Monday, May 26, 2008

Church is Where God's Creations Are


Yesterday, my husband and I went to see my Dad. I called before we went, knowing my step-mom would be at church and really doubtful about him answering the phone. But he did. I told him who I was, and he said, "Hey Babydoll, How you doing?" So I realized he knew me, and I was hoping he was having a "good day." Some days he remembers things. Other days, his bad days, it's very difficult for him. Anyway, we drove out there. It's about an hour's drive.
When we got there, he was sitting outside on the patio by himself. He smiled and waved us to come sit down. I told him I had brought him some pictures. The first one was of him, standing in the yard with my sister and me (I was about five; she was nine, maybe.) I said, "Do you know who that is?"
He replied, "That's me."
I said, "Yes, Daddy, that's you. Who's that with you?"
He looked so sad. He said, "Two young'uns...but I don't know...I just can't remember...I..I don't know who they are."
I explained that one was me, one was my sister. He looked up at me for awhile, and I wondered if he knew me. He smiled, and I thought maybe he did, but I wasn't sure. I took him a picture of him with my daughter, and him with my granddaughter, the ones I had previously posted here on the blog. He didn't recognize my daughter, or remember that my granddaughter had come to visit him about a month ago, but he did recognize himself in each picture. He'd say, "That's me."
I saw a preview for a movie, where a quote was, "When you get to a certain age, life stops giving you things and starts taking things away." My daddy is slipping away from me. I don't know each time I go if he will know me or not. I don't know each time I go if he will still be alive the next time.
He tells the same stories over and over. He seems content. He said he used to go to church with my step-mom, but he's hard of hearing, and he couldn't hear the preacher. He said, "It's miserable to sit there that long and can't hear a thing." I said, "Well, Daddy, I think church is more outside than it is inside anyway." He looked around and pointed out in the pasture. He said, "I would rather be outside any day than inside. Back there, in those woods, and over there, in those woods, there are deer, and squirrels, and all kinds of trees and flowers. That's church, I guess."
He's right. I said, "Daddy, wherever there are things that God created, that's church."
He hugged me when we left. It will always be a bittersweet memory of mine, so I wanted to record it here.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That is the scariest thing about Alzheimer's, to me, is that you know you're slipping. I think it would be agonizing to me to know that there would eventually come a time where I could not even remember my husband. But it's nice that you're able to see him, if not for him than for whatever peace it brings you.