I'm in the doghouse. When I married my husband, he and I were both moderates politically. With me, it depended on the issue. As the years have passed, he's become ultra conservative, and I've become much more liberal. And he listens to Rush Limbaugh and that radio talk stuff all day at work. So when he comes home, he starts about what is wrong with the liberals, how this country is going to hell because of Obama, blah blah. And me, I argue a little at first, then I shut up and don't say anything. Of course, he doesn't notice. He can go on and on for hours. He gets very emotional about it. I end up mad, and then for days I stew. No more.
I am growing a spine this year. Tonight we went to dinner. A nice dinner out. It's been awhile since we've had dinner out alone. So I was enjoying myself, until...of course, Ted Kennedy's seat etc came up, and he got on a role. I let him go for about fifteen minutes, thinking he would say what he needed to say and stop. No such luck. After fifteen minutes, I said, "You know, you and I see this differently, and I don't agree with you." He ignored that and continued to rant.
So I said, "Did you hear what I just said?" He said yeah, I heard you. Then he started up AGAIN. This time I said, "Look. You feel that way. I don't. I really don't want to hear this."
You'd have thought I had thrown acid on him with the look I got. So then we sat in silence. Of course, I tried to make small talk, but after awhile, there was not much use in talking to myself, so I stopped. He let me know by slamming down the pen and the receipt and his glass that he was mad. And I ignored it. I kept hearing my therapist in my head, saying, "You have to share your feelings. How the other person reacts is none of your business." So I kept repeating that to myself.
Of course, a big part of me wanted to say something to gloss it over and make it all go away. So I tried that. I said, "It's been a long time since we've had a nice evening together like this, and I'd like to spend it talking about something neutral." Silence.
So now we're home, and he's still not speaking. It's going to be a really quiet night and I'm not backing down. So there.
6 comments:
Ha! David gets mad at me when I tell him I don't want to hear it, and we agree!
This election and post-election is the first time I have felt that politics has become divisive with me and some of my friends. And one goes on as the same way as your husband, and I just keep my mouth shut and avoid too much contact with her. I guess that doesn't work well with your husband!
It sounds like you and I have moved in the same direction in our ideas, although I think mostly things don't work the way they should, no matter which "side" you are on.
Politics are just not a very good topic as far as I'm concerned.
I think he knows as well as I do that we will not see eye to eye on this, and I don't see why we can't talk about something else. I've done like you and kept my mouth shut, but I am not going to do that anymore. But there may be a lot of silent treatment around here. But it will be quieter than when his mother was here!
If it were my husband, I wouldn't keep my mouth shut either. Luckily we agree on many things right now, when it comes to government and politics.
I think having to listen to the rantings of someone who is a fan of Rush Limbaugh would drive me to murder.
You deserve an award for being patient with him.
Cathy, I agree.
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