Men....Geez

My daughter was cleaning off her computer and found a letter her father wrote her in 1997, four years after our divorce. I X'd out some of the names to protect the privacy of my children. I think the letters are self-explanatory.

>Date: Wed, 09 Apr 1997 07:15:36 -0500
>To: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>From: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>
>At 01:37 PM 3/29/97 -0600, you wrote:
>> As you know, I'm employed at SCI abd I still make $2.00 per hour
>>less than the child support is based on. I am living on a minimum income
>>which leaves little. Your brother, XXXX wants to live with me and I
>>want that too, but I can't afford to raise him and send the full rate of
>>support too. As far as your college costs how do you expect me to pay
>>for all of this. I am salaried and I don't receive overtime pay. I don't
>>have any money stashed and you should know that. I know that your
>>grandmother is helping you and that your beloved has offered to help
>>you. So how about having some pitty for me. I've done the best that I
>>could for you all your life.
>> I am happy that you are trying to follow your dreams.I love you with
>>all my heart, but I must be able to live too. It's like you don't
>>have any love for me anymore and I don't understand why. Does it not
>>bother your to see me suffer like this? Do you not think of me at all?
>>Why is it that Im always wanting to see you, but when I do the words
>>won't come out. I look into your eyes and I see only contempt for me. So
>>I make it short and leave. I guess I just answered my own question, or
>>could it be that you really love me, but feel the same when you see me.
>>Don't you want to really find out how you feel about me, after finding
>>out what all the truth is?
> I can send only $10 per month toward your schooling. How about
>>discounting some of the money when you trade your old books in. It would
>>help me some.

Dad,
I am sorry that you’re having a tough time financially. I realize that you
are not “abundantly wealthy” and that you don’t have a fortune “stashed
away.” I cannot believe that you think I am so shallow as to take pleasure
in “seeing you suffer.” However, I am by no means living the life of
luxury, either.
You asked how I “expect you to pay for ‘all of this.’ Well, do you think
I can afford it all? I make $5.50 an hour and work 20 hours a week. I
can’t work anymore hours because I am taking 15 credit hours at UAH during
the day and 10 credit hours at Calhoun at night, in order to graduate as
quickly as possible. Grandmama is NOT helping me financially and never
has. I have not accepted help from XXXXX because it isn’t his
responsibility to pay for my college; we aren’t married yet, and he has
bills of his own. Mama is struggling to get her business up and going, to
pay off student loans and other debts (including lawyer bills which YOU
inflicted when YOU sued her), and to provide a living for us. The only
expenses that Mama helps me with is my car insurance, food, and shelter. I
pay for all other expenses, including gas, car maintenance (my car is seven
years old and has been wrecked), books, clothing, etc., with my
“extravagant” salary of $100 per week.
The child support that you pay (when you pay it) is supposed to be support
for my brothers only. As for me, YOU agreed before a judge to pay half
of all my college costs which are not covered by my pell grant and academic
scholarship. The amount not covered by these sources of financial aid is
only a small percentage of my overall college expenses. In fact, ALL of my
tuition is covered with the exception of summer semester. I am trying to
reduce this cost by taking classes at Calhoun, which is half the price of
UAH. I am not asking you to pay a tremendous amount, only what YOU agreed
to pay. I alone am paying for the other half of these expenses, and I make
a lot less money than you do. And as for my old textbooks, I DO trade them
in, and I use that money toward school supplies (i.e. notebooks, computer
disks, pens, pencils, etc.) which I haven’t been sending you the bill for.
I’m not trying to be hateful or to make you go “bankrupt.” I’m only trying
to get through school, and I’m working as hard as I can.
You said in your e-mail that I should have some “pity” on you. Well, I
don’t. Everything that occurs in your life is the result of the decisions
that YOU make. For as long as I can remember, you have blamed everyone
else for everything that has ever happened to you in your life. You blamed
your parents for “messing you up” as a child, when it was up to YOU to make
the best of the situation and to move on with your life. You blamed Mama
for the failure of your marriage, when it was YOU who were unfaithful to
her and told her she could either “like the way things were or get out.”
You blamed the company where you worked for firing you when it was YOU who wouldn’t go to
work because of the snow, even when they warned you ahead of time to come
to Decatur and stay in the motel. You blamed me for “turning XXXX against
you”, when it was YOU who, early in the divorce when XXXX got Mama to ask
you if he could come stay with you one weekend when XXXX was coming, told
Mama that she was “manipulating your visits” and that XXXX couldn’t come.
As for me “knowing all the truth,” I DO know the truth. I know that you
don’t care about anyone but yourself, not even your own children. Being a
father includes much more than financial support. You have NOT “done the
best that you could for us all of our lives.” No matter what you want to
think, things were not all “peachy” before the divorce. You used to scream
and cuss at XXXX until he would go off to his room crying. You used to
tell XXXX that you “couldn’t wait to go to work so that you could get away
from him.” You told me that I was a “bitch” when I didn’t want to babysit
for our neighbors one night. I was ashamed to bring home friends because
you used to scream and cuss at XXXX and XXXX in front of company. You
used to holler and cuss at us on the way to church because we were running
late or because XXXX and XXXX were arguing, or some other trivial thing.
Our house was usually in emotional turmoil, because we never knew what kind
of mood you would be in next. And after the divorce, you just up and left
us in the middle of the night, without telling us goodbye or anything, at a
time when we were young and upset about the whole ordeal and needed a
father the most. Then you had no contact with any of us for three months.
Then you quit providing any income for us (we didn’t even have money for
lunch or school and had to go on foodstamps to buy groceries) while you had
a well paying job at XXXXXX and were only supporting yourself. You
gave up custody of us because you didn’t want to help pay our medical
bills, and you held up the sale of the house because you didn’t want to
help support us. You took your contempt of Mama out on us, and put us in
the middle of your conflicts, a place where three children do not belong.
And today, you know nothing about what is going on in our lives, and have
shown no interest to find out. What do you care what I did during spring
break? You never cared to know what I did during spring break last year or
the year before that. You don’t even know my fiance’s name for sure! So
in since you were wondering why there seems to be “contempt in my eyes,”
read this letter and think about what I have just said.