Hush Mama and Let me Talk!

If I broke my legs and had to have physical therapy, I wouldn't expect it to be a quick fix. I'd expect it to take some time and patience. But I didn't think that way about going for counseling therapy. I wanted to spill my guts, let her pinpoint where I'm messing up, give me a 1-2-3 way of fixing it, and WA-LA! Even me in my muddle mind realized it's not reasonable to expect that. However, that didn't keep me from asking the counselor today if she could give me the steps I need to take to fix myself. She smiled one of those smiles that you immediately interpret as "Oh, you silly, silly, child."
But she knows me, after listening to my ramblings now for several weeks, and she knew that even if she couldn't give me an immediate solution, the least she could do is give me a map. She suggested I go home and get a notebook and write "The Fix It Book". In this book, I am to take a page for each of the problems I have in my life. She suggested if that seems overwhelming just pick a couple. Then under it write what the ultimate outcome would be, the one I'd most like to see, and then under it start listing the steps I'm willing to take to get there.
Her next advice was to write a dream for myself. A big dream. If it didn't matter what money I had, or what people thought or how far fetched it seemed to me, just dream big and write it down.
Then she suggested I write a letter to anyone who had hurt me. I told her a good friend suggested that not only does it help to write it, but it helps to write a response from the other person to yourself of what you wish they would say. She said that sounded like a great idea. She said I need to express in these letters my anger, my fear, my frustrations, my needs, my wants, and be specific. Then I am to bring those to the next counseling session. She said those letters can be one step that I list in my fix it book.
She talked to me about my writing. How I get inspired, how do I write, where the words come from. Then she asked where I wanted my writing to go. I said I wish I could write something that touched millions of people, but I didn't want to be famous for it, because that would mean I would have to do interviews, go on Oprah (gasp!) etc. I told her my dream was more to write something brilliant, and after I'm gone have it be discovered and then I could be famous. (Hey, I just tell her the first thing that comes into my brain!) She said why do you not want to be famous for your writing while you're here to enjoy it? I replied that I would not be comfortable with the recognition, I'd feel like I was being "hoytie, toytie", and "who does she think she is!"
She sat back in her chair, and said, "I didn't ask you about your writing dream because I particulurly wanted to know about the writing process. I asked you these questions because I wanted to know what YOU really thought, dreamed, hoped for. But instead of hearing from you, I heard from your mother."
That's why I pay that woman what I pay her. She says things that knock the breath out of me and leave me sitting like a deer in the headlights.
So it was a good session.