit me what I had just said, and he immediately said, "Sounds like you're manic." Then I remembered all the times my doctor had asked me that checklist of things that included most of what I recited to my husband. So it could be mania, or at least hypomania, which is a lesser degree. I don't know. I only know that for the last two months, I've felt FANTASTIC.

If it is mania, that would mean I have some version of bi-polar, with the highs and lows. I don't know. I hope not. All I know is I hope whatever this is, it lasts a long time. And I hope I don't have to go on any medication. I see my shrink again in January. I only have to go every three to four months now. I just want very badly for this to be my new normal. I'm really enjoying my life right now. I'm not going to mention any of this to him when I go. I will answer his questions truthfully, but hopefully, he will just think I'm doing great.

Trivial Pursuit

Today is cleaning lady day, which means I spend the morning straightening up everything and then spend the afternoon watching for her to get here. It gets later each time. Who knew having a cleaning lady could be so stressful. I'd like her to be through when my husband gets home, so when she gets here, I have to leave. If I stay, because we used to work together and she thinks I'm a good listener, she talks instead of cleaning. I like talking with her, but hate seeing the clock tick closer and closer to my husband getting off work and no housecleaning getting finished. It's like hairdressers. I never liked the ones who talked. I like the ones who are fast, who throw you in the chair, cut like crazy, are a wizard with the blow dryer and WA-LA! You're done. Pay. Out the door.

I played cards at the senior center yesterday. It was fun. We looked like a large convention of Christmas sweaters. I know Christmas sweaters are suppose to be ugly by fashion standards. (Even Ebay has whole groups of ads on UGLY Christmas sweaters) but I think a giant Santa across your chest is much more fashionable than a plaid shirt tail hanging out under a t-shirt. Tim Gunn may disagree, but if he joined our card players, we'd have him in a Christmas sweater before you know it.

Still no job for the son in Seattle. Keep praying. I want to say pray he gets one in Alabama, or at least Nashville, but he'd like to get one there. Right now, he'd just like to get a job period.

Gas here is down to $1.63. That's unreal. I hope it holds through the holidays.

My son-in-law is going to put me up a tile backsplash when they come for Christmas. I am so excited to have something besides painted sheetrock between my cabinets. I've wiped splatters until there's not a lot of paint left. I got tile in my guest bathroom a couple of years ago, and I love it. I know I will really enjoy having this backsplash too. Someday I'm going to rip out this living room carpet and put down either new carpet or new hardwood or laminate. Reading about Cathy's made me want it even more. It sure makes a room look clean.

I feel bad as I post this, talking about such trivial things on my blog when so many people are facing such hard things this Christmas, but my life right now is about trivial things, and that is a blessing in itself. I think it's only when things calm down in our own lives that we take the time to look around and see the problems others are facing, and we feel for them. Especially at Christmas.

Yes, we went to church Sunday. My husband actually liked the sermon. I wish I could say I did, but I actually did too much daydreaming to be able to comment. I'll try to do better next time.