Mom's Camping Trip

Mom's Camping Trip
Sometimes life is stranger than fiction. Also, more interesting. As I said in the last blog entry, my step-dad was really into fishing. He really enjoyed anything outdoors. I guess opposites must attract because my mom has major hay fever to trees, grasses, and (again in the last entry) a major aversion to anything creepy or crawly.My step-dad decided he really wanted to get a tent and start taking some camping/fishing trips. My grandfather decided it sounded like a good idea for him and my grandmother.
So they presented the idea to the two women. My mom said immediately that she did not intend to go on any camping trips because she was concerned about snakes. Grandmother nodded her support. My step-dad assured them that where they were planning to go was a campground filled with pine trees, and since snakes can't crawl on pine needles, (They bought that. No, it's not true) they would not have to worry about seeing any.
A few weeks later, off they went, the four of them, with a new tent and all the accessories that accompany living in the great outdoors. The women did their part, stocking up on groceries to make tasty camping meals on the trusty Coleman propane stove. The tent was set up among the pine trees, the cots placed inside, along with all the other paraphernalia.
The first night went fine.The next morning, the men got up early and went out in the boat to catch "the big one". When mom and grandmother saw that it was beginning to rain, they knew the men would be in soon, so they began cooking breakfast. Mom fired up the propane stove, and soon the skillet was sizzling with bacon and eggs.
Mom decided she needed some salt for the eggs, and instructed Granny to get some from one of the grocery sacks in the corner of the tent. As Granny bent over the sack, she saw the last twelve inches of a snake as it crawled under one of the cots.Her first inclination was to scream and get the hell out of there, but seeing Mom with the stove, hot grease, and propane, she feared warning Mom at that moment would cause a major catastrophe. So she walked over and started trying to unzip the door to the tent. Unfortunately, it was a new zipper, and with frantic jerking, all she managed to do was get the zipper stuck.
This really freaked her out and she started tearing at the zipper. My mom, puzzled as to why her mother would want to go out of the tent into what was now pouring rain, said, "Where are you going?"
Granny said, much calmer than she felt, "We have to get out of here."
Mom said, "Are you kidding? It's pouring down rain out there. We can't go out there."
Granny replied, "We have to get out of here!"
When mom asked why, Granny's fear could not be contained any longer and she yelled, "There's a SNAKE IN HERRREEEEEE!"
Granny said with ten seconds and while emitting an ear-splitting scream, my mom knocked her completely aside, unzipped the zipper, and started running down the river bank in her nightgown, barefooted, screaming at the top of her lungs. Of course, this managed to awaken most of the other campers, and when one man stopped her to see what was wrong, she looked down and noticed her nightgown, now soaking wet, and her scream changed from panic to demure.She smiled and said, soft and sweet, "Well, sir, I think we might have us a little snake in our tent."
The man collected his favorite snake-killing tool, a hammer, and followed her back to the tent. She stood a good twenty feet away with my Grandmother, and they waited for him to go in.In a minute or so, he stuck his head out of the tent and said, "Yeah, Lady, you've got a snake in here all right, but it's not a little one."At that, my mom headed back down the riverbank, again screaming at the top of her lungs, with Granny chasing her trying to calm her down.
The man managed to kill the snake and presented it to my step-dad and Grandfather just as they stepped onto the bank. Needless to say, my mom informed my step-dad that his pine needle story was a bunch of crap and that was her last camping trip.
Recently, my daughter and son-in-law decided to take up camping. When she said I might also enjoy it, I emphatically replied, "Hell no."
My husband added his comment, "If it doesn't have air conditioning and room service, Kathy's not interested." He knows me so well............