Friends and Hibernating Bears

I was never a person who had a lot of friends, usually only one good one, and when you are growing up and in a world where it's just parents and friends your age, and it is sort of an "us or them" mentality when it comes to parents, friends are really necessary. Then as my life progressed, and I married really young, had kids, and stayed home for years with no car, meeting people to make friends with was difficult and I learned to do fine by myself.
Throughout my life, I met people I worked with and would get to be friends, but there always seemed to be a point at which they felt it was ok to call or come by at will, and I would go through my "hiberation times" when that would feel so intrusive. So then I would gently discourage the friendship and eventually they would give up on me and go away.
I have had one friend who stuck it out through all that, even my "black out" periods. We met when my oldest child was four (she's now twenty-seven). So at that time we had a lot in common. Now she has a very large family, I don't. She's pretty religious, I'm not. She's been married to one jerk for over twenty-five years. I've been married to a bunch of jerks but none for that long. (The one I have now is definitely NOT a jerk.) So she and I don't have an awful lot of our current life in common, but what we do have is a total understanding of how each other is. And we tell each other the truth. Even when its hard to hear.
When I was going through a very self-destructive period in my life, I'd have days when I'd feel so much shame for being a lousy mother or lousy sister, or just lousy everything. She told me once that the person I was being lousy to was ME. That I was disrespecting myself. That was hard to hear. At the time I didn't really care if I disrespected myself or not. She encouraged me to get into counseling and encouraged me to go. She listened when I failed over and over to progress to something with a semblance of normal. She stuck by me.
Now I'm at a good place. I have a great husband who loves me. I have great kids. I'm a stay at home person now, no job outside the home. I'm able to pursue hobbies, and read books, and have alone time. And I miss my friend. So we're trying now to reconnect.
We had an hour long conversation yesterday and she's been having a really hard time. I just hope she can hang in there with me. I haven't had a really down time in quite awhile. I like being home, isolating to a certain degree, but I'm finally enjoying some things that get me out of the house and I enjoy talking to her on the phone or visiting, which is a huge step for me.
I know I have to be a friend as well as have a friend. It's just hard to do.