I saw the counselor yesterday, and she had me buy a book to read called, "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better." I guess that tells you how she thinks I'm doing.....ha. What I really wanted to talk to her about was an invitation I received from a cousin of mine, whom I've not seen in twenty years(??) about a "cousins reunion." All the first cousins, and also my dad and step-mom since he's the only surviving one of his generation in his family. He was one of ten children, and was next to the youngest. I have twenty "first cousins."
My first thought when I received it was, "Oh noooooo...." I don't know most of them, I'm anything BUT a social person, and I'm going to feel guilty and obligated and lower than a ant's belly if I don't go...and I don't want to go. I'd rather have surgery than go...if that tells you how I feel about it. But once the invitation arrived, I'm on the hook. It's one of those RSVP things, so I am suppose to call either way...If I do, I'm going to be asked why, and that would require a lie of some kind.. It just gets deeper.....and deeper....
So when I told the counselor all that, she suggested that book. I bought it and started skimming through it, and I see myself on every freaking page. The author gives examples of conversations where people feel obligated to fix things, or where people are being manipulated, etc. Well, I was married to an extremely manipulative man before current hubby, and I never saw it coming and later would wonder how in the world I let myself get dragged into whatever interchange we had just had.
I try to tell my kids what to do because I don't want them to have things hard or be unhappy. I know. I shouldn't do that! I'm notorious for telling people everything is going to be OK, even when it very well may not.
So I'm reading that book. I'm still working on the Harry Potter series. Number Seven is waiting patiently on my book shelf for me to finish the other six. I'm still on book number three. I haven't done much on that lately.
I also decided that it's a good time in my life to stop and reevaluate what I believe to be true in my life and what isn't, as far as religion goes. My only religious upbringing was a short time in the Baptist church, so when I had children, that's where I took them. I have a larger world view now, and even though this is the Bible belt, I've met a lot of people from different faiths. I find it fascinating. So I decided it's as good a time as any to do some deep study for myself, and not based on what anyone else has told me.
If it sounds like I have too much time on my hands, I probably do, but I love studying, always have. My husband has always wondered who in their right mind would do math problems for fun...(me). So I'm fascinated by all this.
I went down to have my allergy shot this morning, and after I got home, I started wheezing. It freaked me out because my mom has these MAJOR allergic reactions where her blood pressure drops, she swells up and passes out. I called the doctor and they told me to take Benedryl and put ice on the injection site. But I knew Benedryl would knock me out, and my husband gets off at four. I don't want to be knocked out, because I want to go out to eat and a movie tonight if possible. So I rumbled through the cabinets and got his inhaler (he has asthma more often than me) and I used that. I still feel a bit tight in my lungs but not wheezy anymore so I guess I'll live. ha. The bad part is, this is going to be a major setback in them up-ing my dosage, which means I have to take them a lot longer....whoopee.
The press releases on the Chicken Soup book my story is in was sent to all the author's hometown newspapers and television stations. Some woman from a local station called me and wanted an interview...,and you wouldn't get me on TV without a lot of cash. I've been paid for my story. I don't make anymore if the book does well, or doesn't.
And I have to share this video my daughter sent...If you think you have bad days, just check this out. Makes me wheeze just looking at it.
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