Home Again.

I was hospitalized almost two weeks ago for depression/anxiety. I came home yesterday, but have to go back all next week for the out patient program. I'll go in each morning at 8 and come home at 5. I'm doing ok. Just wanted everyone to know why I haven't been posting. Love you all.

Twelve Things

I've been told when it comes to my blog posts, I'm either way up or way down. Today, I'm down, and I don't know what to write. So I'm going to write this entry in a list.

1.) I haven't seen my youngest son in months. He called night before last at 10 PM and said he was on his way to my house. He got here at 5 AM (or he said, as I was asleep). He slept until 8, then I heard his cell ringing. Ten minutes later, his dad pulls up, they load both their motorcycles on a trailer and head off to Florida for a vacation, towing the trailer. He did hug me before he left. He also left me a handful of his publicity photos. That's ok, since I'm his biggest fan. He's a big time DJ with a syndicated show, for those of you who don't know. To me, he's my baby that stays way too busy, and I miss him.

2.) Since Hillary is not going to be our Dem nominee, I am undecided how I will vote. I'm waiting to see who he chooses as a running mate, and who McCain picks.

3.) My husband says I'm down farther than he's seen me. My therapist says I'm down farther than she's seen me. They talked alone this week. My husband came out and told me I can hire a cleaning lady every two weeks, and he's been being very sweet to me. I don't know what she said but I hope she says it often.

4.) His mom is coming for three weeks. She will be here Wednesday. I'm on my second round of antibiotics for a UTI, feel like crap. So needless to say, her visit is not really exciting for me right now.

5.) God saw fit to give me mercy and the family reunion was canceled on it's scheduled date for rain, on its rain date for rain, and it didn't rain either day. So maybe I'm off the hook.

6.) I heard of a writing contest from one of my former editors. No entry fee, just prizes for the winners. She was entering it, and she's the best writer I know, so I thought I'd have not a shot in hell, but before I left for Seattle, I polished up one I had written some time ago and submitted it. They got tens of thousands of entries, I have been told, and mine is number 5 right now. I didn't know until I got an email that said, "We're sure you have realized you're one of the top contenders, so please take some time to submit an avatar." That was the first I had thought of it since early May when I submitted my story. So we'll see. But I do feel honored.

7.) I hate Rush Limbaugh.

8.) I put my white coverlet and seablue dust ruffle on my bed and hung new sheers on the windows. It feels like summer in there.

9.) My book club is reading The Memoirs of Cleopatra by Margaret George. I got it in the mail yesterday. It's ginormous. It makes Pillars of the Earth look skinny. It better be good.

10.) I have to get another cellphone. I can't read the screen on this one anymore, even with new glasses.

11.) My youngest son came in on his visit, looked at me and said, Geez, You've got hippie hair. (Huh?) Then he said I look like Lisa Loeb with my new glasses. I had no idea who Lisa Loeb was. I looked her up. She looks ok to me, so i guess it was a compliment, but the hippie hair I'm not too sure of.

12.) It's 9 AM. I've been up for an hour. I'm going back to bed.

A Day in the Life

Night before: Check calendar book in purse and feel relieved that I don't have to leave the house until Wednesday for a therapist appointment, so I have another day at home.
6:45, Wake up, Go look. Husband has already left for work. Both dogs are up, which means he gave them their morning medicine. I grab a Coke Zero and head for the recliner in my nightgown. I sit in a daze, sipping, waiting for my caffeine to kick in.
7:00 Flip on tv, for the noise. Browse once again to see that there is nothing on I want to see. Check email. Usually forty something emails that mean nothing. Some book club chat, some classified message board posts that I subscribe to and never buy from. If I'm lucky, there's a comment from my blog or an actual real email from someone I know.
8:30 After wasting an hour and a half cruising the internet mindlessly, I get up to take my own medicine and get another Coke Zero. If I have low carb popsicles in the freezer, I'll have one for breakfast. If not, I'll skip it. Take medicine. Put on something comfortable. Play with dogs, one who is jumping and licking my face, one who is sitting totally frozen allowing me to stroke his back gently before slinking back into his bed under the coffee table.
10:00 Watch the View. Listen to the Hot Topics part, turn it off during the movie star interviews.
10:45 Realize I really should eat something, since I took medicine on an empty stomach. Go look in frig. Nothing in there I want. Grab an handful of almonds and go back to get another Coke Zero.
11:00 Look at house and think of the cleaning I need to do. Then I think of how I did all the laundry on Friday, so I am not a completely lazy bum, and maybe the dust can wait another day. Look at the counter in my husband's bathroom and how much it needs cleaning. Cuss because it's too covered with his junk. Realize it would take me thirty minutes to clean it off in order to get to the actually cleaning part. Think of putting it all in a garbage bag for emphasis. Decide to just forget it. Go back to recliner.
12:00 All My Children- Highlight of my day now.
1:00 Starting to feel very sleepy, since doc has me back on allergy medicine. Decide a nap is a great idea. Go back to bed. Sleep until 3:30 or so.
3:30 Stare into freezer and refrigerator for possible things to cook for dinner. Everything I think of sounds like too much work. I should cook. Decide I'll sit down and think it over. Have the "I should cook, but I don't want to" argument with myself. Get another Coke Zero.
4:00 Call husband at work. Tell him to bring home supper. I don't care what. I'm not hungry anyway. Whatever you want is fine (as long as I don't have to cook it.)
4:30 Play with dogs. Flip on tv, nothing on. Check email. Same story as this morning.
Pick up book. Read until husband comes home. Get another Coke Zero.
5:45 Get up, spend fifteen minutes tidying living room and kitchen. Hang up clothes in bedroom.
6:00 Husband comes home. Eat whatever he brought. Realize I'm reallllly hungry. Have dinner with another Coke Zero.
6:30 He flips through the channels, looks at what is due to be Tivo'd tonight, nothing I want to watch. So he watches the History channel or Star-something (Battlestar, Star Trek, Stargate, as long as there's a star name in it.) I read and pet dogs and sometimes blog.
10:00 He starts falling asleep on couch. I get up and take Ambien with another Coke Zero.
10:30 I let the dogs out, bring them back in, tuck them into their beds, and wake him up to go to bed. Then I check calendar to make sure I don't have anywhere to go the next day. If I do, and it's optional, I think of an excuse to cancel. If it's the therapist, I show up.
If I'm lucky, the phone won't ring all day. If I'm lucky and the phone does ring, it will be one of my kids or my husband, or my friend, Dawn.
11:00 Before I go to sleep, I decide tomorrow I will eat better, clean the house, and stay out of the recliner.
Next day, same thing. And I'm content with this life. So..there ya go.

New Little Peanut

I saw the therapist twice last week. I see her once this week, with my husband going along. She wants his opinion on how things are going. I guess she doesn't believe me when I say "fine" anymore.
I have been feeling the empty nest so much lately. My son moved to Seattle, my daughter moved an hour farther away and my little doggie died at about the same time. Our other little dog, Boo, has been missing his pal and looks for him around the house. I decided I needed a new baby, some baby that also needed me.

I called a lady that owns a local rescue shelter. She had a Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix that she had gotten from a shelter in South Alabama on his "last day." He came to the shelter with a huge purple bruise on his neck, underweight, and infested with fleas. She got him shaved down, got rid of the fleas, got him on a good dry dog food, and found out he has low thyroid and needed thyroid meds. His main problem was fear. He was desperately afraid of everything and everyone. I went to get him on Thursday, took him to our vet and got him registered there. We've been giving him his thyroid medicine, and a lot of petting. He will not come to us, but if we gently pick him up, he will sit in my lap and let me pet him for a long time, but he never relaxes, lays down or puts his head down on me. He spends most of his day in his bed.

My daughter and son-in-law came by with the baby Saturday, and this little pup, Peanut, seemed to take more interest in being out and walking around while they were here. He is eating tons of dog food, and hopefully is gaining weight. He will be beautiful when his hair grows back. I could kill whoever abused this little guy. He weighs 5.2 lbs, but should be closer to 6.5-7 when he gets up to normal weight.
I ordered both of the dogs a little vest so that I can walk them without any pain to the neck area. I saw it on QVC and it's really cute. Be sure to watch the video.

My daughter was trying to figure out a way to take the baby and go with me to Seattle in October, but figuring out working her flight schedule around her brother's work schedule and car seats, etc. got her discouraged. Also, I told her I couldn't take him to work and drive his truck to pick her up. Seattle traffic is unreal. He had a wreck just driving on the interstate his first month there. It seems like all airlines and cab companies should provide infant seats when needed. Anyway, I really wish she could have come with me.

They took the baby out in the boat this weekend. She's so cute, with five teeth now!

My step-daughter mentioned a month or so ago, that she'd like to get together with her dad for Father's Day. She asked what we would like to do. We offered to pick them up and go to a movie and lunch. Then the night before, she canceled with some vague excuse about errands to run that they had been "procrastinating" about. He was so hurt, he got choked up talking about it. Then he got angry. I just felt so sorry for him. He said he had no family except for my kids, me, and his mom. And he's such a good man to all of us. I sent a card and called my dad. He sent a card and called his, even though his dad walked out on him and his mom when he was little. I suggested we go to eat and go to a movie anyway, so we did. We saw The Happening. It was "Eh, so-so."

My Granddaughter's First Birthday Cake

Break a Leg?

My worst nightmare is having a social situation coming up I know I have to attend. My granddaughter just had her first birthday. My daughter had a big birthday party with a lot of my son-in-law's family, her friends, her father and his new wife, and my husband and me. So right away I have two reasons to freak- 1) being around a large group of people I don't know well and 2) sitting for hours with my ex and his wife.
So my two choices that I saw were 1) be the wicked witch of all grandmothers and not go to my granddaughter's birthday, or 2) take two Valium, leave my house, and attend.

The party was yesterday, Saturday, and my angst had been building all week. I'm just seeing the therapist every two weeks now, and this was not her week. Friday morning I woke up, after having terrible nightmares, and I was walking the floors freaking. I called to see if I could get in with the therapist only to find out they are closed on Fridays (the one time I've ever called because I actually needed to talk to her, and they are closed!) so then I freaked even more. I called my friend, Dawn, and she said she was having a bad day, too, so let's go to lunch. We did and she talked me down to something near sane.

Of course, no matter how stupid this sounds, I wanted to look good because my stupid ex was going to be there. No matter how long you've been divorced and how much you hate the SOB, you want him to still see what he let get away because he's such an a-hole. I did my hair, bought a new outfit, did my makeup, and off we went.

My friend, Dawn, called me on the way to say she was praying for me. I told her thanks, I needed all the help I could get, prayers were welcomed and I also had an Ativan in my purse as a backup plan B.

Well, we were the first to arrive, so we were able to secure a place of comfort on the couch as the others wandered in. I had no idea the ex and his wife had arrived until I walked right up on them when I went to see my granddaughter in her high chair. I hadn't gotten a close up view of his new wife in, well, never I guess. I'm fat, but she's fatter. My ex had gotten very, very fat with a solid grey beard, so I felt a great sigh of relief and more appreciation of my husband. But then a strange thing happened.

My ex and his wife took their place on a couch off to the side, and it's obvious they know NO ONE AT ALL. They barely know their son-in-law, don't know any of his family, any of their daughter's friends, and very little about their daughter. They looked pitiful sitting there, and I felt sorry for them. So, I went over and sat down and started talking to them. They looked surprised but immediately looked relieved that someone they knew (whether or not they liked me was irrelevant) was talking to them.

We talked about the kids, the grandbaby, our parents, the weather, vacations, and anything else we could think of. I even got up and got them drinks. Then after holding the grandbaby for awhile, I took her over and asked if they would like to hold her. His wife took her and they both ooohed and awwwwed over her.

My husband sat by me on the couch for moral support. I got through it. I came home, and I immediately fell asleep at 6:30 on the couch. I slept until bedtime and my husband woke me up to go to bed. As he covered me up, he said, "His wife looks so much older than you do." I smiled. Then I slept until 9 AM, which I never do. It wiped me out because it was such an emotional drain, but I did it, and I was very proud of myself for accomplishing it.

My friend, Dawn, said the dreading it is always worse than the actual thing you dread. I don't know if that was true in this case. She also said she had thought that if I had broken a leg, that I would have had a third option on attending, but she didn't want to mention that to me, for fear I'd find a way. I told her I had already seriously considered that option, since the "I'm sick" had been way overused in the past.

Next weekend is my father's family reunion. I don't know that I will go to that. I feel it's a little more optional than this event was. I wouldn't have to have a broken leg to skip it.

Sex, Reading, and Resting

My husband went with me to see Sex and the City. I would give it a C. To me, it was obviously written by men. I can't say more without giving away the plot. Let's just say that I believe women have VERY long memories. Don't you agree? And why doesn't Sarah Jessica Parker have that mole taken off her face? It's not like she can't afford it.
I finished two books that were REAL books, not ebooks. I debated with myself about whether to buy them, but they sounded like something I would like. Cold Rock River and Roseflower Creek, both by J. L. Miles. They are now at the top of my favorite books of all time list.
I finished reading Manic, about a woman's life with manic depression. It was good, not great, but good. Worth the read.
My counselor told me last Tuesday that I need to take off two weeks. Take off from what? Life. She said I need two weeks to nurture myself and build up my low ego strength because I'm too low. She said I need a good cry, too. I can't cry and I have too many obligations this week and next to "take off and nurture myself." She seems to think I'm heading for a brick wall. I'm too tired to think about it.
My mother-in-law is coming the end of June. My step-daughter wrote us and we are both convinced she is on drugs.
I have another sinus infection. Great. I think this is my tenth round of antibiotics for sinuses since Christmas. I feel achy all over like the flu, but I know that can't be from sinuses.
Next books on my list to read: Clay's Quilt by Silas House and The Friday Night Knitting Club (for my bookclub) by somebody I forgot her name. I started The River Wife for the book club and it sucked rocks so I quit it in the middle.
I highlighted my hair and got it trimmed. I decided I like my glasses. It took me awhile to reach a final decision.
That's about it. It's been a boring weekend, pretty much.

Church is Where God's Creations Are

Yesterday, my husband and I went to see my Dad. I called before we went, knowing my step-mom would be at church and really doubtful about him answering the phone. But he did. I told him who I was, and he said, "Hey Babydoll, How you doing?" So I realized he knew me, and I was hoping he was having a "good day." Some days he remembers things. Other days, his bad days, it's very difficult for him. Anyway, we drove out there. It's about an hour's drive.
When we got there, he was sitting outside on the patio by himself. He smiled and waved us to come sit down. I told him I had brought him some pictures. The first one was of him, standing in the yard with my sister and me (I was about five; she was nine, maybe.) I said, "Do you know who that is?"
He replied, "That's me."
I said, "Yes, Daddy, that's you. Who's that with you?"
He looked so sad. He said, "Two young'uns...but I don't know...I just can't remember...I..I don't know who they are."
I explained that one was me, one was my sister. He looked up at me for awhile, and I wondered if he knew me. He smiled, and I thought maybe he did, but I wasn't sure. I took him a picture of him with my daughter, and him with my granddaughter, the ones I had previously posted here on the blog. He didn't recognize my daughter, or remember that my granddaughter had come to visit him about a month ago, but he did recognize himself in each picture. He'd say, "That's me."
I saw a preview for a movie, where a quote was, "When you get to a certain age, life stops giving you things and starts taking things away." My daddy is slipping away from me. I don't know each time I go if he will know me or not. I don't know each time I go if he will still be alive the next time.
He tells the same stories over and over. He seems content. He said he used to go to church with my step-mom, but he's hard of hearing, and he couldn't hear the preacher. He said, "It's miserable to sit there that long and can't hear a thing." I said, "Well, Daddy, I think church is more outside than it is inside anyway." He looked around and pointed out in the pasture. He said, "I would rather be outside any day than inside. Back there, in those woods, and over there, in those woods, there are deer, and squirrels, and all kinds of trees and flowers. That's church, I guess."
He's right. I said, "Daddy, wherever there are things that God created, that's church."
He hugged me when we left. It will always be a bittersweet memory of mine, so I wanted to record it here.

I Lost One 42 Lb Fish in Weight for my Birithday

As of today, on the low carb thing, I've lost 42 lbs, the very weight of this fish I found a picture of on the internet, Look at the blood all over the guy and the boat. Looks like forty-two pounds is not easy no matter how you go about it. My husband has lost 55 lbs. We're having no problem sticking with this. I'm very proud of myself and of him.
Yesterday was my birthday. Even though I'm home, (American Airlines sucks rocks. Three out of four of my flights were delayed AT LEAST 45 minutes, and the stewardesses were rude.)my body is still on Seattle time. My husband went to bed last night at 10. I'm still sitting here at 12 thinking, I should be getting sleepy soon....surely soon.... Then I woke up at 8, but only because my dog had to go out to pee and he kept jumping around on my head.
I enjoyed my trip. I'm glad to be home. My daughter and granddaughter are coming today. I have to clean the house because although my husband kept up some things, he doesn't seem to notice dust or rings around the toilet bowl.
I miss my son in Seattle. I'm still having a very hard time with the thought of him going that far away.
Yesterday was my 52nd birthday. I got calls from both boys. My daughter sent me an Amazon GC. She knows me so well. My husband gave me spending money, as did both my mom and MIL. My husband also brought me home roses, white roses and red, mixed with baby's breath. I had a friend at my former workplace who considered herself a flower expert, and who thought nothing looked cheaper than baby's breath in a bouquet. She felt it showed a complete lack of class in flower arranging. I think it's so delicate and lacy and I love it. So there ya go.
I came home to a pile of books that had arrived, books I ordered used on Amazon because they are not yet available for the Kindle. Almost twenty books. The only problem is, I seem to be getting forgetful and twice I ordered the same book two times. Hmmm... Anyway, nothing better to come home to than a stack of new books, a husband who was so glad to see me, a dog who missed me, and an Amazon gift card.
So am I happy? Yes, I'm happy. I'm really happy. 51 was a good year.
I'm going to post some of the Seattle pics this week.

Last Day In Seattle

I come home tomorrow. I've spent most of the day watching tv and avoiding packing, which means I'll have to do it at the last minute. I miss my family at home and when I go home I'll miss my son.
We have spent the last two days having adventures. We went to Canada.

Impressions of Vancouver: Very clean. Very crowded. No one wears jeans. We went to Chinatown. I took lots of pictures and will put them on here later. We also went to the Oriental Garden, which I LOVED. We took tons of pictures there. We had dinner at a Greek restaurant, which was awesome. I had a Greek Salad with Chicken. My son had lamb, and half my Greek Salad since it was ginourmous (Amy's word.)

Yesterday, we had Indian food in the Hippie section of Seattle. We saw green hair, pink hair, and blue hair, a woman with fishnet stocking with huge holes in them, lots of mohawks, lots of women with short hair and men with long hair, a lot of men in skirts (not kilts, long flowery skirts),a guy who walked down the entire sidewalk with a firm grasp on his crotch (what's up with that?), lots of dogs (everyone there was walking one or more dogs), and more dresses on women than I've ever seen in my life. No jeans. Lots of dresses. At home, you see women in dresses occasionally on Sunday (but most wear pants to church now) and casual means jeans. Or you see women in dresses during prom season.

We went to an old cemetery and took a lot of photos. My son found a tombstone that said Frederick Krueger. He was thrilled and even got out of the car to take pictures of that one. We went to the town where Northern Exposure was filmed. That's the town the cemetary was in, but right now the name escapes me.

I read that Huntsville, AL is voted one of the top ten places to live in the US.
My impressions of Seattle:
It was 84 here in Seattle yesterday. No one has air conditioning. The myths about rain are not true. It sprinkled on us twice in two weeks. There is no pollen here. We left windows open in the house and car and I didn't sneeze once.

Alabama: At home, you go outside, take one breath, and sneeze. Your car is yellow no matter what color it was when you bought it.
I've seen two homeless people in Huntsville in my lifetime. One guy everyone knew by name because he pushed a cart all around Huntsville. He slept at the downtown shelter at night. One guy I saw sleeping under an overpass once, until the police made him move on.

Seattle: A zadzillion homeless people. People rummaging through garbage cans, hanging out on street corners with other homeless people, standing on street corners begging, obviously mentally ill people talking jibberish to themselves while walking down the street (freaked me out.)

Seattle: Went to the huge bookstore everyone talks about. Wrote down a bunch of titles, came home and bought them less than half price for the Kindle. James Frey is going to be there tonight. My son asked if I wanted to see him. Naw. The traffic around that bookstore was unbelievable. We rode forever looking for parking. If it was Stephen King, I'd fight traffic. James Frey, naw. Although his new book has gotten good reviews, it's not a subject that sounds interesting to me.

I have stuck right to my low carb diet, except for the Indian food yesterday. I had a bit of white rice and some naan. Other than that, I've been sooooo good. Have I lost? Who knows. I sure hope so. I actually let my son take my picture in the Oriental Garden yesterday, even though I looked like a beached whale. I don't think I looked as fat as I used to.

I will write more when I get home. The only picture I'm posting with this entry is my granddaughter in her new sunglasses. How cute is that!

Salty's in Seattle

One night this week (I forget which) we went to Salty's to eat. I decided to order the top sirloin, because we've had quite a bit of seafood lately (Ivar's plus my son loves to cook salmon on his George Foreman). I figured if I asked for extra veggies and no potatoes, I'd be ok with the low carb thing. So they bring this nice, thick steak, sitting on a bed of veggies. This was a very high class restaurant. You know the kind where they put the napkin in your lap for you, and they bring the food on huge plates with all of it made into a neat, prickly pile in the middle. So there's my veggies, my steak....and on top of the steak, this stuff that resembled tiny white worms. Piled high on top. Hmmm..I thought. Grated cheese? It's not melting..probably not cheese. I tasted a bit. Still no help. My son tasted a bit. Said it tastes a bit like coleslaw, but it's not coleslaw, because that's not cabbage. I said nope, not cabbage. Not cheese.

By now I'm beginning to feel out of my element. I raked it to the side and enjoyed my steak and veggies, but all the time, instead of enjoying the fantastic view of Seattle's skyline, I'm thinking about this pile of white stuff on my plate. I knew it would drive me nuts if I didn't find out. I mean, I watch Top Chef and all the food network shows. I know what foie gras is. I'm the one my husband asks if he doesn't know what something is on the menu. Most of the French cooking terms, I've at least heard of. So I finally asked the waiter. He gave me a look like what kind of idiot are you, Madam? And he said..get this..."It's PICKLED HORSERADISH." I started laughing. I've had prime rib with horseradish sauce, and it neither looked nor tasted anything like white stick worms. Anyway this was sirloin, not prime rib. I thought horseradish was spicy. This was bland. Anyway, I thought, Ok, I've learned something. More useless information.

Then I come home, turn on AOL to check my mail and see the headline that Jodie Foster has broken it off with her girlfriend of fourteen years. I'm sitting there thinking how sad...such a good friend for so long. I wonder what happened? Were they fighting over some man? Then my son informs me they mean girlfriend as in girlfriend. Huh? Jodie Foster? A lesbian? No way! Way, he says. So I'm thinking, maybe I should head back South, where I can be an expert on something. Like knowing turnip greens from collards, and how to cook both. How to cook pintos without having to soak them overnight. Things like that.

Maybe it has something to do with getting older. You think older means wiser, until you realize you don't know anything about pop culture, have never heard of any of the singing groups that have the groupies now. I know next to nothing about technology. I can't do HTML. I'd like to have a pretty webpage, but the few changes I've made have usually made it look worse instead of better.

I've always been a learner. I like to learn new things, but I know my limits. I'll never learn Latin. I'll never understand Sylvia Plath's poetry. I'll never program a computer. But for darn sure, I know what pickled horseradish looks like.

Seagulls in Seattle

Last night we went to Ivar's Seafood Restaurant on the waterfront. I had the Mixed Grill Trio of halibut, salmon, and prawns. They gave me assorted veggies instead of the potatoes. After we ate, the waitress boxed up some rolls for us to feed the seagulls. We went outside on the deck. They eat out of your hands. Also, they fly in circles and you can throw the bread up in the air and they catch it in their beaks as they fly by. It was pretty cool.
This time we did park closer so we didn't have to walk as far. We were both pooped out from dragging that pinball machine.
My son is on some diet he found on a men's website called the Abs Diet, so he plans out his menus around my low-carb thing, and last night he ordered his groceries online. They are suppose to deliver them today. Now if I could just order in more take-out than pizza, I'd like living here. I'd never have to go out. Just curl up with my Kindle and read and watch tv. I think my husband would love it, especially if they delivered seafood from Ivars!
When I reached my fifties, my sister found out she had hemachromatosis, which is an iron overload disease. I got tested and was a carrier. Then my doctor, in running some other tests, found out I am also a carrier for alpha1-antitrypsin deficiency, which attacks the liver and lungs. So my sister got tested and she HAS alpha1. So I'm a carrier for both, and she has both. Now I'm wondering about my kids. I think they can be tested for free, if I can get them to do it. The thing is, none of my family has had lung or liver problems that I know of. They all died of heart disease, on both parent's sides of the family. As Taylor says, that "sucks rocks." (Gotta love that Taylor. Thanks, Cathy for the new expression.)

Walking in Seattle

Yesterday, we went to have brunch at the restaurant on top of the space needle. It rotates so you can get a 360 degree view of the city. Going up in the elevator was creepy because it was on the outside of the building and glass on the front. Brunch was great. Then we went up to the observation deck, but I could not bring myself to go out on it. I'm freaked out in high places, like a deck that high with a wire fence and a few cables to keep you from falling off. The fact that a woman was holding her baby on the edge of the fence so she could look in a telescope freaked me out even more. I was glad when we were back on the ground.

Then we took the monorail downtown, walked about a mile, and went to Pike Place Market. We watched them throwing the fish, (I also saw a raw calamari, and I will never eat that again. Gross!) browsed in a bunch of stores, and then walked back to the monorail. By the time we walked up all the steep hills getting back, I was pooped. Man, am I out of shape. My son was tired, too, so maybe it wasn't just me or just old age.

Tonight we're driving back down there to go to the seafood restaurant, but he said we will park there and not have to walk. That's good because he went out and bought a PINBALL machine today off Craigslist. It weighed 250 lbs. He had a hand truck and a few bungee cords, and planned on having the neighbor help him get it up to the third floor where he lives. But the neighbor was not home. So.....I pushed, he pulled. Every few steps he'd have to sit down, then a few more and I'd have to stop. I thought we would die. He'd count, one, two, and then on three I'd shove and he'd pull and we'd get up one more step. It's in here now. Whew. I told him if he ever moves, he should just shove it off the balcony. It would be easier.

My daughter sent me the cutest card. My youngest son called yesterday to tell me Happy Mother's Day in case he forgot today. ha. He has ANOTHER new girlfriend, since the last time we talked. He thought he might be getting a job in Seattle. too, but he said he station is undergoing management changes and he hasn't heard anything else on it. He may just renew where he is.

I asked my husband if he missed me yet. He said he missed me the minute he left me at the security point. My son said, "Yeah, yeah, he had to say that." It was nice to hear anyway. I miss him, and I miss my dog. But I'm having a really good time. Last night we watched the Waitress. It's such a funny movie. I didn't tell him I had already seen it. Anyway, he laughed a lot and said it was pretty good, for a chick flick.

Our TV has been out at home, but my husband finally got the new cable in that he needed to run from the satellite into the house. After climbing in and out of the upstairs window and across the roof about ten times untangling wires, he now has his TV back, so he won't miss me nearly as much. I bought him a model of the Huey helicopter that is made totally out of wood. He likes military models since he works for Army Aviation.

I've been too pooped here to be Sleepless in Seattle, but I did find out that the house boat that was in that movie is for sale for a couple of million. I can't believe the house prices here. A one bedroom condo is 189 thousand and it's 650 sq ft, and nothing fancy. Little dinky houses are selling for 400K. Unbelievable. I have a three bedroom, three bath condo with ten feet tall ceilings, gas log fireplace, whirlpool tub, double car garage, etc. etc, built in '97, and I only paid 94K for it. Now they are selling in the 140's.

Another thing that surprised me is the number of Starbucks. Every block has one. EVERY block. We just got one in my home city. ONE. And everyone was thrilled. My son also showed me the big Amazon building up on the side of a hill here. He knows I'm an Amazon freak. Also, I guess I thought Seattle would be flat, because when we drove from California through Nevada, Utah, and Arizona for our honeymoon, everything was pretty flat and treeless. This place has beautiful trees and rolling hills. Tons of houses, built practically on top of each other, but plenty of trees. And under my son's window is a pond with ducks in it.

Well, enough about Seattle. I have to get my mind on seafood. I've done really good on the low-carb thing here. I had steak and asparagus at the brunch yesterday and two bites of bread pudding. I figured the walking canceled out that little bit. And seafood is easy to fit into low-carb.

I'm coming back here in October. Then he's coming home for Christmas.

Sitting in Seattle

Well, I can't say my flights here were uneventful, but with both planes being delayed by more than an hour, a sudden gate change at Dallas/Ft Worth to the other side of the airport after I spent thirty minutes finding the first one, I made it here. I walked off the plane, and there stood my son waiting for me. His first comment was, "You've let your hair grow out." I said, "Yeah, and I've gotten new glasses." Then we had a big hug.
His condo is nice. I spent yesterday doing things he hadn't had time to do, like moving the boxes into the dining room and arranging his living room furniture, hanging the shower curtain in the guest bath, etc. In the middle of the day he called and said he was expecting a package. He said he knew if he didn't warn me, I probably would not answer the door. After awhile, someone knocked and I looked out to find a woman with a huge vase of mixed flowers. It was for ME, from my son. The card said, "To the Best Mom in the World. I Love You. Happy Mother's Day, Love David." I bawled my eyes out.
Then he got up for work this morning and started searching through boxes. I asked him twice if I could help him find something, and he said no. Then he finally found what he was looking for and said this is for you. It was a booklet he made in fourth grade about "Mothers" and it was so cute. He had found it when he was packing, he said.
He also won't let me cook anything, because he said I'm on vacation. He made Garlic/Lemon Chicken and Mixed Veggies last night. They were delicious. Tonight we're having salmon, and then going to a laser show.
I am toward the end of reading The River Wife. It's been very interesting in places and very weird at times. Right now, I'd say 3/5, but if they pull off some great ending, it could go up to 4/5. Next on my list is Barbara Walters Audition.
Saturday is brunch at the Space Needle. Except for the two hour difference in time, I've had a great time so far.
I have to say, having my Kindle on the plane and in the airports was GREAT. When it got noisy, I just plugged in my earplugs and listened to classical while I read.

When I Am Old, I Shall Wear Rhinestones

I just can't read out of my glasses anymore. So the last time I went for my glaucoma check, I got a new Rx. Today I thought, hey, I'm going to be reading a lot in Seattle. I deserve some new glasses. So I went and I walked and I looked and I found these with rhinestones. And I thought, no way. But I like them. Naw, they'd look weird. But they're pretty. They sparkle. No, what would people think. Hey, I really like them. So I got them. Now, I may look weird, but I think they are cool. ha. And they're Vera Wang. I figured if someone said hey you look weird, I could say But they're Vera Wang!

Before/After 37 Pounds

I had my daughter take some pics of me to post some before and after, and they were horrible. So since so many of you asked me about them, here's my face before and after losing 37 pounds, and also after covering my gray.

Up, Up, and Away

I'm doing my last errands for my trip to Seattle on Tuesday. I'm not very adventurous by myself, and my son telling me that the Dallas/Ft Worth airport where I change planes is HUGE didn't reassure me about it all, but I think it will be ok. I have my Kindle loaded with tons of books, so I'm set for reading. I have a compressible pillow that I can use on the plane, so I don't have to use the airline pillow with leprosy on it or something. (I'm a bit of a germaphob). I'm looking forward to getting there, but not so much about the traveling part. I managed to get a window seat on three legs of the flights, but not the one going from Dallas to Seattle. On that one, I got an aisle seat. I feel safer tucked into the seat by the window for some reason.

My daughter gave us her desktop computer because they mostly use their laptops. We gave it to my friend, Dawn. We took it by when she got home from church, along with a bucket and the fixings from KFC. The kids were more excited about the chicken than the computer. ha.

When I got there, she was sitting in the van in the driveway with the windows rolled down. I asked if she was getting ready to go somewhere, and she said no. She said she just felt overwhelmed sometimes and goes out and sits in the car in the driveway. I felt sorry for her. I had called to say we were on our way there, and the kids had said she was outside, but I just figured she was talking to a neighbor or working in the yard or something.

I have recently read Love in the Time of Cholera, The Bell Jar, Cold Rock River, and am now reading The Well and the Mine. Next on the list is The River Wife (picked by my bookclub). I am also suppose to read a self-help book recommended by my therapist while I am in Seattle. It's called 7 Steps to a Better Life (???) or something like that. I got it for the Kindle.

Today is my husband's birthday. Tomorrow is my son-in-law's birthday. Then Tuesday is my mom's birthday. Mine is not until later in the month. I'll be 52. I look in the mirror and think who is that person? I look at pictures of myself and don't recognize that person. I guess I've reached that point in life when I realize I'll never really be attractive again. Losing weight may make me feel better, but it will probably just make my skin sag more. Then I tell myself that I'm a grandmother, and I'm in my fifties, and this is just a different time in my life. Still I feel I lost something I'll never get back.

The worst part is my jawline. It is not tight, but looks saggy, like frown lines. If I smile, it goes away, but when I'm not smiling, there it is. I look at women on tv, like on the View, who are older than me, and figure they must do Botox. It's hard to know what 52 actually looks like when it's not lifted, tucked, injected, or edited. I guess it looks like what I see in the mirror.

My mom said,"I'll be 78 this year." I said well that doesn't sound much older than me. But it's 26 years older. That's how my mind works. My friend, Dawn, will be 50 this month. She said it's odd because inside she feels the same, but the outside seems to belong to a stranger. I said I get that. In some ways, it takes the pressure off. No matter how much I lose weight, or get gussied up, I'll not turn heads anymore. So now I can just do it for myself. If I do my nails, it's because it makes me feel better, not so someone else will notice. I can wear what I like. And I can let my hair grow, because what's the difference in an old lady with long hair and an old lady with short hair--either way it's an old lady. ha.

Our Tivo konked out last night. Actually, the cable is bad between the satellite and the Tivo. We ordered another cable, but it won't be here for a week. I feel bad about leaving my husband here with no tv. He's addicted. The only reading he does is CD's in the car. I know he managed fine before he met me, but I still feel bad leaving him for two weeks.

I leave Tuesday at 2:30 and will arrive at 9:40 at night, but that's actually 11:40 here, so I'll be tired, unless I can sleep on the plane. I'm taking my laptop to Seattle, so I'll try to post and let you know how I like it.

Thirty-seven Pounds Gone!!!!!

This weekend we are going to visit my daughter and her family in Tennessee. My husband and I are really excited to spend time with our granddaughter. It's hard to believe she'll be a year old in June.

My husband had his physical this month and his lab work came back better than it ever has. He's always had high triglycerides, high blood sugar, high cholesterol, etc. Now that he's lost 48 pounds, he's got all normal test results. This is with eating things like bacon, creamy salad dressings, cheese, butter, cream, etc and cutting out starches and sugars. Just the opposite of what you'd think, right?

I just noticed today that it looks like almost every townhome on our street is for sale. Not ours. I'm not planning to go anywhere. When I bought this back in 2000, my mom said townhomes are hard to sell. I told her I loved it and didn't intend to ever sell it. I still feel the same way. To me, it has character. I can think of things I'd like to improve, but I love it anyway. When I married in 2003, I told him he'd have to be willing to sell his house and move here, because I didn't want to leave. He liked the idea of no grass to mow (homeowner's association takes care of the yard) so he was all for it.

I'm so glad Hillary won Pennsylvania. I hope she wins the nomination.
I finished reading Love in the Time of Cholera. I don't recommend it. I'd give it three stars. I was very glad when it was over. I kept thinking it would get better, but no such luck. I'm not sure what I'm going to read next.
I weighed this morning and have now lost 37 pounds. I'm so happy! 37 down, and a billion to go.

On the View, they said it has been reported in a study done on happiness, that the older people are, the happier they tend to be. I think that's probably true. You give up some of that freaking out over what everyone is thinking, you get to know yourself, and you begin to forgive yourself for not being perfect. And you begin to really appreciate your family and friends. They said the number one criteria for happiness was close bonds with family and friends. Not winning the lottery? Wow.

Drunk NutJob Again and a Shopping Addiction

The only thing worse than my kids moving away is when one of them calls and tells me they've had a car accident over two thousand miles away. My heart was in my throat until he assured me he was ok. Evidentally, with all the rain in Seattle (he said every day for at least part of the day) the traffic on the freeway flows then stops for no reason and causes lots of accidents. He was rear-ended while sitting in traffic. He has a new Toyota truck. The girl that hit him totaled her car, and she did about $2000 damage to his truck. While he was on the phone with 911, another three car pile-up happened right in front of him in the other lane. He said it was bad, and he was pretty sure people were hurt in that one. They were still trying to get the people from those cars when he finally could leave.

My youngest son says he's trying to get a radio gig in Seattle, so he could be moving there, too. They tried to get him before, last year, but he was under contract and couldn't take the offer. Now his contract is about to be up.

Passover starts tomorrow. I think all Christians should celebrate Passover, and not just Jews. I don't understand why it's not a Christian holiday. I'm still so confused on the Jewish thing. My husband is, too. On one hand, we love going to temple better than anywhere we've ever been. There are so many of the beliefs we totally accept as truth. Then there are others we just can't seem to get past.

I am officially on every other week therapy now. I'm making progress. I even am beginning to see it. It's much easier for me to take up for myself. I always could stand up for my kids, but not for myself.

I wrote awhile back about the drunk nutjob guy who kept calling my cellphone, trying to get in touch with his ex, Brenda. He called again today and left me a ten minute message on my voice mail, this time X-rated. He thinks he can "get her off better than anyone," and then he tells her how. But what killed me was the way he began his conversation with the ex he is supposedly trying to get back, saying, "You son-of-a-B*tch, I love you." Now would that make her want to run back to his drunk ass or not?

I have officially lost 34.5 pounds now. I've gone from a 22 to an 18 and they are loose now. I have a long way to go, but I love this low carb thing. It's easy once you get used to it.

I watched QVC for thirty minutes today and almost had to tie myself up to keep from ordering two purses I saw on there I loved. The woman had me convinced my life would never be the same unless I called in for them. And they were on easy pay! I finally turned the channel. They are such addicting shows. My youngest son once said, "Hey I was watching that QVC thing, and this woman had me convinced I needed these diamond earrings, and I don't wear earrings." See? I think it's hidden subliminal messaging. You know what they say, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you." ha.

Kindle, Fireplace, Being Broke

My husband was off Friday, so we had a long weekend. We didn't go anywhere, but spent most of our time catching up on old Survivor seasons we rented from Netflix. So we had a TV marathon. I also caught up on some napping, which was great.
I'm planning a trip to see my middle son in Seattle on May 6th. I'm going for two weeks, which was his idea. He's not going to be taking off work (new job), so I will spend my days with my Kindle, reading, or looking at the view. He has a great view of the lake from his balcony. Then we can go do a little sightseeing on the weekends.

It's cold here today, and is not suppose to get above the 40's. We had a guy from the classified come out and clean and adjust our gas logs in the fireplace, and so I used it this morning. It sure looks a lot more realistic since he worked on it. We even have some glowing rocks under the logs. I don't think they did that before.

It's a corner fireplace that blows into the hallway where our thermostat is, so if you run it, the heat never comes on, and the bedrooms get freezing. But it's great if you're planning on being in the living room and no one else is home, like today.
I'm reading Love in the Time of Cholera and The Bell Jar on my Kindle. I have read the Bell Jar before, but it's been so long, I'm reading it over. Love in the Time of Cholera sure starts slow, but I am hopeful it will pick up.

My husband handles our bills. He gave me the "money talk" this weekend. He said he's had to consistently withdraw from savings the last three pay periods to cover things, partly because of the gas prices, and partly because of some unexpected expenses. Another thing we've been doing is going to the grocery every other week when he gets paid, buying two weeks worth of groceries, and then eating out a lot instead of cooking what we bought. So I told him I'd cut back on spending on food, and he's going to see about getting a security sticker for my car so he can drive it to work sometimes. I have a Civic and it's really good on gas. I told him I'd go without food as long as I have books. ha. He said I don't have to give up my books, just watch other stuff more closely.

I'm sure we're not the only ones having financial mess right now. Everything is getting so expensive. The therapist mentioned me going to every two weeks, so I think I'll take her up on that. That would save $30 in co-pays a month, not to mention the gas to drive over there. It's about a sixty mile round trip. We're just going to have to stop driving so much. I did get a great deal from Travelocity on my plane ticket. $169 round trip to Seattle, with taxes and all still around $200. Of course, it's flying on a couple of MD-80's from American Airlines that are undergoing the safety inspections and are grounded right now, so there could be a reason for the good pricing. ha.

As of today, I've lost 34 pounds. I'm so excited. I'm sold on this low-carb thing.
I'm teaching the twins today, so I better get off here. My husband is teaching them a history lesson every other Friday when he has his day off. He's great. I love his stories. He has taken us from Columbus's voyages through Ponce de Leon and the Fountain of Youth. He's great in history. I'm great in Math and Literature. Together we have almost a whole brain. ha.