So Cute!

I made this as a gift for my son-in-law to give him at the shower. I thought it was a cute idea but everyone I saw to order was outrageous. So we bought the stuff and made this one.
My MIL comes today. I went to see the counselor yesterday, because I needed to go one more time before the MIL gets here. I told her how nuts I've been about the house lately, cleaning and cleaning and rearranging and cleaning and rearranging again. She asked if I knew why I was doing that. I said no. She said, "You have so many things in your life right now that you have no control over, and she starting listing them: my grandbaby's birth defect, my daughter's impending labor and delivery, a family member's financial problems, my menopausin' body and the changes I'm experiencing, my MIL coming, etc etc. By the time she got a little way into the list, I was already crying, and the rest of our session was her talking and me crying. I was tired when I left, but I felt a LOT better.
She also recommended another book for me to read.
The last time I was there, she asked me to make a list called a "guilt bag" of all the things I felt guilty about in my life. I filled up both sides of the page. (I'm good at guilt.) I had it in my journal, and put it in my purse yesterday morning so I wouldn't forget to take it for my session. My husband went into my purse to get a receipt we needed to put in the checkbook, and when I walked into the room was standing there reading it and said, "What's this?" When I told him it was for my counseling, he just said, "Oh," and put it back. I was mortified. I said a lot of things on there I didn't intend anyone else to read. He never mentioned anything though. Guess he felt bad for snooping. Anyway, my list is now safely tucked away in my file at the therapist's office.

Body Works

My youngest son and his girlfriend went to Texas last weekend, to the wax museum (see Oprah shot below) and to a museum exhibit called Body Works that uses a plastication technique on real human cadavers. I think I had heard of this on TV before in the past, but had never seen the pictures. It sounds gross but is fascinating to look at. Check out the pictures HERE.

If you want to see even more images, google Body Works and hit "images."

That's My Boy!

New Look for the Living Room

They delivered our new king mattress set yesterday (yea Target). We worked all weekend moving one bed upstairs for the guest room, bringing the king bed down, and cleaning out the attic. We have a walk-in attic that is bigger than my living room, and it was FULL. I couldn't understand why because I'm not a hoarder. So since my son moved out, we got in there and started sorting.
It turned out we had SIXTY-TWO empty boxes. Some big, some small. I guess my son put every box for every single thing he bought in four years up there, just in case he needed the box for a return. After we took all the boxes to the recycling center, our attic is practically empty.
I went to Tuesday Morning (love that store) and bought some new sheets for the king bed, a new throw for the sofa, a slipcover for the sofa, and a couple of plants. I moved all the living room furniture around. I finally found a furniture arrangement I actually like. ha.
Anyway, here's a couple of pics of how it turned out.
I'm bidding on a comforter set, but a lot of people want it, so it is "iffy" if I will be able to afford the bids or not.

Stopping the Downward Spiral

I've been friends with Dawn for thirty-two years. She knows me and I know her better than probably anyone else does. When she is in pain, I feel that pain. She's in pain now.

In the last year, she's had a grown daughter turn away from her, a major home fire, infidelity, divorce proceedings, the people at her church turn against her because she was too needy, trying to find her way in a new church, a move, financial problems, a broken ankle, and a host of other things. If you looked at the list of "major life events" that counselors like to quote when deciding how much stress a person has, her life would include about everything on the list.

I spend as much time with her as I can. I usually have more free time than she does, but I make myself available for her visits or phone calls whenever she needs to talk. Lately, I've seen her slowly crumbling and I seem at a loss to stop it. When she comes by to visit lately, she always cries. Or she comes in looking like she's been crying for hours. She tries very hard to put into words what is bothering her, but most of the time she's at a loss and says things like, "I don't know what's wrong with me lately" or "I usually handle things better than this." I try to talk to her, try to encourage her, try to offer words of wisdom (which for me is really reaching!), but I see her spiraling down.

I wonder if it's menopause, because she's two years behind me in age, or if she's about to have a nervous breakdown, or if it's just something she'll pull out of when her life calms down. But since I've had one friend commit suicide, there's a part of my gut that feels this dread, and I feel helpless to know what to do.



I've been at the place where she is. I had a completely different set of problems than she does, but it wasn't the magnitude of the problems, but just the fact that I became unable to cope with things I used to breeze through. I had a guy tell me once that I needed to take better care of myself because some day I would "hit that brick wall that's been looming." He was right. I ended up in a crying heap in the psychiatric hospital for two weeks, being the guinea pig for medicines to determine what would help, what would hurt, and talking to strange doctors who asked questions I had no answer to, like "Who are you mad at?" I spent two weeks there. I made some major life changes with the help of my family, and I came out feeling a lot of anxiety and, for the first time in a long time, hope that my life would be easier now.
During my breakdown, my friend, Dawn, visited me regularly. She encouraged me. She told me I would be ok. Now I'm trying to say those things to her, but I still wonder if any of it is going to prevent her hitting her brick wall. And I'm very scared for her. And I have no idea what to do.

Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

Busy week. My husband left Monday morning, and I spent all day Monday cleaning, so I could sit and enjoy a clean house and no cooking this week. Monday afternoon and Tuesday, my friend came by and brought her six children. Tuesday night, my daughter came to escape an in-law problem. (We've had fun!) And today, Wednesday, my hubby called to say he's coming home tomorrow because they finished up early. Tonight, my daughter and I are going to my son's apartment, eat Italian take-out and watch, "The Grudge." It hasn't been the week I envisioned but then life usually throws in some things more interesting than our plans anyway.

Bunnies, Babies, and Books

My hubby leaves tomorrow on his trip. We spent part of the day shopping for some last minute things he needed to take. I plan to spend tomorrow doing some heavy duty cleaning around here.

Since my son moved out, we now have an extra bedroom, bath, and a huge walk-in closet. Hubby is a collector of all types of military planes, ships, tanks, etc. and plans to spend his retirement putting them together. He's got about twelve huge storage tubs of them. They filled our bedroom closet, filled underbed storage boxes, and were spilling over into the bedroom. I was feeling like I was in a war zone (pun intended).

Now he's moved them all upstairs and I've got closet space again, so I can do some more organizing. I realized I've always had this freaky feeling when I started straightening up because there was no place to put anything. Now that I'm getting things in better order, it's not a big deal because I have a place where the paperwork goes, the magazines go, etc. The one thing I've been holding out on was my books. I have way too many bookcases and know I have to pare back somehow, but it's traumatic. ha.

My daughter and SIL came over yesterday and we went to a baby sale. I found a high chair to keep here for the wee one when she arrives. My husband went nuts buying Fisher Price toys, for the baby (he says, but he was playing with them. ha ha) After our shopping, we went to lunch with my son and went back so my daughter and SIL could see his new apartment. He has the living room fixed really nice, and even has a projection tv with surround sound, so it feels like being at the movies, but more comfortable! He bought some dishes yesterday because he was tired of eating on paper plates.

I know today is Easter, and we didn't have anything special for lunch or go to church. We are having boiled shrimp later, and as expensive as fresh shrimp is around here, I guess that qualifies as special. And we watched The Ten Commandments so we're not complete heathens.

What Turns Me On...That's Easy...Air Conditioning!

Someone slap me the next time I declare something "better not be that high next time." Our central air ended up being the compressor. We had to get a whole new unit. This was was $2500, so there went my anniversary present but at least we're cool now. Broke but cool....
My husband is going to be gone on a business trip next week and I have some time to myself. I'm going to not cook ANYTHING, not wear MAKEUP, sleep and eat when I WANT, have total control of the REMOTE, sleep as much as I want, and do whatever I please! For someone as introverted as me, this can be my anniversary present. ha.
I went to see the counselor today. Just when I think I'm figuring out this counseling stuff, she throws something on me that totally confuses me. Today she decided I needed to start recognizing emotions and I had to complete sentences like, "I feel worried when...., " "I feel scared when..." "I feel overwhelmed when...." I guess a normal person could do that, but I sat there like a deer in the headlights and had no idea what to say.
Then she asked me, "What does worried feel like. Describe feeling worried to someone who doesn't know what it is. Give me a picture of what worried would be."
She also gave me a sheet of paper on which she had drawn a "guilt bag" and I'm suppose to fill it in with things I feel guilty about. It's a big paper but she said I could turn it over and write on the back if I needed to. ha. See, she knows me pretty well by now. Guess I'm easy to figure out to everyone but me.

Where'd I Park the Car?

Oh, Lord, it's hot in Alabama. And even hotter now that our freaking central air unit decided to konk out. Last night, trying to sleep with no air and hot flashes was miserable. The repair guy is suppose to come check it this morning. He came last August, replaced some parts and charged $945 dollars! It better not be that high this time. The unit is only nine years old!
I got into this cleaning and tossing mode, and now I think I'm getting too carried away with the tossing! I feel so good to see one thing cleaned out, I go back and throw out even more and even more. My husband better glue himself to his chair and hang on to the dogs. ha.

I really like going to my therapy appointments, and figure as long as my insurance continues to pay for it, I'll go. I'm becoming much less of a wimp, and starting to recognize wimpy behavior when I do it (or others do, Amy :-) I'm starting to be able to think of what assertive comments should be made when people are rude or pushy or mean, instead of thinking of them an hour after my chance to say them is gone. Now if I can just get myself to SAY them when I THINK them, I'll have half the battle won, right?
I used to think I had to have everything figured out by the time I turned fifty. But I'm realizing now that part of the freedom in being fifty is realizing you don't have to figure it all out. And realizing things like I'll never be skinny, so I might as well just relax and enjoy being what I am. And that yeah, I've made some mistakes but that doesn't make me a bad person, just adds character to my personality, like a house with built in bookshelves and crown molding. It keeps me from being so BORINGGGG ! Of course, the people reading this may disagree. :-)
Turning fifty also means you take a drug store of medicine every day, my body makes the same noises as my coffee maker, and I lose my car instead of losing my keys, but it has it's good points. Actually I do lose my car a lot, especially if I drive on "automatic" to Walmart and park there without thinking. I come back out and look at this gigantic parking lot and my brain shortcircuits and I don't have a clue where I parked. What's really funny is when my husband is with me and NEITHER of us can remember. Getting old is a lot more fun when you have someone else losing their mind at the same time. And it's much easier when you can laugh at it.

Dog Found in Dumpster

I wrote an article for Associated Content about a dog that was found here locally in a dumpster. You can read about it here.
Since I wrote that, a jury voted to convict the scumbag on SECOND degree animal abuse, and the MAXIMUM sentence for that is six months. I'm furious.
If you visit the site, please vote for my article.
I can't believe someone could do something like that to an animal and get six months or less of jail time, if he serves that at all. It's ridiculous.