For the record, my husband is a Republican, but I love him in spite of it. We watch the debates together. He makes his comments on the Democrats. Then I make mine on the Republicans after their debates. We never argue about it. He knows that I am too stubborn to change my mind. I just don't feel we need anyone in the White House who, looking at the state of our country's economy, feels that whether or not gay people get married, or a woman gets an abortion is something they need to address with the office of the Presidency.
I got an email from Amazon that my Kindle should ship by 1/21. I can't wait to get it. I am reading Water for Elephants now. I found all these classics like Little Women on Amazon for the Kindle for 99 cents. I thought wow. Bought a bunch. Then I figured out they are free on other sites. Oh well. Now I know.
The Rabbi and his wife, that we are taking the long distance class from, called last night to see how we are doing. My husband talked to them. I'm still having some doubts about everything.
Yesterday we went to a funeral for my uncle. At the funeral they played all the hymns I learned as a child. I remembered all the words. I wonder if maybe I'm too old to make this kind of change. I just don't know. I still have a lot to sort out and all the time I need to do it.
As far as my uncle, he was 90. My aunt died many years ago. He was not able to drive anymore, in bad health, and miserable. He got all of his papers out on the dining room table, had his house cleaned, left a note telling his family how much he loved them, and went out into the back yard and shot himself. The pastor that did his funeral said he was a WWII vet, a Purple Heart recipient, a father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and that it was not uncommon for elderly people to feel they have done all that God gave them to do and they are ready to go home.
It was all very sad. I did get to see some first cousins I hadn't seen in many years.
After the funeral, we went out to visit my dad. He was having a good day, and knew me. He didn't seem to recognize my sister's name, though. Some days are better than others.
I had to dress up for the funeral, and got out my dark pants outfit, only to find it is huge on me. Ended up having to fish around for something else to wear. That was so awesome. I am really curious as to what I weigh now, but don't want to know bad enough to go by the doctor's office.
My daughter's birthday is tomorrow. My husband and I are going to get together with them Saturday. I am looking forward to it. Happy Birthday, baby girl.
5 comments:
I'm sorry about your uncle.
You don't know me, I don't know you, so to give advice seems foolish, however, I've been a fool many times before!
You're considering a family conversion, which is quite different than marrying a Jew and converting. I converted with a family and I know quite a few converts who did the family thing, some who are happy they converted and some not. I also know people who considered doing so and then backed away.
If you have doubts about converting, listen to them. Judaism is not the end all and be all of living. Judaism in books sounds so great, but in person it's a lot tougher. It's not for everyone, nor should it be. Take your time. Think it through thoroughly.
It could be you just want to take the wisdom you've acquired and use it to make your life better right where you are. It's a tough thing to walk away from one life and take on another, especially when you have grown kids in that other. Why do it if you're not driven to do so?
There are many people who think about converting who never do. So what? They gain a deeper appreciation for Jews and Judaism which they carry with them wherever they go. There is much to be said for that. Life is too short to get tied up in knots over religion. It just doesn't matter. Why not relax and enjoy life in a way that works for you and your family?
I've read your blog. You seem like a great person with a great family. I would say keep your family all on the same page as much as possible. Another woman convert and I were talking at kiddish on Shabbat. I had been looking at pictures of my father and our family; it was another world, a world to which I no longer belong, she understands. Neither of us regret converting, but sometimes we feel really sad about the life we lost along the way. Don't ever downplay or discount that loss. It is very real.
Family conversions are not the same as marrying into a Jewish family. There is no extended Jewish family to which you will belong. You're it. For both of you it is loss of your past. It's tough, very tough. Do you want to feel like an outsider in your kids' lives or do you want to be right there with them, taking part in it all and feeling totally at ease?
I know I chose the best life for my kids and me when we converted, but it was a hard way to go. After my conversion I went through a mourning phase. The break from my past was final. And that is how it stands today. I can go back like I did for my father's funeral, but it wasn't my place. I came back to my Jewish community and began mourning rituals as a Jew, only my father wasn't Jewish. It's like being suspended between two worlds.
Sorry for going on so, but I guess I'm glad to read of your doubts. If you decide to go forward it will be a well thought out decision and not impulse. You'll know the score and be prepared for what happens instead of having regrets later on. And if you back away? You've learned much and perhaps gained a new perspective. Either way I wish you the best.
Thanks, Yael. It's nice to hear someone understands how I feel, and that I'm not the first one to feel this way. You gave me a lot to think about.
Yael makes many cogent points. You may or may not decide to convert, and either way, you're fine. I can also say that Judaism is something that you sort of have to marinate in, perhaps even over the course of many years. I'm thinking of relative of mine who converted, and for this person the religion only now, after 10 years, feels like home. Good luck on your journey. I know whatever path you choose you will be happy.
Hi Forest Lady,
Thanks. Conversion to Judaism so life changing and no one can know ahead of time what it is like. Doubts, thinking and re-thinking? These are good things. In the end you'll make the right choice for the right reasons, of that I have no doubt!
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