Journaling on Paper

So all the self-help junkies say journaling will help you "get in touch with your feelings." And deep down I LOVE the idea of a place to record all my thoughts in some gorgeous leatherbound book that will be found a hundred years after my death and become a bestseller. But the thought of someone in THIS time period finding that sucker, people who actually know me, who I actually have to LIVE around, drives me nuts.
Also, am I the only one who has the problem of buying the luxurious leatherbound thing and sitting there staring at page one all blank and pretty and thinking, "I don't have a frigging thing to put on page one that's worth messing it up for"? And what if I start and then don't like what I write? So all that indecision drives me nuts and I end up with pretty leatherbound empty books taking up space all over the house. (And having a computer journal just doesn't conjure up the same warm, cozy feeling. My computer has cords and wires and all that other outdated stuff that makes cuddling up with it in a cozy chair by the fire sound incredibly painful.)
The thing about privacy bothers me. Not wanting someone else to come along and read it. I don't mind perfect strangers reading it, but people I think know me and love me reading it? Yikes.
It's so strange that we can't write our truths on paper journals because of the reactions of those we live with if they really knew how we felt. Yet we think they do love us for ourselves. To me, that says much about the strong belief we have that unconditional love is impossible. (Maybe that is why the belief in an always-loving God is so appealing.)
The really frightening part is we don't just keep the truth from others. We also keep the truth about ourselves from ourselves, too. It's easier to believe in our motives as being honorable, than to say that our true motives are greed, lust, etc. So are we afraid that telling ourselves the way it REALLY is will also make us stop loving ourselves? Or did we ever really get a chance to KNOW and STILL love, with anyone?
I want to know myself. I want to know all the good and the bad and the light and the dark and
still be able to look at myself as special. Isn't that what we all want? To be special?? Is thinking of yourself that way possible? Gee, I am getting way too deep here. Must be time for a game show on tv or something.....