Still in the Woods

I have found out a couple of things that may have contributed to my going downhill so quickly. One-my regular doc put me on Singular three weeks before I went in the hospital (which the hospital immediately took me off) and it has been linked to depression and suicide. Second, my blood pressure was so low in the hospital, they took me off my blood pressure medicine and it's still low. So I didn't need that, and low blood pressure makes you feel crappy.
Plus, I went in the hospital with what I thought was a UTI, which they treated with three weeks of antibiotics. To make a long story short, they are still finding massive amounts of white blood cells in my pee, and want me to see a urologist August 15th. They said it could be a lot of things, but didn't really say what.
Somehow it makes me feel better to know that it wasn't all mental, but some of it was physical, too.
The psych is still trying meds, and I see him again Tuesday. I left the house for the first time today (except for dr appts) and that was to see my dad. I sat down and talked with my step-mom for hours and I cried and she cried. Then I hugged my dad three times and told him I love him twice, and he replied he loved me, too. Then she hugged me and said she loved me, and I told her I love her, too. Then I realized I do love her. I came home and slept all afternoon. My husband has been begging me all week to go out to eat, but I haven't felt like going anywhere. I have no appetite. That visit did me good, though.
I started this blog to be honest, and I've always just put it out there. I write to unload as much as I do for anyone else to read. I feel like shit, ya'll. I'm still in the bottom of the well and no rope they've thrown down yet has worked to get me out.
I had a friend I've written about before who killed herself because of depression. I never understood until this time around. You actually think you feel so low that death would feel better. In your mind, you know that's not rational. I keep telling myself that my therapist said I will pull out of this. She said she's seen worse, and they pulled out. But I have to be patient. So I'm still here, being patient, wandering in the forest.