Most of us spend our lives searching outside ourselves for things we already know. We hope that someone else will provide our answers and become the authority in our lives. This is based upon the assumption that we do not already know all that we need to know.
I know I always look OUTSIDE myself for answers to problems, when many times I know deep inside what the right answer is. However, I don't trust myself.
Where does this come from? I think we all harbor a feeling that we aren't quite the person we present to the world because we have all done things we'd die if anyone knew. Take the show LOST for example. Every person on the show has some deep dark secret they would die if anyone discovered when there's really nothing wrong with any of them but being human and making mistakes.
Maybe we should all forgive ourselves, accept ourselves as imperfect beings on a journey through this life and admit we are better, stronger, wiser because of the times we have royally screwed up. I mean, we can't take any of it back can we?
My counselor said there is a big difference in guilt and shame. She said guilt is feeling like what we DID is wrong. Shame is feeling like we ARE wrong. I've always felt different from other people. That's why I don't feel comfortable around others and shy away from being in groups where I have to socialize. Isolation is not always comfortable either, although it is most days. I still have a nagging feeling that my life is just going by and I'm in HERE and life is out THERE.
But knowing it and fixing it are two different things.
Geez, I think I'm rambling......
No comments:
Post a Comment