I have a hard time crying. It's something that embarrasses me so much that I hide, choke it back, feel like an idiot. When I was growing up, my mom ridiculed us for crying. She had the attitude that if you can fix it, then fix it, if not, don't worry about it. So as a result I would hold back tears until I was about to explode and then have the "ugly cry", and she would make fun of me. Never once do I ever remember being held while I cried until my husband did that for me. The only two times he's ever seen me cry were when my son was facing life-threatening surgery and the time I found out I had to give a legal deposition. Both times I feel apart, and he held me and let me cry. I think he is good at this, from going through grief losing his first wife, and the grief support group where he learned to let his feelings out.
I wish I could do that more easily. I'm working on that.
The one big regret I have is I think I've passed on to my children the fear of crying. So now it's hard for them to show their true feelings. I used to think it made my mother so strong not to cry. I don't see it as strength anymore. True strength is feeling all the human emotions and letting the tears God gave to us flow when needed. It's very true that there is a "good cry" one that makes you feel so much better afterwards. I wish I had more of those.
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