Tuesday, March 07, 2006

And That's All



Yesterday I saw the therapist about the neighbor thing. After we talked awhile, I realized I 1) know the floor plan of the neighbor's house inside (where all the rooms are) and 2) I remembered a shed out back, dark inside, and it made me scared and physically feel like I was smothering. After that, she suggested that I 1) run a criminal background check on the neighbor, now deceased, to see if he was indeed a molester of anyone and 2) go by there to see if the houses are still there, and if there is any kind of outbuilding out back. She also suggested I not go do this alone, but take someone with me in case I get upset. I decided if I get upset, I don't want anyone there to see that, so I drove there alone. (about 45 miles away). As I drove up the street I found that, yes, the houses were still there. As I drove past, I saw what looked like an outbuilding of some kind, maybe. This freaked me out and I decided I didn't want to think about it anymore. I took my camera phone and took some pictures, thought I'd just go by and get some lunch somewhere and then look at them to see if I remembered anything. I went to get lunch but couldn't bring myself to look at the pictures yet. I calmed down and decided I would go back just to see if the outbuilding I thought I saw was really there, and if it was detached, and if I remembered anything else. I found an alleyway running behind the houses and drove up it, and took a picture of the detached outbuilding. I was finding it hard to breathe, literally. I drove down to the corner, calmed down, and came home. After I came home, it was surreal, like I must have surely imagined seeing all that. I sent the pictures to my email and looked. Yes, it's there. And I remember being inside, and the darkness, and not being able to breathe. And that's all.

2 comments:

Forest Lady said...

Cathy, I probably shouldn't have gone alone but at the time, I guess I honestly thought maybe I just remembered this all wrong, and there would be no building there. I'd like for it to all just be a bad dream.
Amy, I wonder just how much of a memory I could have that young. Not much up to this point makes sense.

Freebird said...

Not even sure what to say, but I'm sorry and you're very brave to go there alone. :-(