When I Grow Up I Want to Be....

I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was back at work, at the office job where I used to work until last July. I had heard my boss was hiring these two employees, and I had gone into his office to talk to him about policy changes. I told him I thought, as office manager, that we needed to have them submit all work by me before turning in reports, so that I could look them over. He said, "Don't you mean have Pam look them over?" I said, "No. I meant me." He said, "You don't mean you." Then it was like I remembered all at once that here I am sitting in his office, telling him how things need to be done, when I don't work there anymore. I had forgotten that I quit working there. I felt totally humiliated. Then I woke up.
I realized this dream upset me more than the ordinary, "Oh, that's weird. ha ha. Forget it." kind of dream. So I sat down and thought about it. (I have way too much time on my hands now.) I realize that I am lucky to have been able to quit my job. I used to love it a lot before my boss brought in his wife as another supervisor. She's a heifer. (You women from the South know what that means.) Then she was so domineering and overbearing and LOUD that she made me crazy just to be around her. So after the first time (or second or third) time I cried away my lunch break in my car, my husband said to tell her to shove it and go home. So I did. Well I did it in a nice way, since I may want a reference on it later. And I don't regret not having to work with her. And I don't really miss the people I used to work around. Not really. Not like I thought I would. I guess what I miss is feeling like what I am doing contributes to SOMETHING. Feeling like I'm valuable in some way. When I quit, I couldn't wait to have some time for me. To do what I wanted. To read, to take classes that interested me. To journal. To do whatever my little heart desired. And I do enjoy all of that. I really do. I don't really want to go back to work. I'm not sure what I want. I guess that's the main problem. I don't seem to be happy with anything for very long. I have very few constants in my life that really make me happy. My husband, my kids. So I guess that's why the dream upset me. But I still have the feeling that there's some "Ah-HA!" thing I'm just not understanding here........
I think that's why I seem to get on so many tangents. And why I don't seem to stick with anything for very long. I would write some brilliant ending for this blog entry, but I seem fresh out of brilliance today.
I'll just close it and go to Curves and do my workout.