Ok, saw the therapist again today. She's had me keeping a dream journal for awhile now. You know how you wake up and you were sort of in the middle of a detailed dream and then it just sort of drifts away and then you can't remember any of it? Well, she told me to keep a notebook and pen by the bed, and write as soon as I wake up. So I tried it. I found out even if I can only vaguely remember the dream, once I pick up the paper and pencil and start writing (lying flat on my back holding it in the air!) all the details reappear and I remember much more of it than I thought I would. Well, my first observation in doing this was that I sure have freaky weird dreams. But after ten or fifteen entries, I began to see that even my freaky weird dreams have a pattern. My dreams range from being at school and wandering the halls terrified that I can't find my class and will be late, to wandering in a huge parking lot and can't find my car and am going to be late, or babysitting and losing the baby and being terrified the parents will find out, etc etc. In every single dream I have, I'm scared I'm going to get into trouble. Someone is going to figure out I'm incompetent, absent minded, stupid, etc and I'm going to get into terrible trouble, or they won't like me, or some other fate worst than death.
So when I told her what I had discovered about my dreams, she was not surprised. She said it goes back to the not feeling good enough thing. And the anxiety that I won't measure up no matter how hard I try.
So I wanted to know how to FIX IT. She said well you are. You are telling yourself different things than the old tapes you usually play. You're journaling and coming to therapy and learning more about yourself so you can change these old patterns, and you are pushing yourself to challenge the way you've always done things.
I've decided to say a little prayer before I go to bed at night and ask God to please let me just get into trouble in my dream and it still all be fine. I'll let you know if it works. :-)
2 comments:
The most reoccurring dream I have is the one about not getting to class on time, or not having my homework done. I think I must have had lots of anxiety in school.
It doesn't seem like I ever have "good" dreams. It will be interesting to see how this works for you.
Gillian
I just found your blog and saw this post on your Maltepoo baby! (back in your January Posts)He is precious. I have a Maltepoo- Coco. He is a sweetie. Here's my blog about him. Wanna be blogger buds? :)
http://cocothemaltepoo.blogspot.com/
It said his bday is in April, so happy bday Rags!!! 2 yrs old! My Coco is was 1 this year.
Post a Comment