Another Saturday Night.....

I spent the last couple of days with my daughter, who had surgery for an ovarian cyst. I'm happy to report she's home and doing fine. Her husband took over caring for her and I came on home. She had never had surgery before (except tonsils and wisdom teeth) and was really scared. But, as I told her husband, I think I was more scared than she was. I hate for my kids to have anything done to them. I'd much rather do it for them so they wouldn't have to. Mothers hate to see their kids in pain and not be able to fix it.
My husband, son, and I went to a movie today to see The Ring Two. It was ok but not as good as the first one. My son is a big horror movie fan, and although I'm not, I enjoy doing something with him. He's the last one at home, since he's still in college. My doctor reminded me lately that "soon I'll have the empty nest" and I told him I had it once before when all three of them were out on their own, until the middle one came back to finish school closer to home, to save expenses. I also told him I don't like having an empty nest. I am happy to see my kids having happy, productive lives of their own, but I miss them terribly. I miss hearing about how their day went, how their job is going, what they have been doing. But I swore I'd never be one of those "you never call me" mothers. Kids have enough to deal with without extra maternal guilt piled on.
It's not like I don't have a life. I have interests I could pursue if I could get motivated enough to do them. But I've decided it's okay to have days when I don't get a lot accomplished. When I just have time to do whatever strikes me at the moment, even if it means spending a lot of the day playing bingo on the computer or watching tv. I've spent my whole life living on other people's schedules, driving to appointments, or going to a job. So now I'm sort of drifting. But that's not a bad thing. Sometimes the quiet is good to help us learn about ourselves. At least, it seems to suit me for now. I have no big goals for the immediate future. But that also means I have no deadlines, no pressure, no possibility for failure. Am I taking the lazy way out? Maybe. But for now, I like it fine.