I saw the counselor today and had a few "ah-ha" moments, so thought I would blog about them. I discussed the cruise with her and how I really enjoyed all of it except dinner each night, because the women at our table were so loud and "in your face" and I felt very uncomfortable most of the time. Also, they asked very personal questions, got in my face to talk, and had too much to drink. I told her I dreaded dinner each evening, and felt uncomfortable with them, but other than that, the cruise was great. She asked what I would have done had my son told me he dreaded dinner because of the other people at our table, that he felt very uncomfortable, and that he wasn't enjoying that part of the cruise. I said I would have asked for us to be moved to another table. She said, "But you wouldn't do that for yourself. You would take care of him, but not YOU." I told her I was afraid that moving would hurt other people's feelings. She said, "So you take care of THEM, who you don't know and are not responsible for, but not YOU." I said there and thought, "Duh! She's right."
She suggested I journal every day and one of the things I should write about is situations where I felt very uncomfortable, or where someone put me down, or invaded my space, or violated boundaries, and then write what I thought I should have said, or would have if I had thought of it and had no fear. I guess she believes I need some safe practice in being more assertive.
I left there today feeling like I got my money's worth, for sure.
Now, I'm dreading going to work tomorrow at my volunteer job, to collect my plant, and tell them I don't want to do that anymore. Yes, I worry what they will think, what they will say.
I also decided that I needed to clean my own house for awhile, so that I can really get some things cleaned out as I go, and instead of calling the cleaning lady and telling her, I took the chicken way out and wrote her a freaking email! Can you believe what a WIMP I am? It's embarrassing considering my AGE. Geez.
But hey, at least I am starting to realize what I'm doing.
4 comments:
Chin-up!
Don't feel bad about telling your cleaning lady that you want to clean your own damn house!
When my son died, I had a choice to make. Either die too, or buck-up (don't I sound all badass?). Bucking-up wasn't always easy, I had and still have my moments. His death completely changed my whole outlook on life.
I know that was an extreme and hazy metaphor, but the bottom line is 'it is your life'. What do you want to do with it today?
I'm so sorry about your son. I can't imagine going through that, but I know a person would never be the same after something like that.
Yep, it's my life, and what I want and what I seem to be able to do are two different things right now. It sucks to be me sometimes. I guess everyone feels that way. I know I'm a wuss. I want to have one day when I'm not afraid to be a royal bitch.
"I want to have one day when I'm not afraid to be a royal bitch."---that's funny (and for some reason, everything seems 'funny' to me today). You don't have to be a bitch to be assertive, but I know what you mean.
When I was pregant with Steve-O, I was that royal bitch. Man, if someone honked at me, I was flipping them off.....arm out the window, finger held high, I laugh about it now.
Send your cleaning lady to MY house!
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