Blogging is a lot of fun for me. I enjoy writing and I love reading the comments. Thanks to a post Amy had a long time ago, I make a conscious effort to keep it real.
But there are some things for all of us that we just can't write about on a blog.
I've tried journaling many times through the years. The majority of the time I buy gorgeous journals and don't use them because I'll mess them up. Or I start one and end up jotting down so many random things in it, like quotes from people on Oprah (ha!) that I look at it and feel like I've "messed it up" and I get another one, more afraid of messing it up, too.
I had a counselor tell me once to buy a regular ol' spiral notebook, write inside the cover in big letters, "There is no right way to do this" and then start writing. She said if you want to write, write; if you want to draw, draw; if you want to take a pen and claw at the paper in rage, do that! She also assured me that if I would do it daily for two weeks, after that I would begin to move past the surface stuff and would start to learn a lot about myself. She was right. Some of the "lightbulb" moments I had with journaling blew me away. The counselor I'm seeing now also pushes journaling. She feels it's a great way to get to know yourself and what you really think, what's under the mask you present to everyone else so they will think you're nice and like you.
I signed up for this assertiveness class, and one of the books they recommend as supplemental material is a 5 year journal. I found it on Amazon, and have ordered it.
Here is the link to it if anyone is interested. It's actually an updated better version of a previous one the same author did. There are no reviews of the new one yet but it looks like everyone loved the older one except for the quality of the paper. Hopefully she fixed that with this new one. No, I don't have any kickback from the book! Just thought some of you might need a push to start journaling like I do.
There are also some books that are recommended in the assertiveness class. I'll list them so anyone else who has a major problem being assertive can look them over.
How to Grow a Backbone: 10 Strategies for Gaining Power and Influence at Work
by Susan A. Marshall
The Power of Positive Confrontation
by Barbara Pachter and Susawn Magee
The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships
by by Randy Paterson
The Disease to Please
by by Harriet B. Braiker
Journalution: Journaling to Awaken Your Inner Voice, Heal Your Life, and Manifest Your Dreams
by Sandy Grason
I've not read any of them, but have ordered a couple of them. So I don't know if they are good or not, just that they are recommended by the teacher.
I have learned the difference in being passive, aggressive and assertive. I think we as women are taught to be passive, because anything else is not nice and ladylike. Being passive makes you have low self-esteem, and makes people treat you differently than if you stood up for yourself, according to this class. I believe that. People tend to walk all over me, especially in a work situation.
I also learned that you can be assertive in one area of your life, like career, and very non-assertive in another area, like relationships.
I've said before that I can count the times on one hand that I've actually stood up to a very tough situation and let my needs, thoughts, feelings, be known. Most of the time, I cry when I'm doing it because I'm scared to death and shaking inside. But every single time I've done this, I've felt TREMENDOUSLY better afterward.
Last night, my husband took the quiz that they gave us in the course to determine just how assertive or passive you are. He scored passive too, as I could have told him ! I guess that's why he and I get along so well. Neither of us wants to rock the boat so we just agree with whatever the other one is saying at the moment!
2 comments:
Rock the boat huh? Here are my thoughts on that.
Sailing on steady seas is wonderful. Wouldn't it be nice if we all could just sit back and enjoy the calm waters.
Life just isn't that way though. No matter how hard you try and avoid it the seas will become choppy and if you don't know how to handle the boat during chopping waters then you aren't going to be able to relax and enjoy calm waters. Why? Because you are going to live your life in fear of what will happen should the waters become choppy.
Calm waters are so much more enjoyable when you are secure in your ability to handle choppy waters when it comes your way.
The boat needs to be rocked periodically so that one can get the fullest enjoyment out of those calm waters.
A good sailor not only learns how to handle the boat during steady waters. He learns how to handle it during choppy waters also. In fact the most important thing a sailor must learn is how to handle the choppy waters. It makes him a better sailor.
When it comes to life, I want to be the best sailor I can be.
I rode a rocky boat a long time in my last marriage. In fact it was a rocky boat on a roller coaster. You get the idea. My husband had the same thing in his first marriage. A little peace and calm was what we needed, and we gave that to each other. I think it helps that we are both so easy-going about the little things. And we haven't had to ride those choppy waters but once since we married, with the sickness of my child. Then the storm wasn't between us but with the situation. I'm not "secure in handling" the choppy waters. Never have been. But I try to just deal with one day at a time. That's about all I can do.
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