Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Temporary Insanity


Ok, Amy made a request that she's like to know about the "three week guy" I mentioned in my last post. I was going to add my comment but it was getting too long, so I decided to hang my dirty laundry on the line and just put this out there for any of you who don't think I'm far enough off my rocker!
Really, I think our mistakes are actually a good thing, because we learn such valuable lessons from them, but mostly because they give us such humility.
I was married nineteen years the first time, and he started having an affair with a lady in the PTA (He was PTA president). This affair went on for a year before I figured it out. I ended up divorcing him, and since I married at seventeen, I had no idea who I was. All I knew is I was fat, nearing forty, and had three kids. Didn't sound like much of a package anyone would want to take on. So I decided I'd just raise my kids and try not to think about men!
That worked fine for a year. Then I decided to take my kids to visit a little country church where one of their friends went. After church, this sweet looking little old gray haired lady came up and started talking to me. I ended up telling her where we lived, that I was divorced, etc. The next day she called and said she had a huge apple tree in her yard, and apples were falling faster than they could eat them. She said if I would come by, she would love to give me some apples. Hey, groceries were at a premium at our house, and I like apples. So I went. While I was there, she mentioned her divorced son who had just moved back home (well actually in another place behind their house) and how nice he was. She said you need a nice man. I said, You think so? and laughed. I mean what do you say to that?
Well that was enough. The next day I got a call from the son, saying Mom had given him my number. We talked and he asked me to go to the movies. I was so THRILLED that anyone wanted to take me anywhere, I said I'd go. We went out and although thinking back I thought he was repulsive, I also thought he was nice. And he had one thing going for him. He actually seemed to like me. Wow. What about that.
His mom kept calling, saying he was so crazy over me and how good a son he was to her, and how he needed a good woman, and I needed someone and yada yada yada. They both started putting pressure on me to get married. I mean pressure with a capital P. I heard everything from how much of my life was I going to waste to I wasn't getting any younger, etc. I began to believe them. I said I'd marry him. My kids screamed NOOOOO. My family screamed NOOOOO. My dad begged me to wait. Everyone said I had lost my mind. But all I could think of was someone actually likes me. He likes me. Oh My God.
So we married, he moved in. I was working a full time job, and going to school full time trying to get my degree so I could teach. I left out the next morning and came home to find he hadn't left the house. He said he was sick. Ok. Next day still sick. Beginning to smell a rat. Third day he admits he quit his job. Why? Because I was working why should he? He likes being home and he can cook. Now the smell of rat is getting terrible. But I don't know what to do. I mean really. I didn't know what to do. I was that beaten down at that time.
My mom called me the next morning and said how are you doing? I started bawling. She said, "You know you can get a divorce. You don't have to stay with him." So it was like I got permission. I went home and said LEAVE. He asked if he could stay to the end of the week. I said NOOOO, this hotel is closed for repairs. Go to Mom's!!!
A lot of my family and friends don't know about that marriage. I quietly slipped down and paid for a divorce and tried to act like nothing happened.

But something did happen. I had just stood up for myself for the first time. And I liked it. It would take a lot of practice and I'm still not very good at it. But I can remember a hand full of times that I have done it, and it feels great. Now how was that for my 250th blog entry?

4 comments:

Cathy said...

I'm with Amy, that is a no-counter. The minute a man quites his job, doesn't help with the rent or buy groceries he becomes a non-husband. Therefore causing the marriage to become null and void. So, just scratch him off your list.

What a great lesson you learned from that experience huh? He taught you to like yourself.

Forest Lady said...

Amy, I went to the lawyer thinking I could have it annulled. The lawyer said, "Well, little lady, an annullment is a lot more time consuming and expensive. It would be a lot easier for you to get a divorce. Only people I've ever heard of trying to get annullments are religious fanatics." I had no idea about the law on it. So I said, "Fine, do a divorce. Whatever!"

Forest Lady said...

I dated him less than two months, so I have to take my responsibility as a co-idiot. ha!

Gillian said...

It's like you said, we learn valuable lessons from our mistakes. At least you didn't make the mistake of staying married to him for a long time. Sounds pretty sensible to me!

I've made my share of mistakes. I figure I've had lots of lessons, but wish I hadn't had so much I needed to learn!