And That's All

Yesterday I saw the therapist about the neighbor thing. After we talked awhile, I realized I 1) know the floor plan of the neighbor's house inside (where all the rooms are) and 2) I remembered a shed out back, dark inside, and it made me scared and physically feel like I was smothering. After that, she suggested that I 1) run a criminal background check on the neighbor, now deceased, to see if he was indeed a molester of anyone and 2) go by there to see if the houses are still there, and if there is any kind of outbuilding out back. She also suggested I not go do this alone, but take someone with me in case I get upset. I decided if I get upset, I don't want anyone there to see that, so I drove there alone. (about 45 miles away). As I drove up the street I found that, yes, the houses were still there. As I drove past, I saw what looked like an outbuilding of some kind, maybe. This freaked me out and I decided I didn't want to think about it anymore. I took my camera phone and took some pictures, thought I'd just go by and get some lunch somewhere and then look at them to see if I remembered anything. I went to get lunch but couldn't bring myself to look at the pictures yet. I calmed down and decided I would go back just to see if the outbuilding I thought I saw was really there, and if it was detached, and if I remembered anything else. I found an alleyway running behind the houses and drove up it, and took a picture of the detached outbuilding. I was finding it hard to breathe, literally. I drove down to the corner, calmed down, and came home. After I came home, it was surreal, like I must have surely imagined seeing all that. I sent the pictures to my email and looked. Yes, it's there. And I remember being inside, and the darkness, and not being able to breathe. And that's all.