Break a Leg?

My worst nightmare is having a social situation coming up I know I have to attend. My granddaughter just had her first birthday. My daughter had a big birthday party with a lot of my son-in-law's family, her friends, her father and his new wife, and my husband and me. So right away I have two reasons to freak- 1) being around a large group of people I don't know well and 2) sitting for hours with my ex and his wife.
So my two choices that I saw were 1) be the wicked witch of all grandmothers and not go to my granddaughter's birthday, or 2) take two Valium, leave my house, and attend.

The party was yesterday, Saturday, and my angst had been building all week. I'm just seeing the therapist every two weeks now, and this was not her week. Friday morning I woke up, after having terrible nightmares, and I was walking the floors freaking. I called to see if I could get in with the therapist only to find out they are closed on Fridays (the one time I've ever called because I actually needed to talk to her, and they are closed!) so then I freaked even more. I called my friend, Dawn, and she said she was having a bad day, too, so let's go to lunch. We did and she talked me down to something near sane.

Of course, no matter how stupid this sounds, I wanted to look good because my stupid ex was going to be there. No matter how long you've been divorced and how much you hate the SOB, you want him to still see what he let get away because he's such an a-hole. I did my hair, bought a new outfit, did my makeup, and off we went.

My friend, Dawn, called me on the way to say she was praying for me. I told her thanks, I needed all the help I could get, prayers were welcomed and I also had an Ativan in my purse as a backup plan B.

Well, we were the first to arrive, so we were able to secure a place of comfort on the couch as the others wandered in. I had no idea the ex and his wife had arrived until I walked right up on them when I went to see my granddaughter in her high chair. I hadn't gotten a close up view of his new wife in, well, never I guess. I'm fat, but she's fatter. My ex had gotten very, very fat with a solid grey beard, so I felt a great sigh of relief and more appreciation of my husband. But then a strange thing happened.

My ex and his wife took their place on a couch off to the side, and it's obvious they know NO ONE AT ALL. They barely know their son-in-law, don't know any of his family, any of their daughter's friends, and very little about their daughter. They looked pitiful sitting there, and I felt sorry for them. So, I went over and sat down and started talking to them. They looked surprised but immediately looked relieved that someone they knew (whether or not they liked me was irrelevant) was talking to them.

We talked about the kids, the grandbaby, our parents, the weather, vacations, and anything else we could think of. I even got up and got them drinks. Then after holding the grandbaby for awhile, I took her over and asked if they would like to hold her. His wife took her and they both ooohed and awwwwed over her.

My husband sat by me on the couch for moral support. I got through it. I came home, and I immediately fell asleep at 6:30 on the couch. I slept until bedtime and my husband woke me up to go to bed. As he covered me up, he said, "His wife looks so much older than you do." I smiled. Then I slept until 9 AM, which I never do. It wiped me out because it was such an emotional drain, but I did it, and I was very proud of myself for accomplishing it.

My friend, Dawn, said the dreading it is always worse than the actual thing you dread. I don't know if that was true in this case. She also said she had thought that if I had broken a leg, that I would have had a third option on attending, but she didn't want to mention that to me, for fear I'd find a way. I told her I had already seriously considered that option, since the "I'm sick" had been way overused in the past.

Next weekend is my father's family reunion. I don't know that I will go to that. I feel it's a little more optional than this event was. I wouldn't have to have a broken leg to skip it.